aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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As most of you know, I have a friendly relationship with the STBX. Not a FWB relationship, but we get along very well.
Last night, I went to her house to help her setup her wireless internet connection. I was coming back from jujitsu, so it was around 10 pm. She was laying in the bed with the boys in their room, asleep. I go to use her restroom and spot a birth control container on the counter.
Ok, here's the part that's confusing me...
I'm not upset about it. In fact, I kind of had a feeling she was having sex with someone else by now. She checked out of the relationship well before me. So, she's likely ready to have that kind of intimacy, whereas I'm not yet.
But, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't even care if she's having sex. I'm not sad about it. I'm completely indifferent. But I can't help but see that pill case in my head.
Maybe I just need to write about it. I don't want to tell anyone about it, because that might put her in a bad light.
Thoughts? Am I really more upset about this than I'm allowing myself to feel?
Or am I cured? :)
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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No man, it's hard to be cast aside and it's hard to think we have possibly been replaced altogether. I remember days like this and it's just "odd".
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2615
Loc: Wisconsin
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I almost kind of wish my X wife WOULD get involved with somebody else. That would kind of "take the problem off my hands" and be the final release for ME to get on with my life.
Five plus months past divorce.
One date.
No real "action" yet.
:-(
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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It's great that your dealing with the aspect of your wife having sex with someone else. Perhaps she is taking them to regulate a female problem. Perhaps she could be a little more discreet and put them away. Is there a reason why she may want you in particular to see it?
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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I guess people are different but birth control pills aren’t something I would leave lying on the counter especially when there are kids about. Perhaps she forgot to put them away? Or if you are a regular user of her restroom maybe she wanted you to see them for whatever reasons????
If I were you I’d start using the hallway restroom from now on…it will help better with the recovery period 'just in case' you are not yet completely cured ;)
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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tookway2much..you took the words right out of my mouth:)
Edited by movingon2 (05/16/08 11:50 AM)
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Did she want the divorce? Why are you allowing her to still be your problem? At what point are you going to say "enough is enough". You deserve happiness to. Search harder for it/
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 530
Loc: Texas
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I don't think it was necessarily put there for me to see. She's not spiteful or vindictive. I think it was more of an oversight on her part. She put the kids to bed, and laid down with them and fell asleep.
I would of used the hall bathroom, but it's right next to the kid's room and I didn't want to wake anyone up. Also, I was already in her room, since that's where her wireless router was. Not making excuses, this is just the way things are setup. I honestly don't go looking for stuff.
And yes, she wanted the divorce. I didn't. But, that's not stopped me from wanting to remain friends with her. I can't help that, she's been my best friend for 15 years, and I don't want to throw that away simply because I can't remain married. I truly want her to be happy. I'm still adjusting to the not being married part. I don't feel like she's my problem. I'm not feeling like I need to be the hero on the white horse either. She needed some help, so I helped her out.
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Motor-Head
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 594
Loc: 10,000 RPM
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Looks like the consperisest Are out in full force on the planning of the pills.
As far as the thought in the head Of course it should make you think/kind of buther you a bit but as HK said it will help give closure. Kind of seals the deal that she is gone.
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malone
Platinum
Reged: 12/30/07
Posts: 1865
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I would be surprised if you DID'NT think about it.
Birth control pills are a symbol of everything in your marriage - a relationship, sex and children.
So I would guess that they gave you a big reminder of your lost future together. Especially as now they are a symbol of something else - and that's someone else.
I think you will be okay - it's kind of a last adjustment to make. Adjusting to someone else sleeping with you ex is still a big thing.
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