mistake#2
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Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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The post on men not being interested in sex had me thinking about this...
I was questioning whether it was really a generation thing, older generations aren't as open about sexuality as say generation X possibly?
I'm 33...I'm very open with my kids about their sexuality and have always answered questions as truthfully and tactfully as possible. In turn, they ask me things that embarass my husband who is turning 40. I know that they will always come to me for answers and hope that my honesty will keep them from feeling the need to experiment as I did at a young age.
I was always open with my husband too in regards to talking about sex...did the whole when have you last been tested, you need to show me a negative HIV test before we go bare, what do you like, etc...I had one encounter in the past where I did all this and the person who swore they were clean had to admit later after getting STD testing that they weren't and they wouldn't have got the testing done if I hadn't pointed out something specific that didn't "look" right and refused to go further without knowing.
Not that anyone here needs specifics but I'm wondering how open most are with their partners and if it's an age/generational gap that is causing some off statistics.
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**4 weeks to go**
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ATVILLAS
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Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2283
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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[quote]I'm 33...I'm very open with my kids about their sexuality and have always answered questions as truthfully and tactfully as possible. In turn, they ask me things that embarass my husband who is turning 40. [/quote]
My kids are 32, they don't ask me about sex anymore, just for money!!!! LOL
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Help someone smile today!!!
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movingon2
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Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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ATVILLAS
too funny...bet they could teach you a thing or two "about money" ;)...times are a changing...
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jbar
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Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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Not that this has much to do with mens' rights or even divorce, but I would like to ask you a few questions, as if I were one of your kids, and to see what your answers would be to them:
1. Mommy, why do men have to pay for everything when a man and a woman "date"?
2. Mommy, I heard Uncle Joe telling someone that his wife divorced him for his money and now he has to live in a shelter, and his wife stays in the house he bought and he has to pay her almost everything he makes. He said that he only gets to see Jimmy and Janette once a week, for two hours. Is this true? Did he do something wrong?
3. Mommy, what is "prostitution"? Why is someone on TV always saying that someone is going to jail for it?
4. Mommy, what is an "abortion"? I saw someone on TV holding a sign that said it is murder. If this is true, why don't they arrest someone who does this, instead of the "prostitutes"?
Your absence of any reply will be understandable, as would be your absence of any reply if you were, indeed, asked these questions by your child. How can a person rationally answer any question, when the answer would expose themselves as being a self-serving, exploitative hypocrite?!
Edited by jbar (05/15/08 03:47 AM)
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malone
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Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1855
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[quote]
1. Mommy, why do men have to pay for everything when a man and a woman "date"?
2. Mommy, I heard Uncle Joe telling someone that his wife divorced him for his money and now he has to live in a shelter, and his wife stays in the house he bought and he has to pay her almost everything he makes. He said that he only gets to see Jimmy and Janette once a week, for two hours. Is this true? Did he do something wrong?
3. Mommy, what is "prostitution"? Why is someone on TV always saying that someone is going to jail for it?
4. Mommy, what is an "abortion"? I saw someone on TV holding a sign that said it is murder. If this is true, why don't they arrest someone who does this, instead of the "prostitutes"?
Your absence of any reply will be understandable, as would be your absence of any reply if you were, indeed, asked these questions by your child.
How can a person rationally answer any question, when the answer would expose themselves as being a self-serving, exploitative hypocrite? [/quote]
You dislike women so much. So just who do you like if you don't like women?
Were you ever married? If so, what is your wife doing now? Presumably living high on the hog on your money and that's what's got you ...all of you. Nothing left but bitter feelings to every living female on this earth.
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malone
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Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1855
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Oh man. I think I might be turning into a feminist.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1336
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I'm 41, my wife is going to be 36. We never really shared that stuff with each other. I always felt like she was embarresed about that stuff. I even bought her a book, something along the lines of "it's ok for good girls to be bad". Ultimately, who cares at this point. Doesn't really matter.
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Here I am ladies.......come and get me. :-)
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liberated
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Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 548
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Wow, jbar, you can hijack any thread with your distorted thinking...
