Calico
Platinum
Reged: 11/01/06
Posts: 359
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What a great post, Mari. Hopefully people new to this whole process will think about your advice.
My husband and I have been seperated for 4 years. We will never live together again, though we may not divorce, I don't know for sure. We get along better now than we did when we were living together. I thank God I didn't blow his garbage all over town, as we are still both living here and part of the community. I was always afraid of putting my kids through more pain by trashing him. You are right, he is there father and they love him no matter what. They are aware of his problems, and they still love him, though they did lose some respect for him.
I forgave him for my own peace of mind, and we get along okay now. I had the chance to show the OW's husband pictures of them together, and then I thought, why? It would hurt my kids and her kids! Why cause any more destruction than had already been done? To accomplish...what? More anger? More hatred? I had a great support system who let me vent to them and they kept it private. I always, always treated him respectfully in front of the kids, and in public. I had someone say, how can you be decent to him after the crap he has thrown at you? Because I dealt with it in private. And trust me, I did alot of trash talking about him and the old [censored]. It is nothing to be proud of, but pretty normal, given the circumstances.
I have tried to be a good role model for my kids, though I have failed them in many ways. I want them to know that yes, you can survive when someone craps on you. Yes, you can get up and go and hold your head up and go on. Because I KNOW they will all get crapped on to at some point, in some way. Life is like that.
This is a great place to come and blow off steam!!! You are anonymous, and it doesn't come back to haunt you.
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newlife123
Gold
Reged: 11/04/07
Posts: 182
Loc: phila suburb-PA
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I haven't been here in a long while but this hit home. I tried very hard to be the better person but I have to say I blew it big time on occasion. The OW works for the same company as I do and made no secret of the romance so it was in my face a lot. I tried not to comment on them as they became public but I did. It hurt and I'm not proud but it was hard feeling like they got "away" with it. I've matured since then and I start a new job on Monday. Far, Far away from both of them.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 617
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Well done!!! Will take heed to the advice.. Most people think my s2bx is the bomb. I can't wait until it explodes.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1055
Loc: Hell, USA
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I assure you they get what they deserve at some point.
My ex trashed me to everyone in our small town of 2,352 people. He even went as far as taking my son to visit MY family-8hrs away. My parents didn't give him the time of day-but my brother did. Part of the ex's plan was to show how great he was for going out of his way to taken our son to visit-something he knew I was in no position to do.
Well 1 1/2 yrs later-he is getting his. You know a leopard can't change his spots and the spots are still there. He has encountered enough people to show his true 'spots'.
I chose to say nothing. I just stick by the saying that you never know what goes on behind closed doors. There is no point in trying to defend myself. I have just let time show what I am made of. It is still not easy-but more people tell me what a 'dick' the ex is and that they are sorry they ever fell for his lies.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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