tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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OK, I'm married almost 15 years, 1 child (age 8, a daughter whom I adore!). I no longer love my wife; she has been browbeating me for years and I'm just plain frigin tired of it. Aside from the monetary and property issues, I happen to want my daughter. She is adopted and my family paid all the costs, however regardless, I love her and I want to raise her even if by myself. Do judges rule for the mother in most cases other than demonstrated abuse by the mother?
Just one question out of many I'm sure they'll be.....
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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[quote]OK, I'm married almost 15 years, 1 child (age 8, a daughter whom I adore!). I no longer love my wife; she has been browbeating me for years and I'm just plain frigin tired of it. Aside from the monetary and property issues, I happen to want my daughter. She is adopted and my family paid all the costs, however regardless, I love her and I want to raise her even if by myself. Do judges rule for the mother in most cases other than demonstrated abuse by the mother?
Just one question out of many I'm sure they'll be..... [/quote]
If both of you want primary custody, then there is going to be a costly court battle. You are better off coming to an agreement with your wife, because you aren't going to get full custody unless you can prove that the mother is unfit. Just like she won't get full custody unless she can prove you unfit.
It would help if we know what state. Most states have joint legal custody, only 5 have a presumption of joint physical custody.
It doesn't matter who paid the costs of the adoption. You are the father and your wife is the mother, period.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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That may be the good news, I live in Nevada. So when it's time, the whole thing should go down quickly.
I hear you about my daughter and that's what I figured.......so if I want to be a single Dad I've got to prove that my wife is unfit. That may be a task except she's threatened to leave "both of us" recently. Maybe the thing to do is get things like that on tape.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Honey, be careful. Since you are the one wanting out, wife could become agitated and attempt to use your daughter to hurt you. My s2bx and I also adopted a daughter. I love her more than my own life. My s2bx does things to hurt her because at times he can't get to me.
Get you a good layer, a very good one. And be prepared for the fight of your life,
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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[quote]Honey, be careful. Since you are the one wanting out, wife could become agitated and attempt to use your daughter to hurt you. My s2bx and I also adopted a daughter. I love her more than my own life. My s2bx does things to hurt her because at times he can't get to me.
Get you a good layer, a very good one. And be prepared for the fight of your life, [/quote]
TY for your reply. I don't believe she would do that; she is a good person. Fact is, I do not love her anymore and I believe the feeling is mutual. Guess we keep going out of habit or maybe comfort level. Maybe for our daughter.
Secondly and FWIW, there has never been infidelity on my part and I would bet on hers either. Just "irreconcileable differences I guess. I do find myself fantasizing of life without her and I gotta admit, it sounds good. I suppose counseling may be in order but I don't see my feelings changing so why waste the time and money. There is no attraction anymore.
So I am in a major bind. Now I realize why they call it the "Institute of Marriage". Send me to the nearest institute.
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This Too Shall Pass
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2258
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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[quote] Aside from the monetary and property issues, I happen to want my daughter. She is adopted and my family paid all the costs, however regardless, I love her and I want to raise her even if by myself. [/quote]
okay.
dont EVER let your little girl hear this line of reasoning.
she will feel bought and paid for.
and revamp your thought process in that arena!
that is NOT healthy for anyone!
try this line of thinking: if im getting a divorce my medical insurance company should have primary custody because they paid for most of the birth.
doesnt even make sense! See?
whatever means a child is brought into a family is how that child is brought into the family. and from there on it's in the past.
as for the rest....good luck.
is there ANY chance of saving this marriage?
irreconcialbe differences arent really worth the hell you, your wife, or you little girl will go through as a result of the divorce.
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taryn.
Edited by taryn (05/13/08 04:44 PM)
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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[quote]That may be the good news, I live in Nevada. So when it's time, the whole thing should go down quickly.
I hear you about my daughter and that's what I figured.......so if I want to be a single Dad I've got to prove that my wife is unfit. That may be a task except she's threatened to leave "both of us" recently. Maybe the thing to do is get things like that on tape. [/quote]
I threatened to leave everybody when I was still married. Usually when the kids were really acting up. I didn't mean it.