But Malone, I think this is a good question. I think it has less to do with age or generation than just simply outlook and upbringing. My Ex is 56, 17 yrs older than me...don't ask! But he is closed off about everything...including sex. We talked about it once every year or so when I brought it up and complained that he never wanted it...how that made me feel, etc. He avoided it and discussion of it like the plague. That was from the beginning...long story.
Now, I am dating my BF who is 47. He is very open and honest about everything sexual and we talk openly before during and after. Wow! What a difference that makes. But again, he is open and honest about everything and we talk all the time about big things, littlethings, our communication in all regards is top notch.
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Kimberley
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chatter box
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Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1186
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There is more then 10 years differance in my wife and I and we are pretty open about it. Not like my X and I with one year between us. With my current cituation with my X and I do not even want to think about when our daughter gets older.
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jakandme
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Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 569
Loc: on my way up the hill
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this is an interesting discussion. I'm very open about sex with a partner. I'm passionate and also compassionate, so I'm able to ask alot of questions and don't mind to answer alot of them either. That is just me. The stbx, liked talking about it but only when it was convienent for him. Just like everything else in his life. Only when it's good for him would he ever discuss anything. My kids are at funny ages about it, they hear words like sex and sexy on tv and at school and they ask me about it. Not too long ago my six year old heard a girl at school say that if a boy takes you on a date, they just want sex. I asked her what she thought that meant. She said they kiss ya and hold your hand and I told her that only grown ups who are married have sex and that she didn't need to know exactly what it meant right now. I don't know if I handled that sitch well or not, I mean she is six years old! How can you be tactful to that? That was the best I could come up with when she was telling her five year old sister what the girl at school had said. UUUGGGGHHH I never knew about that stuff until I was at least ten, and that was because my cousin told me you could get pregnant if a boy french kissed you. lol As far as lovers, in this day and time, you have to be very careful. There are things out there that nothing can cure. Very scary!
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What is the future but a mirrored image of the past? Only we can make it better or worse!
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stoltz
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Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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Personally, I think the generation influence plays only a minor role in it. Yes, newer generations are more open/liberal as evidenced by a lot of things in our society (for example, amount of allowable cursing, and tolerance thereof, on public TV).
But there are also some side issues raised with being more open - IOW, what one may define as appropriate "openess" WRT sex, another may find offensive regardless of age/generation. Then it morphs into a moral issue.
I have two older kids, who, unfortunately, grew up the majority of time away from me, so I never had a chance really to engage in this type of discussion with them. I have some younger kids now, and when the opportunity arises we'll both talk to them about it.
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mistake#2
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Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Not that this has much to do with mens' rights or even divorce, but I would like to ask you a few questions, as if I were one of your kids, and to see what your answers would be to them:
1. Mommy, why do men have to pay for everything when a man and a woman "date"?
2. Mommy, I heard Uncle Joe telling someone that his wife divorced him for his money and now he has to live in a shelter, and his wife stays in the house he bought and he has to pay her almost everything he makes. He said that he only gets to see Jimmy and Janette once a week, for two hours. Is this true? Did he do something wrong?
3. Mommy, what is "prostitution"? Why is someone on TV always saying that someone is going to jail for it?
4. Mommy, what is an "abortion"? I saw someone on TV holding a sign that said it is murder. If this is true, why don't they arrest someone who does this, instead of the "prostitutes"?
Your absence of any reply will be understandable, as would be your absence of any reply if you were, indeed, asked these questions by your child. How can a person rationally answer any question, when the answer would expose themselves as being a self-serving, exploitative hypocrite?! [/quote]
JBAR, your stupid...but actually some of those questions have come up with my kids and depending upon their age determines how I answer the question as I don't give more information than what they can either handle or are looking for.
1. Has never come up, as I teach my children equality...the person who asks for the date pays and either can ask. Personally for teenagers, I think when they start going out on a regular basis things should be split or traded off. For example,if my daughter has a steady boyfriend, then sometimes she pays & sometime he pays or they go dutch...or they find something to do that doesn't cost money cause their isn't anything wrong with that.
2. That's just a bunch of crap and doesn't deserve a reply.
3. Prostitution is illegal. Whether we agree that it should be or not doesn't matter, if someone breaks the law then they go to jail.
4. Abortion is legal. Whether we agree that it should be or not doesn't matter. They didn't break any law.
Your the self-serving hypocrite JBAR!
