gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5042
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Marriage may not be a business, but it's a huge financial commitment and worth being clear about up front.
Also, nothing is ever 100%. If you wait till you're 100% on ANYTHING, you'll never get anything accomplished in this life. No one is ever 100% ready for marriage, 100% ready for kids. And if they think they are, they're kidding themselves or totally unaware of what they're getting themselves into!
My stepkids believe they're 100% ready to take on adult decisions such as sex, partying all night, choices on college and sports and whether or not to do homework. THier mother encourages them to be 100% making their own decisions and refuses ot exert her discipline as a mother. As a result, these 14 & 16 year old kids are failing in school because they forget thier homework, staying out all night, exhausted all day, and clearly going to get into trouble sooner or later (and my husband can't convince them that it's not wise to let them jsut be this unsupervised on a regular basis).
They think they're 100% ready to make these decisions becuase they have no idea of the consequences of the decisions. They dont' have the background or life experience to have a clue of the consequences of their decisions.
If you ever think you're 100% on something, be afraid... be VERY afraid... you're probably missing some vital information, like my stepkids are missing vital information on the consequences of their decisions.
I say it's much better to have your eyes open and financial expectations clear before you walk into a marriage, to acknowledge that it's not always 100% and may from time to time require discussion, compromise, etc. A prenup provides clearity to this.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3212
Loc: Florida
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Hubby never asked for a pre-nup, although I did suggest at one point that he go ahead and have one drawn up.
I am glad that he chose not to simply because I feel we have more of a partnership that's not defined by what is his and what is mine.
I would have signed one that had been clearly spelled out in terms of not just what's his is his and mine is mine but how to determine the responsibility that we have towards keeping things that way or some type of fair reimbursement for helping the other further their investment and also covering the kids.
The other legality is covered by our wills and life insurance policies. I have 3 children with two ex's and will soon have 2 children with hubby. If something happens to just me, the children will all go live with their dads...if something happens to both me and my hubby then I have 2 children that would be orphans and thus need more $$ to be raised to age 18 then the 3 that have fathers that will support them.
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1294
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No, I did not do a prenup when I remarried. My Mom wanted me to. I told her why marry if you think the person is going to screw you over?
We did a Living Trust. If I die before my husband, all assets are his until he dies, then any remaining assets would be divided between his daughter and my 3 children.
We aren't rich, but we have a nice home and live comfortably. If in the end there is nothing left, I really am fine with that. Neither of us feel that our duty is to insure that our children win the death lottery. If they end up with some money it means we ran out of time to spend it and they are welcome to it.
We gave our children great foundations to build their own lives and financial well being from. We got to where we are by our own hard and dedicated work. We feel our adult children are capable of doing that also.
The only way this marriage will end is when one of us dies. Something about being in your mid 50's when you remarry and knowing what you want and what it takes to have a loving and successful marriage.
I personally will not marry again. It wouldn't be fair to the next man to be constantly compared to "heaven on earth."
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2256
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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yes.
the emotions that go along with divorce are bad enough.
throw in the $$ and property and custody aspects.
it's really jsut too MUCH!
Plus the time and $$ involved in a long drawn out divorce.
THAT i dont wwant to go through ever EVER again.
but right now i might be a bit jaded.
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taryn.
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