Unless she actually abandons her child, you aren't going to be raising the child by yourself. And if your wife is the primary caregiver, her chances of being the custodial parent is good.
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit.
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 857
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Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit. [/quote]
However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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[quote
I threatened to leave everybody when I was still married. Usually when the kids were really acting up. I didn't mean it. [/quote]
Clarification, the above was never said to the kids. Just to ex after the kids went to bed. And he knew I wasn't serious about it.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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+1! "Get you a good layer, a very good one. And be prepared for the fight of your life"
I would add start making financial preps-discuss with lawyer.
She's abusive and you want to get away from her and be fair right? Soon she'll get abusive to the kid too, then you'll have to do something. She doesn't sound like a good person, you better start making preps yesterday or bad momma gonna get long term alimony, assets and the kid w/15 yrs. + leave you with nuttin. You got a lot of money to fight? Settle fast if no or you gonna have financial ruin long after expensive fight, maybe run out of $ near the end and fold. Prepare to be "softened up" with all sorts of actics making you think "it's best for the kid".
Forget about proving mamma abusive, judge doesn't care. You need to prove your own worth, the best you can hope for is 50% and that is unlikely. Don't mix money in with the kids in any way, not in the same thought or paragraph. She can do that but you can't! Be very careful, have a witness around. Good luck, first line has best advice. Ask him his plan to win in an interview and interview several. martindale.com
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3214
Loc: Florida
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[quote]
She's abusive and you want to get away from her and be fair right? Soon she'll get abusive to the kid too, then you'll have to do something. [/quote]
He said browbeating, not abusive...do you need a dictionary or are you purposely trying to twist the words to give wrong ideas?
Browbeating - to intimidate with looks or words; bully.
To depress or bear down with haughty, stern looks, or with arrogant speech and dogmatic assertions; to abash or disconcert by impudent words or looks.
Let that be your lesson of the day, EZ.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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So "Browbeating" by that definition is in the dictionary. It is also another way to describe verbally abusive, which I suspect tired of nagging is on the receiving end of. Justice is in the dictionary too, and not found in family court as defined there.
Tired needs prep for a rough road ahead. I find making excuses over fine points of definitions and having the dictionary being read to me a form of nagging, and quite a turn off. Ooops, wrong thread. Good night
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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[quote]
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit. [/quote]
However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too! [/quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate.
You know nothing other than you got hosed somewhere along the way. Someone sure did a number on your head or maybe it was the other way around. Too bad, so sad.
Dang, there always seems to be a creature like you somewhere every day.....
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This Too Shall Pass
Edited by tiredofnagging (05/16/08 11:49 PM)
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 857
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[quote][quote]
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit. [/quote]
However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too! [/quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate.
You know nothing other than you got hosed somewhere along the way. Someone sure did a number on your head or maybe it was the other way around. Too bad, so sad.
Dang, there always seems to be a creature like you somewhere every day..... [/quote]
I am innapropriate? HA! Read what you wrote man!
You are totally unaware of my situation and of who or what I am. Read what you posted. You stated more than once how you just want your daughter and you will LIE to get her by saying your wife is unfit. I am not a creature and neither is your STBX. I am trying to get you to look at yourself and realize what your intending to do has very serious consequences. Not just for your stbx but for your daughter. My daughter knows what her father said about me and knows it is a lie and has to face her lying father. Think about your child's opinion of you for trying to take a loving parent away for no good reason except your own selfishness. Is this what is best for the child? My wife nags me so I will lie and say she is unfit? That way you don't have to deal with her? Is this your mindset? I am here to tell you that is not going to work. You will alienate your stbx, cause mountains of legal fees and your child will lose respect for you in the process. Is that what you want?
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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[quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate. [/quote]
Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
She just told you what she thought of your crude actions.
Learn the difference.
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 857
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[quote][quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate. [/quote]
Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
She just told you what she thought of your crude actions.
Learn the difference. [/quote]
Yeah...What he is planning is what is grossly innapropriate. Such a pity. Thanks Jada.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption. Also, I guess too you don't understand about being non-judgemental to people who are looking for advice or simply venting.