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**4 weeks to go**
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jbar
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Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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===========================================================
"Not that this has much to do with mens' rights or even divorce, but I would like to ask you a few questions, as if I were one of your kids, and to see what your answers would be to them:
1. Mommy, why do men have to pay for everything when a man and a woman "date"?"
1. Has never come up, as I teach my children equality...the person who asks for the date pays and either can ask. Personally for teenagers, I think when they start going out on a regular basis things should be split or traded off. For example,if my daughter has a steady boyfriend, then sometimes she pays & sometime he pays or they go dutch...or they find something to do that doesn't cost money cause their isn't anything wrong with that.
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LOL! You know very well that if you told your daughter this, and she then asked a boy for a date, and paid for it, she would be laughed at and ridiculed by her peers--both male and female. She would then hate you for the rest of her life. This is the kind of sexist, anti-male mentality which I am complaining about. You may not possess it yourself, but it is part and parcel of our culture.
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"2. Mommy, I heard Uncle Joe telling someone that his wife divorced him for his money and now he has to live in a shelter, and his wife stays in the house he bought and he has to pay her almost everything he makes. He said that he only gets to see Jimmy and Janette once a week, for two hours. Is this true? Did he do something wrong?"
2. That's just a bunch of crap and doesn't deserve a reply.
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Is that what you would tell your child if he asked you such a question (using the appropriate, actual names of parties)? Would you justify such an answer by telling yourself that "this is all the information he needs or can understand"? Children have an innate, inborn sense of justice. After giving such a reply, would you be surprised if the child then suspected that you can no longer be trusted, are part of some odd, hidden conspiracy, and that Uncle Joe is one of the victims of it? In the event that he were to do so, these natural suspicions of the child would be one-hundred percent correct and justified!
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"3. Mommy, what is "prostitution"? Why is someone on TV always saying that someone is going to jail for it?"
3. Prostitution is illegal. Whether we agree that it should be or not doesn't matter, if someone breaks the law then they go to jail.
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Is this supposed to be an answer to the child's question? He really wants to know what it is that people are going to jail for all the time. If your child is old enough, and intelligent enough, to ask such a question then he will not accept such a dismissive reply, and will know that are trying to BS him.
If everyone believed, as you apparently do, that an arbitrary law is its own justification, then shouldn't blacks still be segregated? Shouldn't we still be subjects of The Queen? Shouldn't women still be the "property" of men? If they were still so, then shouldn't you presently believe that any woman should go to jail for behaving in violation of his orders, or that he should have the right to punish her for doing so?
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"4. Mommy, what is an "abortion"? I saw someone on TV holding a sign that said it is murder. If this is true, why don't they arrest someone who does this, instead of the "prostitutes"?"
4. Abortion is legal. Whether we agree that it should be or not doesn't matter. They didn't break any law.
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As explained in my last response, an arbitrary law cannot be its own justification. The collective conscience of the people, in a democracy, must continually weigh the justice of all law and these same people must, then, do anything they legally can to oppose unjust law. The corrolary is also true; license to behave in an unjust way must be opposed by the people with appropriate law. The fact that a given, voluntary act MAY be performed at the expense of a victim should be enough to justify law prohibiting it, particularly when the act may be murder, even if such victimization cannot be proven. Pregnancy is a normal, not a pathological process, and interference with it may produce such a murder victim. No one knows.
Mistake, you now stand naked, in the eyes of the entire world, exposed as a typical self-aggrandizing woman who specializes in selling lies, half truths and three-quarter truths. You are clearly seen as doing so while twisting and spinning--or totally ignoring--every question or issue of justice, with respect to relationships between men and women, to your own favor and for the benefit of your feminazi peers.
I may or may not be "stupid", but I'm smart enough to see THIS!
Edited by jbar (05/16/08 01:10 AM)
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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[quote]===========================================================
1. Has never come up, as I teach my children equality...the person who asks for the date pays and either can ask.
**You replied**LOL! You know very well that if you told your daughter this, and she then asked a boy for a date, and paid for it, she would be laughed at and ridiculed by her peers--both male and female. She would then hate you for the rest of her life. This is the kind of sexist, anti-male mentality which I am complaining about. You may not possess it yourself, but it is part and parcel of our culture.
