aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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I've run into quite a conundrum lately.
I don't have the opportunity to meet ladies in person all that much. I work at home and I don't go to bars/clubs. So, I've been rather forced to meet women online (Match/Myspace/etc). Meeting online has not been a problem for me. In fact, it's overwhelmed with the amount of people messaging me. It's actually been annoying as I've been getting people's stories confused.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm rather shallow. I am initially drawn to women that take care of themselves and are very attractive. After meeting them, I then learn if they have additional qualities that I desire (personality, chemistry).
Now, in the online dating realm, it's the complete opposite. I typically get to see a handful of outdated photos that show the person in an upper body or head shot. While they may have a pretty face, the rest of the package is an absolute crap shoot. But, I get to know their personality as I tend to talk a bit with them via email and eventually over the phone before finally meeting them. They are great until I meet them. 
I think this situation works best for people who like working in that order (personality, physical attraction, chemistry). I'm not like that.
I wish I could enjoy the company of people that aren't physically attractive to me.... but I just can't do it.
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2284
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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You really need to turn the computer off and get out more!!
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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Books29
Platinum
Reged: 02/20/08
Posts: 321
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Hey...Atleast you know what you need. Knowing you need someone that is physically attractive is not bad to know. If you read the book, "His needs, Her needs", one of the top five most important needs for men is a partner who is physically attractive to them so you're not much different from any other male out there.
Have you joined a gym at all? Or maybe sign up for some recreational sports teams in your area. This could give you an opportunity to meet people that take care of themselves physically. How about yoga/pilates? Don't laugh! There are tons of attractive women in those classes! And, I know a lot of men who do those classes and really enjoy them.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
Hey...Atleast you know what you need. Knowing you need someone that is physically attractive is not bad to know. If you read the book, "His needs, Her needs", one of the top five most important needs for men is a partner who is physically attractive to them so you're not much different from any other male out there.
Have you joined a gym at all? Or maybe sign up for some recreational sports teams in your area. This could give you an opportunity to meet people that take care of themselves physically. How about yoga/pilates? Don't laugh! There are tons of attractive women in those classes! And, I know a lot of men who do those classes and really enjoy them.
Yes, I'm a member of a gym. Unfortunately, it's filled with obese men/women. There's a handful of good looking women there, but they are all married. I'm friends with their husbands. 
I also train Jujitsu. Unfortunately, its mostly men. But, it is what's been helping me cope with this divorce crap, so I'm not about to drop it so I can take yoga/pilates.
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divinediscontent
Platinum
Reged: 03/24/07
Posts: 346
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Haven't you ever, ever met a woman that you thought was just kind of okay, then once you got to know her, you thought she was the most adorable, attractive, funny, smartest person? I've met men like that, usually it takes awhile for a person's best attributes to come to the forefront.
But then, as a woman, I never really cared for the superficially attractive male. I'd hate to find myself in the same room with Brad Pitt cause I'm quite certain I'd feel like he's prettier than me!
Your last sentence really needs some clarfication... I mean! Does that imply all of your friends and acquaintances are beautiful? If so, you better go slumming dude and hook up with some of the non-beautiful people. I'm pretty sure you'd be in for a treat!
Lisa
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'If I had my life to live again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.' -Tallujah Bankhead
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 965
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So I'm gathering from your post that you are the complete, total package?
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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You could always do what I did. I went to probation monday at the courthouse and ran into an attractive girl( not in any trouble) I went to dinner with a few times and caught up. It's a hell of a price to pay to meet women however.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
Haven't you ever, ever met a woman that you thought was just kind of okay, then once you got to know her, you thought she was the most adorable, attractive, funny, smartest person? I've met men like that, usually it takes awhile for a person's best attributes to come to the forefront.
People have grown on me. But more so once I've established the fact that there's no physical attraction and took the relationship as purely platonic.
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Your last sentence really needs some clarfication... I mean! Does that imply all of your friends and acquaintances are beautiful? If so, you better go slumming dude and hook up with some of the non-beautiful people. I'm pretty sure you'd be in for a treat!
Some of my friends have some attractive wives. No doubt. I use the term 'friends' loosely. Mostly acquaintances.
And I just can't slum. It's not one of my skills.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
So I'm gathering from your post that you are the complete, total package?
I'm not a complete, total package. I have one flaw. 
But seriously, how did you gather that? I don't recall mentioning that I'm perfect.
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guitar82
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 374
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Hey,I'm with you dude.
Online dating sucks.
I have better luck meeting women where I work because I can see them,talk to them,you know,normal human interaction.
I get smiles all day long and then I get up the nerve to strike up a conversation,thats the hard part.
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This is only a very short period in a very long life
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1865
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Quote:
I typically get to see a handful of outdated photos that show the person in an upper body or head shot. While they may have a pretty face, the rest of the package is an absolute crap shoot.
