nucleus
Bronze
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 38
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ok i am going to attempt to post here for some support, please if you are here to judge, or give me a hard time, please just please don't bother replying. i don't know how much more i can take.
some of you may know that there was a temporary stipulation of 50/50 visitation without prejudice signed last week drawn up between the 2 attorneys stating the following:
stbx would have child monday's and tuesday's and every other weekend friday saturday sunday. i would have child wednesday and thursday and every other weekend. child will be dropped off everyday at school and will be picked up at close of business. it took effect this past weekend mother's day weekend. the 1st weekend was with him, and i called my attorney and stated fine he can have the weekend, but i want mother's day. stbx attorney told him that i have the whole weekend. my paperwork states stbx had the weekend. it was a mess, b/c i didn't get the message until after 5pm that i actually had the weekend, child was already picked up by father. so instead of father being a stand up guy and calling me he takes child even though it was my weekend. i did get to see him mother's day.
so i found out that friday i would have to go out of town for 1 over night for training at work. i asked stbx if he wouldn't mind just for this week if i could take monday and tues. and he take wed thurs since i will be out of town those days. he refused. then i get a phone call from daycare that child was never dropped off on tues. by stbx. we didn't know where child was at this point. my attorney got a hold of stbx attorney the next day and stbx did not have a good excuse as to why child was not in daycare. needless to say i found out that since last weekend was technically my weekend i lost it and stbx gets child this weekend as well. i won't see my child until next wed.
i just can't believe that my 3 year old little boy has to be away from his mama for so long. stbx won't budge and work with me, he just takes all that he can get and more. he is still not working and hasn't contributed anything to son since feb.
my attorney said to relax and try and get thru it, it is just temporary he will never have 50/50. i am just trying to leave it up to god, and have faith and trust in him that when this is all said and done i will have my little boy and i can move past all this and on with my life. i miss him so much, it breaks my heart. i feel so defeated, i keep doing to cooperative thing, the responsible thing, and the deadbeat dad keeps getting chance after chance. i just want my primary custody and to move on. i am not expecting any child support he will forever be in the arrears. i just want my baby.
this is a man that has asked for primary custody, rehabilitative alimony, and for me to pay his attorney fees, but he won't work or contribute to child. and he has a drug and alcohol problem. i just don't know where to get anymore strength to get thru this.
everyone says, don't worry you live in florida under the circumstances you will get custody. i just don't know....
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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You said:
my attorney said to relax and try and get thru it, it is just temporary he will never have 50/50.
My response:
Your stbx already has 50/50 custody. That's going to be hard to change.
Start documenting all of the times that he doesn't follow the court order (and if a judge signed off on it, it is a court order) and how he won't work with you when you need to switch. That will show that he really doesn't want to co-parent. And it just may help to reverse the 50/50 custody. Because right now, that is going to be hard to change.
By signing that agreement, you established that you are okay with him having 50/50 custody.
And you aren't going to be able to use his drug and alcohol problem as you knew about them when you signed the agreement.
I am sorry that you are going through this, but you do have a lousy attorney. Have you considered consulting with another one?
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1491
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I know how you feel. The system does not reward cooperative but they will punish non-cooperative. The reality is that if you can't make the times given - then the other parent is within their rights to not make a change. If you can ask your company to bear with you while this is happening, I would do it. Equally, you had a right to set up care for your son so that at least he would be with your family or friends. If your ex wants to be a stickler for the agreement and it does not have first right of refusal....you had no obligation to leave them with each other.
Believe it or not - following the agreement to the letter helps you. If he is truly an addict - he will not be able to follow this for any period of time. Inherently, they do not like rules.
Breathe. Go on your trip and when you get back, make sure you are ready emotionally for Wed. Your child can't feel that you are not ok when they are not with you as hard as that is.
But, document all of this. Document the day care and everything. The one good thing about an addict - they are going to screw up. They cannot carry this through at any level. It will take years off your life until you are done, but you will get through it.
It sounds like your lawyer is proactive. Here is a crap reality - you married an addict. He is not going to change and you are always going to bear the brunt of that to protect your child. But, when you get through, you will learn to set up some boundaries that will help you. I have been where you are. It is a dark place, but I promise, long term, this fight will be worth it and the 3-4 days will not be anything more than a few days in a lifetime. It is hard to see that when you are swallowed whole by the chaos your ex creates, but if you can get some distance, you will be able to see it.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3066
Loc: Florida
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Jersey, what did the court end up doing in regards to your ex not complying with the visitation orders when he had your kids out of state longer than the court order allowed?
Not meaning to hijack...poster, how do you feel about the advice you've gotten from your attorney? Do you think the attorney listens and advises you based upon the law? I think its sometimes hard to understand why an attorney is advising you in a certain way, and if their not willing to explain then maybe you should look for another.
As far as 50/50...Jersey's right in respect to an addict not being able to keep it up and with proper documentation you can get it changed, but Jada is correct in saying that it's setting a precedent by signing an agreement in the first place. Document...
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nucleus
Bronze
Reged: 04/02/08
Posts: 38
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well i already covered setting the precedice topic, and since i did not come up with the agreement, the attorney's did, i am not responsible for that according to my attorney. a judge did not sign off on it, it can't be used to determine final visitation or custody. that is why it says without prejudgice on it. yes he is a true addict to the core, manipulative, passive aggressive, and narcisitic. but i think once i feel like i can get myself under control and get thru the divorce i will be able to set some healthy boundaries with from here on out. yes i have everything documented since we seperated and he is really digging his own hole, i just have to stay patient and strong....thanks for your advise..
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1491
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Thirteen counts of contempt filed in March, trial in July.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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[quote]well i already covered setting the precedice topic, and since i did not come up with the agreement, the attorney's did, i am not responsible for that according to my attorney. a judge did not sign off on it, it can't be used to determine final visitation or custody. that is why it says without prejudgice on it. yes he is a true addict to the core, manipulative, passive aggressive, and narcisitic. but i think once i feel like i can get myself under control and get thru the divorce i will be able to set some healthy boundaries with from here on out. yes i have everything documented since we seperated and he is really digging his own hole, i just have to stay patient and strong....thanks for your advise.. [/quote]
Your attorney represents you. It's not something that the attorney pulled out of thin air and decided to do without your consent.
You had a choice to sign the document or not, you chose to sign the document, you are setting a status quo. BTW, all his attorney has to do is present the signed document to the judge for the judge to sign off on it, even if it says temporary. You are going to have a hard time changing what you agreed to, especially if he manages to follow the agreement.
Document everything and be prepared for the worst.
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