++++ No, my daughter is not laughed at by her peers and a lot of kids nowadays have the same mentality when it comes to dating and finances. This isn't a hypothetical answer as my children do this and as a matter of fact, when I was a teenager I also did this.
HOW OLD ARE YOU AGAIN?
It's not sexist for a woman to pay...but it IS sexist to assume that a man SHOULD pay.
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2. That's just a bunch of crap and doesn't deserve a reply.
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**You replied**
Is that what you would tell your child if he asked you this question (fill in appropriate actual names of parties)?
++++how about we change that to the questions that I have been asked..."mommy how come daddy has a brand new television and just got this huge tax refund but you haven't gotten new clothing in years, we can't go to McDonalds and he won't help so I can play soccer?" "How come you can't bring us to Chuck E Cheese like daddy does?" "How come daddy uses all his cell phone minutes to call his new girlfriend, but hasn't called us in 3 weeks?" "How come daddy lives in a 4 bedroom house by himself, but the 3 of us live in a 2 bedroom apt?" "How come you have to work 2 jobs but daddy doesn't?" "Why does daddy cuss and scream in my face?" "Why did daddy ask me if I was a virgin and threaten to bring me to the doctor to have my hymen examined when he didn't believe me?" "Why did daddy grab me by the throat and hold me up against the wall?" "Why did daddy smack me in the head when he knew I was recovering from sinus surgery?" "Why did daddy lie to the cops and say I was being unruly instead of telling them that he dragged me through the house after scraping my back along the bed rail because I couldn't get my shoes on fast enough?" Those JBAR are the true questions I have gotten. What you are suggesting hasn't remotely happened to any MAN that I know of...that's why is so much crap++
**You said**
Would you justify such an answer by telling yourself that "this is all the information he needs or can understand"? Children have an innate, inborn sense of justice. After giving such a reply, would you be surprised if the child then believed that you can no longer be trusted, are part of some odd, hidden conspiracy, and that Uncle Joe is one of the victims of it? In this case, the child's natural assumptions and instincts would be one-hundred percent correct!
++I don't lie to my kids. period. If I ever got a question as ridiculous as this, then I would see whose been feeding the kids so much crap and confront them on it. If it was remotely true then I would address that with the kids. Seriously JBAR, how many men do you personally know of that live in a shelter after their wives divorced them for no reason and took EVERYTHING? I would bet zero, zilch, none...and if you try to put yourself in those shoes we'll call your bluff and tell you to get off your a$$ (along with disability) and quit sponging off your grown kids.
"3. Mommy, what is "prostitution"? Why is someone on TV always saying that someone is going to jail for it?"
3. Prostitution is illegal. Whether we agree that it should be or not doesn't matter, if someone breaks the law then they go to jail.
**You then stated**
Is this supposed to be an answer to the child's question? He really wants to know what it is that people are going to jail for all the time. If your child is old enough, and intelligent enough, to ask such a question then he will not accept such a dismissive reply, and know that are trying to BS him.
++Yes, age appropriate and I assumed since you asked that you were old enough to know what prostitution was so I didn't need to repeat it...my older kids and I have had discussions about it, they know what it is and they know my views. That being said, my personal views about prostitution really doesn't matter past a certain age they need to make the decision for themselves about how they feel about it.
**you stated**
If everyone believed, as you apparently do, that an arbitrary law is its own justification, then shouldn't blacks still be segregated? Shouldn't we still be subjects of The Queen? Shouldn't women still be the "property" of men? If they were still so, then shouldn't you presently believe that any woman should go to jail for behaving in violation of his orders, or that he should have the right to punish her for doing so?
++NO, again your just being argumentative...
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"4. Mommy, what is an "abortion"? I saw someone on TV holding a sign that said it is murder. If this is true, why don't they arrest someone who does this, instead of the "prostitutes"?"
4. Abortion is legal. Whether we agree that it should be or not doesn't matter. They didn't break any law.
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See my last response.
++This too my kids and I have discussed...they all know what it is (including my 8 year old), don't you kow what it is? and the kids know my personal opinion. This too at some point they will decide whether they agree to or disagree to, the fact remains is that it is legal.