What seems clear form your posts is that you seem to hate all men. For whatever reason. I could say that's because you were sh!tty wives and got what you deserved. But I won't stoop to your level, which ranks about as high as amphibious turtle sh!t.
Besides, how do you know if my wife is fit or unfit. Answer is you don't have a frigin idea. You just assume that it's all me. Must be that men sh!t. Perhaps you should consider an alternative lifestyle.
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This Too Shall Pass
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 857
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[quote]Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption. Also, I guess too you don't understand about being non-judgemental to people who are looking for advice or simply venting.
What seems clear form your posts is that you seem to hate all men. For whatever reason. I could say that's because you were shitty wives and got what you deserved. But I won't stoop to your level, which ranks about as high as amphibious turtle shit. [/quote]
Actually I just dislike people who act like you are acting. I know plenty about adoption..point is you where the one who said you deserved custody because you paid for the child. Name calling just shows your true colors. I am done...you will receive no more replies from me. Go ahead and bash away. Whatever makes you feel better about your poor choices.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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I know plenty about adoption..point is you where the one who said you deserved custody because you paid for the child.
If you knew even the first thing about LEGAL adoptions, you would never infer that a child was bought. Secondly, if you actually read a previous post I happen to adore my daughter. The issue of MONEY seems to rear its ugly head in just about every divorce discussion.
DOES IT NOT????
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This Too Shall Pass
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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YOu said:
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption.
My response:
I know quite a bit about adoption as I have two family members that are adopted. That leap must have hurt.
You said:
Also, I guess too you don't understand about being non-judgemental to people who are looking for advice or simply venting.
My response:
You are looking to take a child away from someone who you have said is a good person. Simply because you want to raise her by yourself.
You said:
What seems clear form your posts is that you seem to hate all men.
My response:
What seems clear is that you are confusing not agreeing with you and not supporting you blindly in your efforts to raise your child by yourself with hating men.
That leap really must have hurt.
You said:
For whatever reason. I could say that's because you were sh!tty wives and got what you deserved.
My response:
One could say the same to you. Your point?
You said:
But I won't stoop to your level, which ranks about as high as amphibious turtle sh!t.
My response:
Thanks for the laugh. Hello pot, meet kettle.
You said:
Besides, how do you know if my wife is fit or unfit.
My response:
Your posts. You yourself have said that your wife is a good person, here is a direct quote from you:
"TY for your reply. I don't believe she would do that; she is a good person. Fact is, I do not love her anymore and I believe the feeling is mutual. Guess we keep going out of habit or maybe comfort level. Maybe for our daughter."
You said:
Answer is you don't have a frigin idea. You just assume that it's all me.
My response:
Well, your posts do indicate that you think it's all about you. Nowhere have you stated that the mother is unfit. You have, in fact, stated that she is a good person.
One can only go by your posts.
You said:
Must be that men sh!t.
My response:
No, it must be that reading your posts sh*t.
You said:
Thanks for the suggestion, but I'll pass. I like men too much to consider an alternate lifestyle.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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YADA YADA YADA
It must be nice to have that much time to dissect my post. You are a classic. But you just can't seem to put this away, can ya?????
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This Too Shall Pass
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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I know quite a bit about adoption as I have two family members that are adopted. That leap must have hurt.
Are they your children? Because if they're not you're speaking third party. So realistically you don't know sh!t. Only adoptive parents truly know what the experience is truly like. So again you cackle your way to where your nose don't belong.
It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
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This Too Shall Pass
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3341
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[quote]
It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. [/quote]
So, when are you going to start taking your own advice?
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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What are you, the house conscience?
GET A LIFE. GO AWAY. BACK INTO YOUR CAVE. GO TORTURE A MAN.
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This Too Shall Pass
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2639
Loc: Michigan
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I know I might have said I'm not going to sit in judgment anymore..............But come on man. You stated that you wanted to make the wife look unfit and you made the implied comment about the money spent for adoption. You do have a opportunity to have your daughter 50% of the time. Just don't let her see you acting like such a dik, or she might not want to see you when she's older.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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How about nobody sitting in judgement.......we're all here over issues. Nobody is better than anyone else, even the cacklers.