That is funny.
From what I can tell Aspect, you're an absolute dating machine.
In fact, I'd say you've probably had more dates in two months than most here have had in a year. So it's not all bad. At least you're getting to figure out what you don't like.
The fact that that happens to be a 'crap shoot from the neck down' - well that's okay. No point carrying on with something if what's important to you is missing.
I like tall men. Although I have promised MrPat that I'd chop a few inches of leg off to date him. (Promise still stands Pat.)
The big question is, where do you meet them? I'm not ever going to go online dating and I don't intend to hang out in bars. That reduces my options to spinsterhood - growing into a little old lady on my own! Although a friend of mine who has late in life decided she bats for the other team, has offered to introduce me to 'a friend.'
No! No! No! No! No! I'd waive my tall man rule tomorrow, date online and hang out in a bar first.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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yeah, I don't really care for the online dating thing so far. It is a crap shoot. Going on one tonight. It was hard to get an idea of what she looked like from her picture, but regardless, she's into Nascar, smoking, etc. Just doesn't sound like my type. I don't want to come off sounding like a snob, but I like my women a bit more refined. A bit more city. But I'm going to go give it a shot. Doesn't matter though, I really don't think I'm ready to date.
As for the gym, yeah, I see lots of single attractive women there but I've never really felt like that was the place to meet them, especially when you are competing with dozens of other guys that are taller, skinnier, buffer than you.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
In fact, I'd say you've probably had more dates in two months than most here have had in a year. So it's not all bad. At least you're getting to figure out what you don't like.
I don't know if that's necessarily true, but I've been on a lot. I've got one Friday with someone that I've been out with once before. She's probably been my closest match so far. After our first date, she told me she started working out and running. That's pretty cool. And no, I didn't ask her to.
I've actually got a semi-blind date on Saturday. I've seen pictures of her on myspace, but haven't chatted with her. She's friends with some of my closest friends. She looks pretty good... for a headshot.
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The big question is, where do you meet them?
Grocery stores, sporting events (soccer dads), strip clubs to name a few...
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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Wow. meeting someone in a grocery store. So, you're shopping for a date, not food? I'm usually so absorbed in getting my list done at the grocery store that I rarely look at the other people around me. I have to make the most of the 30 minutes of peace I've got to get the shopping done before I need to pick up DS. Or, if I'm with DS at the store I'm constantly watching him, and not the cute guys in the store.
OK. So what time is pickup/date time at grocery stores? How do you start conversations with potential dates at a grocery store???
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Quote:
That reduces my options to spinsterhood - growing into a little old lady on my own! Although a friend of mine who has late in life decided she bats for the other team, has offered to introduce me to 'a friend.'
No! No! No! No! No! I'd waive my tall man rule tomorrow, date online and hang out in a bar first.
Come on Malone. Let's go out and get a drink together. I'll promise not to cry.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2284
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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Hey Ferg, take a number!!! LOL
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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You guys doin that selective reading again? By the way Malone I'm a lot taller now that I'm standing up straight again. You rock girl, thanks for the nice thoughts again.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
How do you start conversations with potential dates at a grocery store???
I'm always looking. If I see someone attractive, I look for a ring. If they don't have a ring, I observe/stalk them for a few minutes to see if I can tell if they have a boyfriend/kids/etc.
Then, I'll somehow force an interaction of sorts. Running into each other's carts, grabbing the same food item... Based upon their reaction, I'll strike up a conversation. If they say, 'Watch out you [censored] loser!', then that's probably not the girl for me. But if she makes eye contact, and a smile... then it's game on! Now, if she initiates all that, then you've got it made.
The unfortunate part for me, is that I rarely go grocery shopping. I eat out almost every meal unless I have the kids. Then it's Hot Pockets.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2126
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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Quote:
Quote:
I observe/stalk them for a few minutes to see if I can tell if they have a boyfriend/kids/etc.
Then, I'll somehow force an interaction of sorts. Running into each other's carts, grabbing the same food item... Based upon their reaction, I'll strike up a conversation. If they say, 'Watch out you [censored] loser!', then that's probably not the girl for me. But if she makes eye contact, and a smile... then it's game on! Now, if she initiates all that, then you've got it made.
you are TOO funny
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taryn.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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OK, so they who here has actually dated someone they met at the gym?
I think the problem is I don't know what situations are ok to approach some one. For example, last Thursday a large group of us went to dinner. There was a girl eating at another table with her parents and her daughter. No wedding ring, so most likely a single mother. She was cute and I think we may have made casual glances at each other, but that was that. What's appropriate in a situation like that? Do you just walk up, say I'm sorry for interupting your meal but I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. Would you like to get coffee sometime? It just seems so shallow. I don't know. I was never good at meeting women unless one or both of us were drunk.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
OK, so they who here has actually dated someone they met at the gym?