**You stated**
Mistake, you now stand naked, in the eyes of the entire world, exposed as a typical self-aggrandizing woman who specializes in selling lies, half truths and three-quarters truths. You are clearly seen as doing so while twisting and spinning--or totally ignoring--every question or issue of justice, with respect to relationships between men and women, to your own favor and for the benefit of your feminazi peers.
I may or may not be "stupid", but I'm smart enough to see THIS! [/quote]
++Open your eyes JBAR...I am none of those things that you stated. What your doing is objectifying every woman that comes on here as fitting into a certain mold that you have decided fits all.
And how is any of this supposed to be "in my favor"?
Give me a break, I say that I'm open and honest with my kids and you try to test me? Then you spew out nonsense and call me a liar?
Here's the difference between you and I...I understand that I have some unique ideas and that not everybody agrees with all of them which is just fine with me. I also don't feel the need to try and "brainwash" anyone, including my children, into believing exactly what I believe. Sure kids learn what you teach them, but I teach my kids to think for themselves and question things that they don't agree with. Religiously, my older kids and I don't even practice the same exact beliefs and have amazing conversations about it. I teach them to RESPECT others beliefs, not to just agree without any questions nor disagree argumentatively but to respect their rights to have different opinions than someone elses. I will openly talk about what I'm prejudice against...and its probably a lot different than most.
You are biased...you don't teach, you spew.
I hope people on here see you for what you are.
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**4 weeks to go**
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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[quote)++++how about we change that to the questions that I have been asked..."mommy how come daddy has a brand new television and just got this huge tax refund but you haven't gotten new clothing in years, we can't go to McDonalds and he won't help so I can play soccer?" "How come you can't bring us to Chuck E Cheese like daddy does?" "How come daddy uses all his cell phone minutes to call his new girlfriend, but hasn't called us in 3 weeks?" "How come daddy lives in a 4 bedroom house by himself, but the 3 of us live in a 2 bedroom apt?" "How come you have to work 2 jobs but daddy doesn't?" "Why does daddy cuss and scream in my face?" "Why did daddy ask me if I was a virgin and threaten to bring me to the doctor to have my hymen examined when he didn't believe me?" "Why did daddy grab me by the throat and hold me up against the wall?" "Why did daddy smack me in the head when he knew I was recovering from sinus surgery?" "Why did daddy lie to the cops and say I was being unruly instead of telling them that he dragged me through the house after scraping my back along the bed rail because I couldn't get my shoes on fast enough?" Those JBAR are the true questions I have gotten. What you are suggesting hasn't remotely happened to any MAN that I know of...that's why is so much crap++
[/quote]
Now pretend your a mother who has to deal with those questions...and a lot more, I'd really like to know what are you going to respond to those kids?
Try explaining to THEM why their dad who professes love for them treats them this way & why no one can seem to do anything about it.
You can spew as much hateful nonsense my way as you want JBAR, you really have NO friggin' clue what a lot of people go through...men, women and kids alike.
I don't have the luxury of trying to give my kids some fairytale life that you appear to think that women steal...I deal with REAL issues, REAL problems and not contrived scenarios.
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**4 weeks to go**
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2283
Loc: Lost in the post D maze!!
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Why do people even respond to Jbar??????????????????
And when you do why do you have to copy his methods??========================================================================================================================
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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allthumbs
Platinum
Reged: 07/12/07
Posts: 360
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I just ignore his rants. And:
"if someone breaks the law then they go to jail."
If this were only true. sigh.
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1855
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[quote]Why do people even respond to Jbar??????????????????
[/quote]
Out of morbid fascination with the dark unhappiness of one person.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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===========================================================
Why do people even respond to Jbar??????????????????
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Because, like a thief caught red-handed, they know they are guilty but must follow their natural impulse to insistently deny it and attempt to "explain" their behaviour!
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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Who is the self-serving hypocrite JBAR?
Who is standing exposed for who and what they really are... YOU ...can't respond to legitimate questions instead of contrived ones?
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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===========================================================
Who is standing exposed for who and what they really are... YOU ...can't respond to legitimate questions instead of contrived ones?