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This Too Shall Pass
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cubsfan
New
Reged: 03/01/08
Posts: 24
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Dude, if you even want a chance of getting some constructive advice on this site, learn to seperate the wheat from the chaff.
While I certainly don't agree with what everyone on this site says, I have also gotten some really good advice because I don't make each disagreement a pissing match. My Granddad used to tell me that the only thing that happened in a pissing match is that you got your pant legs wet.
Don't go down that road man. There are a lot of good people on here that are willing to share their experience, strength and hope. But if you're willing to engage in a pissing contest with each person that gives a dissenting opinion, people won't even bother to respond.
I hope you find what you are looking for in the divorce process. If Mom is a bad mother, present the evidence as a truthful fact. Don't make stuff up, it will come back to haunt you some day with your daughter.
My SO's ex has told his daughter all kinds of bad things about the SO & I. As she has gotten a little older and seen with her own eyes what is really going on, she is beginning to question the veracity of what her Daddy is telling her, and losing respect for him each time he does.
And remember, whether she is a bad Mom or not, she is still MOM and always will be.
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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Ironically I'm not making up stuff. She shrieks at our daughter all the time. She has now admitted she has anger mgmt problems. I told her if she doesn't get help (professional, meds, etc...) I will divorce her and if she continues to browbeat the both of us, I will attempt to take her.
Memo to the critics.....What do I tell her when she asks me why mommy always yells at her????
Constructive and reponsive, non judgemental conversation is good, accusations are not. A pissing war I don't want, however I back down from no one.
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This Too Shall Pass
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tiredofnagging
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 157
Loc: Las Vegas, NV USA
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Didn't think the "experts" would have anything constructive to say, can't say I'm not surprised....
Problem is, it seems to be the husbands fault ad nauseum, that the female is capable of doing wrong. So sad. Well, I'm married to the b!tch on wheels and her specialty is accusing me of not taking care of things while I'm unable to work. (I have a ruptured disc from an auto accident and in constant pain, I usually wake up with no feeling in my hand)
Sadly a conversation that will never take place:
Wife: "How was your day? Does your neck hurt today? Is there anything I can do to help?"
Me: "Thank you for asking. I could sure use a neckrub"
I always ask her how her day was and I listen to her answer. She is an angry woman who can't deal with the imperfections of life. I'm doing the best I can to run the house, pay bills, shop, laundry, take our daughter to and from school, and keep the house clean. AND look for work I CAN DO. But nothing seems to be enough. Criticism is expected and punctual.
That is what I like to refer to as browbeating. And she does shriek at our daughter. Again so much that she asks me why.......
I know I'm gonna blow one day soon.
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This Too Shall Pass
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Get medical docs in order. do not work, make 0$. get atty. advice. You are in a position to file and make hersupports you. Of course she will be a complete deadbeat as the MAJORITY of women ordered to pay support are, but you will not have to support her lazy butt and if you recover can have your kid and your income. Include her "browbeating" and failure to care for you as arguements for special share in any equity in lieu of alimony. Get her an employment eval and extrapolat her potential until she's 67 to see how much she owes you if ordered to become her slave, offer to setttle for 10% off. If you can stay home and care for the kids but not work that's even better, you'll get CS & the kid. With an MRI and that injury could be just what the doctor ordered. Now is the time to wallow, you can get better later.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2258
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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[quote]Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption. [/quote]
the 'bought' comment was actually started by YOU when you stated you child was adopted and your family paid for most/all of the fees!
YOU brought that $$ aspect into it.
quite possibly you didnt mean to, but you mentioned custody right after or before you mentioned who paid for the adoption. making it SOUND as if you should have custody because of who PAID for the adoption.
That's how im thinking the 'bought' comment came into this.
had you simply stated you had a daughter whom you love and you feel you should have full custody, it would not have been an issue.
and it shouldnt.
a son or daughter is just that regardless of how they become your child.
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taryn.
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