tmarie
New
Reged: 06/09/08
Posts: 3
Loc: MO, USA
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I in the same situation.. he leaves for 2 weeks tomorrow... when he gets back he wants to tell my daughter... (my son is in bootcamp and I guess we will have to spring that on him later....
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undecided 72
Gold
Reged: 09/24/07
Posts: 151
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Hey Marie,
Hope I didn't come off too strong in my reply to your post. It's just that I've been through the fire and back and I can tell you that the best thing to do is to brace yourself for the worst, stay strong, keep in perspective what is really happening (faults and all, he's doing you wrong).
You could repeat my original mistake and become super spouse. When I tried this almost two years ago I pretty much lost respect and very nearly lost my wife. It wasn't until I said enough that I slowly started getting respect back. I was lucky (and I think my wife was luckier), the cockroach she was enamored with showed his true self and I think we are on the road to recovery. Yes, I contributed to the problems in our marriage, but we needed to get trust and respect back first before we could begin to work on those things.
I can't guarantee the results, but I do know that first you need to gain your trust back, then your husband needs to respect you, then finally you can work together on the issues you mentioned, you can't jump to the end or fix things fast and it is dependant on your husband being an active participant. If your husband has left permenantly, then you will have to do all the things I suggested anyway (learn to trust, gain respect and work on the personal issues) just not with your husband.
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Decided to keep working
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Beat-Down
Platinum
Reged: 08/20/07
Posts: 207
Loc: Texas
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I am sorry to here about her decision. Divorce sucks no doubt about it. I understand how you feel right now. I was so freaking panicked and I had know idea what my life was going to be like with out her. I had know idea if I could make it without her she was all I knew we practically raised each other.
I can tell you that it does get easier. You will have good days along with the bad. Try and not get all liquored up. That will only cause you more grief. Trust me on that one. Try and stay focused on you. Try and stay strong and keep yourself healthy. I would go for days with out eating a good meal. Don't do that! I know your pain.. Sorry things have turned out this way.
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Don't stop until it sounds expensive!
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better off1?
New
Reged: 06/15/08
Posts: 2
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I feel your pain. I too am in the position of being left behind by a spouse who does not want to try. It's the worst experience of my life so far. I am following the advise of my councelor and not communicating with him beyond parenting issues. Surprisingly he is calling me more now. I also feel a little stronger and in more control of my life when not pursuing him. Good luck to you. Stay strong.
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SingleDad
Bronze
Reged: 06/19/08
Posts: 29
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I have done the clinging "I love you so very much" for the past 5 months to no avail.
Now that the separation papers are signed - I am now expressing my anger at STBXW for leaving and the effect it will have on our 2 year old for years to come.
I started the NC route - tough for no contact when a child is involved. I like the NEC "no emotional contact". I'll have to try that next.
STBXW does call me often mostly re her "Express Train" to independence (paperwork, etc.) Sometimes it seems like she is so dependent on talking to me even if it is for legal issues, child issues, etc.
STBXW wants to be friend/friendly for our daughter's sake - I'm not quite ready for that after one week from signing. She's angry at me for acting like a child - "grow up for your daughter's sake". I will soo enough.
I guess I need to move on to the single independent "I can take care of myself" attitude... maybe that will work to win her back ?
I'll do anything I can for my daughter's sake to bring our family back together.
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Welshmun
New
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 2
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It might be over, but the 'it' is just a part of your life, not all of it. You might find this hard, but I suspect you are wallowing in your grief. Have some self respect. Who exiled you to your room? You or her? In case you're wondering, I've been through this; I believe I'm just coming out of the 'hanging on by the fingernails stage'. My wife has been having an affair for 2 months now. She says she loves him, but loves me too 'in a different way'.
She doesn't have me over a barrel at all, just our relationship. Separate the 2 things. Now.
I'll be back to check progress.
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Welshmun
New
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 2
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You're assuming your daughter won't tell your son before you do. Consider that.
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