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I'm not sure what "legitimate questions" you would like me to answer. If it is the question of "who stands exposed...", then I have already answered it; the answer remains you and all other women who insist that the divorce laws be biased in their favor. If the questions are the supposed "real" ones which you claim to have actually heard, then I don't know the answers. Perhaps you were simply naive at the time you divorced your husband, and thought that you could "do it yourself". Squeezing the life --and life's savings--out of a man in a divorce, is something which lawyers get paid a fortune to do and, although a "slam dunk" for women under modern divorce law, should never be attempted by amateurs.
As far as some of the supposedly child-abusive behaviour you described is concerned, there are three schools of thought about the most productive way to handle impudent, disrespectful behaviour by children toward their father. The "modern", liberal approach is to threaten a "time out". This may have some success if the parent has enough self-discipline to adhere to whatever this implies to the child, including loss of certain privileges. Unfortunately this method, of course, requires that the child be in the custody of the offended parent at all times--hardly the true scenario for a divorced man who seldom gets to see his child, is it? The other two approaches involve either a reasoned, methodical form of physical punishment --such as "spanking"--which would no doubt be amplified by the child in the retelling, while his own culpability is diminished. This really leaves only the type of frustrated, "at the end of his rope" behaviour you described, as the only viable alternative to allowing the child to behave in any way he may wish.
Yes, I have personally known of many scenarios such as the one described by "Uncle Joe" in my allegory. This very thing actually happened to my own uncle, when I was a child, and I actually asked my own mother the very question I phrased, hypothetically, to you. She answered that she thought that it was wrong, and that no one--especially a court or judge--had the right to assume that anyone owed anything to anyone else, and that everyone is not guilty, and not liable to anyone else, until clearly proven so. Of course, she had been raised in a time when people were taught morality and ethics as they grew up, and not to selfishly grab anything they can from people, even if a stupid law allows them to!
Any other questions?
Edited by jbar (05/17/08 01:10 AM)
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numbnms
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Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 642
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You two, meaning Jbar and Mistake, cra ck me up. I agree with some of the points Jbar makes from time to time, ie the system is blatenly pro-woman in divorce, but for the most part what could be an open and enlightening discussion instead becomes a name calling 3rd grade playground fight.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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[quote]===========================================================
Who is standing exposed for who and what they really are... YOU ...can't respond to legitimate questions instead of contrived ones?
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I'm not sure what "legitimate questions" you would like me to answer.
**You made up contrived scenarios about kiddie questions...I gave you true questions that my kids have asked, yet you ignored ALL of them.
If it is the question of "who stands exposed...", then I have already answered it; the answer remains you and all other women who insist that the divorce laws be biased in their favor.
**REally, when have you ever heard me insist any of that? You haven't cause you are just lumping women into one category. Good thing a lot of women don't do that in regards to men like you...
If the questions are the supposed "real" ones which you claim to have actually heard, then I don't know the answers.
**...no not just claimed, it's documented in court documents and my ex has admitted saying certain things to the kids (including the one about bringing my then 14 year old daughter to the doctor to have her hymen examined)
Perhaps you were simply naive at the time you divorced your husband, and thought that you could "do it yourself". Squeezing the life --and life's savings--out of a man in a divorce, is something which lawyers get paid a fortune to do and, although a "slam dunk" for women under modern divorce law, should never be attempted by amateurs.
**No, not naive nor divorced without an attorney nor tried to take my ex's life savings (that's a complete joke considering that I made more money for a lot of the marriage while being responsible for the kids & house) yet I walked away with no equity (gave him the full-furnished house without a fight), no cash money, the car with the negative equity. Again you must not remember the conversation you and I had in regards to my particular case.
As far as some of the supposedly child-abusive behaviour you described is concerned, there are three schools of thought about the most productive way to handle impudent, disrespectful behaviour by children toward their father. The "modern", liberal approach is to threaten a "time out". This may have some success if the parent has enough self-discipline to adhere to whatever this implies to the child, including loss of certain privileges. Unfortunately this method, of course, requires that the child be in the custody of the offended parent at all times--hardly the true scenario for a divorced man who seldom gets to see his child, is it? The other two approaches involve either a reasoned, methodical form of physical punishment --such as "spanking"--which would no doubt be amplified by the child in the retelling, while his own culpability is diminished. This really leaves only the type of frustrated, "at the end of his rope" behaviour you described, as the only viable alternative to allowing the child to behave in any way he may wish.
