msty
Platinum
Reged: 11/16/07
Posts: 221
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My ex and I have put a clause in our divorce decree that we have to ask each other first if we can babysit before asking anyone else.
He asked me to watch our daughter tomorrow, but he wants me to come to his house, where he has his pregnant (ex) girlfriend staying/sleeping and watch our child there.
I am really uncomfortable with the idea of going to the house I used to share with him, and having to remain there, because he expects me to.
If he asks me to watch our daughter because he is busy, doesn't that mean I should be able to watch her at my own house, and put her to sleep there? I have her the next day and he isn't returning until 11pm.
It seems logical that he would just drop her off at my house for the night and he can go out and do what he wants to do. If he asks me to take care of her because he is busy, shouldn't I be able to do it on my own terms?
Am I being unreasonable?
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Everything now is as it should be.
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sohurt
Gold
Reged: 03/14/07
Posts: 155
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What exactly does the decree state? Does it just say that you have to ask your ex if he wants to watch your daughter and vice versa if you have an appointment etc.?
If nothing is specifically stated just that you have to ask each other then I would tell him that he is to drop her off at your house and he can pick her up the following morning. Period.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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He doesn't get to tell you where you can have your child. Unless the court order says that, which I doubt.
What I would tell him is that he can drop your child off at your place and pick her up when he is done.
If he balks, tell him that you would love the opportunity to snoop in his house. He will probably drop your child off at your place.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3112
Loc: Colorado
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Often these first-right-of-refusal clauses lack the specificity necessary for them to work cleanly. It sounds like this is the case with your parenting agreement. You have a choice, either wrestle over it or choose to reject or accept what has been offered. If you wrestle, you can expect the primary outcome to be the fight itself.
MY FRoR clause applies only to overnights. If I'm staying out late, I don't need to take the awkward step of involving my ex. If I'm traveling, she gets the option. This has worked well for us.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2126
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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tell him you'd LOVE to help him out on his day and spend the evening wiht your little girl, but it will have to be at your house, otherwise tell him he'll have to make other arrangements.
or, what the hell....say okay,
and then take her to your house.
sorry...bad advise...dont do THAT one!
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taryn.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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[quote]tell him you'd LOVE to help him out on his day and spend the evening wiht your little girl, but it will have to be at your house, otherwise tell him he'll have to make other arrangements.
or, what the hell....say okay,
and then take her to your house.
sorry...bad advise...dont do THAT one! [/quote]
Actually, she doesn't have to go to his house. And she can go and pick up her child and bring her child back to her place. ROFR means that she gets the child if he isn't able to care for the child on his time. It doesn't mean that she has to do so at his place.
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msty
Platinum
Reged: 11/16/07
Posts: 221
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the decree states that each parent must ask the other to babysit before asking anyone else. I guess that is vague. I know it is nice to wake up with her and get her ready for school, and I can see why he would want to spend that time with her, but I just do not want to spend any time in that house.
I also don't want to make this into a fight with him. Any ideas on how I can approach him with this without causing a freak out session with him? We definitely don't get along very well, and if he feels I am being unreasonable he will react very strongly and go into attack mode.
I do want to be with my daughter though. I don't want to tell him to ask someone else, because I want to be with her.
any ideas?
ps Hi everybody!
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Everything now is as it should be.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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[quote]the decree states that each parent must ask the other to babysit before asking anyone else. I guess that is vague. I know it is nice to wake up with her and get her ready for school, and I can see why he would want to spend that time with her, but I just do not want to spend any time in that house.
I also don't want to make this into a fight with him. Any ideas on how I can approach him with this without causing a freak out session with him? We definitely don't get along very well, and if he feels I am being unreasonable he will react very strongly and go into attack mode.
I do want to be with my daughter though. I don't want to tell him to ask someone else, because I want to be with her.
any ideas?
ps Hi everybody! [/quote]
How far away do you live from your ex?
If you don't want to be there, simply tell him that you are exercising ROFR, just at your house. There is nothing unreasonable about that if you don't live that far apart.
And if he's going to be out late, well, then the child spends the night. If he doesn't like that, then he needs to change his plans.
From what you have posted, it's going to be a fight unless you do it his way.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1517
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Jada,
I am with you except on the overnight. Yes, 11 is late, but it is his time and if he wants to wake up with her, then that is his right. She only has ROFR for the time he is gone - it does not extend to the overnight.
As for the insistence of staying at his house - I like the idea of saying out loud - I am sure that you would feel very uncomfortable knowing that I have free reign to look around your house, your things, etc., so I would prefer to do it at my house.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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[quote]Jada,
I am with you except on the overnight. Yes, 11 is late, but it is his time and if he wants to wake up with her, then that is his right. She only has ROFR for the time he is gone - it does not extend to the overnight.
As for the insistence of staying at his house - I like the idea of saying out loud - I am sure that you would feel very uncomfortable knowing that I have free reign to look around your house, your things, etc., so I would prefer to do it at my house. [/quote]
It does extend to overnight if it is really late.
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