Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 165
Loc: NJ
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Yes, I am feeling so much better - you have no idea how much this has helped me. I plan on wearing a new outfit for work (since I have to go there after court) and I do look good in it. To him its not a big deal if he does not pay me. But he always has money to go out, drink, etc.
We have been seperated for over a year - my family and friends say I have been way too nice for way too long. We agreed on a dollar amount for support when we seperated but, after losing out on over $3,000 I decided to file for support.
For the majority of the time he sees the girls for about 2 hours during the week and every other weekend. Most of the time I am picking them up early on his weekends because he can't deal. Most people say to just tell him tough shit, but why make my girls suffer? I just can't do that.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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[quote]I did complete the sheet(at least I think I did!) Also had to show proof of income when I completed all the paperwork.
Thanks for the tip about day care, and I never even thought about summer camp for when they do go to school full time.
I have been on the NJ child support web site and there is a calculator, so I am pretty sure what the support number will be. On the site they ask for the day care cost so I assume that is factored into the amount. But who knows.
Two girls - 3&5. [/quote]
I'm from NJ and it is factored into the child support. And those website calculators were over by a few hundred dollars, so I wouldn't go by them. Ask your attorney to calculate what the child support would be per the guidelines.
Another thing about the childcare costs, they are net of the tax benefit to you. You need to make sure that what they come up with as the tax benefit is actually what the tax benefit is. Childcare is capped at $3,000 per child. Since you have 2, that's $6,000. And then you only get to deduct a percentage of that.
And you need to come up with the whole year's cost of child care (this was an issue for me since I had one in school full-time and one in daycare full-time) and get the weekly amount by dividing the yearly amount by 52. Be sure to include any extra daycare (such as spring break and miscellaneous school days off) that you may need to pay. How I did this was I took what I paid weekly and divided by 5 to get the daily amount (which is what I pay the babysitter now) and then multiplied it by the number of days off of school where I wasn't off. And then I took 3 days off just in case they weren't used. I wasn't that far off (I ended up paying more than what was added onto child support, but not much). With a 5 year old, if you aren't already, you are dealing with a child who is in school (either half day or full-day), so daycare isn't as much. Except in the summer.
NJ allows modification every 3 years. And if there is a significant change in circumstances.
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Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 165
Loc: NJ
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Well I'm back - we did not come to an agreement and will have to go in front of the judge next month.
I agreeded to a lower support amount, and that I would let him know who was babysitting our girls if he could not watch them.
However I was not going to agree to keep my girls away from the women that took care of them for four years. He wanted the visits to be supervised and did not want her watching the girls at all. I said I would not agree to that.
At that point he gets up and says Im not signing anything, we're going to court.
So he just screwed himself out of $400 a month.
And I never got to bring up the fact that he has not installed car seats in his car.
Ugh.
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ssrachel
Platinum
Reged: 05/23/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: bottom of a pit
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sorry things didn't get settled today.
stick to your guns next month. and don't back off of what the guidelines say. you have him the opportunity for a lesser amount.
is he using any car seats for the girls? does he still have the car that seats won't fit in? i'd be having a royal fit if my girls weren't properly secured in car/booster seats.
remember...he's not the man you were married to. they change, actually we all change, but i'm seeing the divorce brings out the worst in some people.
--------------------
Live well. It is the greatest revenge.
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Spacer62
Gold
Reged: 11/13/06
Posts: 165
Loc: NJ
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I hate this, I hate all of this. I just want the man that I married back in my life. Then I wake up and realize that will never happen.
He has now called several times to see if he agrees to the girls seeing the old babysitter will I still agree to the lower amount. He wants to go back to mediation, but that is impossible now.
I HATE IT. And this is just the beginning. So many more tears to come....
And Kat - he has car seats just won't put them in the car.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3190
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He called because his attorney probably told him that he was stupid to have walked out over something that he would lose in court. Especially when you were giving up more than him.
Seriously, raising kids in NJ is expensive. Don't settle for less than guidelines.
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FriendlyShldrs
Bronze
Reged: 05/06/07
Posts: 30
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[quote]...
Two girls, make sure you go for the gusto. l6 year olds don't shop at walmart or Target..bathing suits alone can be $50 and up!!!! And jeans and shoes...crazy! Good luck tomorrow and don't let him bully you! What is your current visitation plan and how long has that been going on? [/quote]
And that's why guys get so upset and make the cracks about ex-wifes always seeing an atm when they look at them. 16 year-old girls shop wherever mom can afford to shop and if they don't like it, they find a job to pay for it themselves.
Ask for what you need for the next few years. Figure out the increased costs when the time comes. If you play it fair with him, he might be easier to deal with as they grow up. Act like he's worth nothing more than money and watch how fast he disappears.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3057
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Your STBX is a control freak. You know that already! How did you lose $3000?
Anyway, you have a long haul ahead of you..that's why I said go for the gusto. Who knows gas may be $10 dollars a gallon by the time they are 16. It's a lot harder to get more child support later, so do what you can now and don't go lower! What were you thinking!!!!!!
As far as a 16 year old getting a job, not really a good idea. For what they get paid it would barely pay for the gas to get there and back. Or do they need to buy their own car and gas?
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