**Supposed child abuse, I guess you don't think smacking a kid upside the head, holding one up by their throat and calling them degrading names is abuse? This isn't spanking. So now your saying that kids are liars too. No child deserves to be abused regardless of their behavior. Interesting to think that my son who was playing with his dad's head phones deserved to be smacked in the head, and that my daughter who couldn't move fast enough to get her shoes on deserved to be dragged through the house. I'd love to hear what behavior by a 6 year old makes being called a little b!tch warranted, a shithead, a ratfink or a dipshit...we are not talking about disrespectful kids, we are talking about a father who thinks that as long as he hasn't laid the kids out with his fists then whatever else he does is just fine. I'm not lumping all non-custodial fathers into one category as you do with all women, cause most men would not treat their children this way. So the little comment you made about how a man who doesn't have full-time with their children are doing (oh and justifibly so) this is false...first my ex did a lot of this when we were married which is part of the reason we got divorced but also as I said before the majority of non-custodial fathers Do NOT abuse their kids. Can't blame women (or children) for this one. Why am I not surprised to hear that you think abuse of a child is justified...
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**4 weeks to go**
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3116
Loc: Florida
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[quote]You two, meaning Jbar and Mistake, cra ck me up. I agree with some of the points Jbar makes from time to time, ie the system is blatenly pro-woman in divorce, but for the most part what could be an open and enlightening discussion instead becomes a name calling 3rd grade playground fight. [/quote]
The problem with agreeing on one point with JBAR is that he then assumes that you agree with ALL he has to spew.
I don't think that divorce laws are pro-woman in property (aren't they ALL 50/50?) but I do believe that they are pro-woman in custody. I think a lot of states are catching on to the 50/50 in regards to custody arrangements.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 977
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===========================================================
The problem with agreeing on one point with JBAR is that he then assumes that you agree with ALL he has to spew.
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You apparently assume that one-half of everything someone has should belong to his spouse, and based upon only ONE CLEARLY KNOWN FACT, the fact that he got married. Why should I then not assume that a person agrees with everything I have said, if their agreement with even ONE THING I have said is a CLEARLY KNOWN FACT, by virtue of their having admitted so? At least, in the case of points I have made with which you don't agree, I have made an argument; in the case of this 50-50 split you speak of, no argument in favor of it is necessary to be made, as such a split is REQUIRED BY LAW (at least in "community property" states and, in all likelihood, in others as well). This is comparable to, and as ridiculous and arbitrary, as your being required--by law--to believe everything I say, if you believe ANYTHING I say.
Merely having a vague document saying that you are "married", and which contains a few "promises" which are already nullified by (no-fault divorce) law as soon as they are made, is no excuse for stealing one-half of everything a person has. This works against the man in ninety percent of cases, but is no less outrageous when it works against the woman. Any country which smugly and arrogantly implements such legalized theft against its people deserves the Wrath of God.
"Keep everything as simple as possible--and no more simple"
...A. Einstein
Edited by jbar (05/17/08 06:30 PM)
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1855
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[quote] You apparently assume that one-half of everything someone has should belong to his spouse, and based upon only ONE CLEARLY KNOWN FACT, the fact that he got married.
...This works against the man in ninety percent of cases, but is no less outrageous when it works against the woman. [/quote]
When you get married, it's for better or worse. What's yours becomes theirs, what's theirs becomes yours. In almost all cases, one person probably contributes more than the other. I contributed 90% more than my husband.
But I'm not making a lifetime of bitterness out of it. Oddly enough, after 16 years of marriage, I guess he should walk away with half, even if it was almost all of my making and paying. I gave the commitment upfront that it was for richer or poorer. Sadly, it's just turned out that's it's for a lot poorer. But I've accepted it and have chosen to try and rebuild what I've lost. Or at least work towards a good lifestyle for myself and my children.
What I don't understand is why you've chosen the path you have for yourself, where you will make yourself truly demented...over money.
Is it worth losing the joy of living over, or have you always been this way? (In which case that it explains why your ex-wife was content to take you to the cleaners.)
Edited by malone (05/17/08 09:39 PM)
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
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