I did in college. But I think the girls at the gym in college are there to meet guys. Whereas, the women in gyms are there to work out. You can easily tell the difference between who is there to meet guys and who is going to get annoyed if you talk to them.
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I think the problem is I don't know what situations are ok to approach some one. For example, last Thursday a large group of us went to dinner. There was a girl eating at another table with her parents and her daughter. No wedding ring, so most likely a single mother. She was cute and I think we may have made casual glances at each other, but that was that. What's appropriate in a situation like that? Do you just walk up, say I'm sorry for interupting your meal but I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. Would you like to get coffee sometime? It just seems so shallow. I don't know. I was never good at meeting women unless one or both of us were drunk.
I've always been much better meeting people face to face then online. Online it just feels really awkward to me. I stumble a bit on how to get the conversation initiated. I don't want to sound retarded. Written text doesn't convey tone, so it's easy to come off as an idiot.
In your scenario, if I felt there was a connection (smiles/glances), I would of done something. I probably wouldn't of interrupted their meal, as some parents might be upset over that. However, when they are getting up to leave, I would of pounced.
Just think of this. What's the worst thing that can happen? She says no, laughs at you? The father is actually her boyfriend? Embarrassment? Big deal. Nobody but you will care that this ever happened. But, what's the best thing that can happen? A date, a relationship down the road, etc...
If anything, it gives you experience so the next time you do it, you adjust your tactics based upon what worked and what didn't.
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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aspect, aspect, aspect,
From reading your posts I’m thinking like a few others…’you've got to be the total package’ but why so much trouble hooking up with an attractive women?
What is that one flaw? come on tell us....
Are you really the Quasimodo type? And before I get slammed I am only kidding there is absolutely nothing wrong with a Quasimodo type just ask my ex…it’s all about personality not looks! Nope physical attraction isn't important and I wouldn't give George Clooney a second glance in the grocery store
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 965
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Moving, it was pointed out to me (not by aspect) that yea, he’s got it going on.
But, I gotta give a women’s perspective…
If a man is going to try a blatant pick up line, he better be:
1. very smooth
2. very good looking
3. so horrifically uncomfortable looking delivering a pickup line, that he’s cute
otherwise, not many women are going to be impressed.
IMO!
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I say that's bull, women are going to be drawn to physical characteristics from the start as well.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 965
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Did you happen to read #2?
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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yeah, but I'm saying even if it isn't a blatant pickup line. If a guy that may not be the best looking guy (balding, little weight issue, etc) in the world is sitting next to you and church and tries to start up a conversation with you, seems like a nice enough guy and asks you to coffee, I would say the vast majority of women are going to turn him down.
There was a report recently I ready where in most cases, couples (in terms of physical looks) on a scale of 1-10 are usually within a +2/-2 of each other. So if a women is a 10, chances are she will not be seen with a 6, unless that 6 is able to offset his physical defects by a large bank account, etc.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 965
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Maybe the scenario you describe is true of most women, but it’s not true for me. I would be more apt to accept an invitation from a balding, little over weight man that struck up a conversation at church, than a drop-dead gorgeous guy that tried a blatant, cheesy pick-up line at the grocery store. I wouldn’t describe myself as a ten, but I know I’m not a six!!
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1351
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Quote:
Maybe the scenario you describe is true of most women, but it’s not true for me. I would be more apt to accept an invitation from a balding, little over weight man that struck up a conversation at church, than a drop-dead gorgeous guy that tried a blatant, cheesy pick-up line at the grocery store. I wouldn’t describe myself as a ten, but I know I’m not a six!!
Hi. How you doing? Nice running into you here on this forum. You come around here often? Listen, if you're not doing anything Saturday,............... :-)
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1865
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Quote:
You guys doin that selective reading again? By the way Malone I'm a lot taller now that I'm standing up straight again. You rock girl, thanks for the nice thoughts again.
And here I am at 5'5" Pat. 2 inches less than I used to be. And it's my pleasure. You rock too.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
From reading your posts I’m thinking like a few others…’you've got to be the total package’ but why so much trouble hooking up with an attractive women?
Because I'm picking them up online. :/ I'm at least picking out the attractive faces. I did, however, go to Wal Mart today all prepared to do my shopping cart trick, but the scene was pretty dead. Sigh...
Quote:
Nope physical attraction isn't important and I wouldn't give George Clooney a second glance in the grocery store
I wouldn't give Clooney a second glance either. Brad Pitt... now that's a different story...
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
Maybe the scenario you describe is true of most women, but it’s not true for me. I would be more apt to accept an invitation from a baldi |
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