HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2615
Loc: Wisconsin
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I agree with Rob.
My X wife and I were best friends that got married. We were married for 15 years, most of which were pretty damn fun. I'm fairly certain that she feels the same way as I do, we enriched each other's lives in many ways, but things just kind of fell apart at the end for a variety of reasons.
I have no romantic interests in my life at the moment. I'm not sure I really want any. So far this month I have gotten together with my X a number of times, helping her move, going out to dinner, just going for a drive in the country. It's nice to have a friend to share a meal and a good laugh with. We had a good laugh yesterday when I slopped my bourbon-glazed pork chop all over my shirt. LOL.
I agree with Rob that life's too short. You could choke to death on a pea at your next meal. I have no time for nor interest in dragging around a bunch of anger and animosity toward my X.
Background: married 15 years, no kids, no infidelity, abuse, etc.
I'm sure that makes a HUGE difference in the ability to remain friends.
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WhatNext
Gold
Reged: 10/11/06
Posts: 198
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[quote]I agree with Rob.
My X wife and I were best friends that got married. We were married for 15 years, most of which were pretty damn fun. I'm fairly certain that she feels the same way as I do, we enriched each other's lives in many ways, but things just kind of fell apart at the end for a variety of reasons.
I have no romantic interests in my life at the moment. I'm not sure I really want any. So far this month I have gotten together with my X a number of times, helping her move, going out to dinner, just going for a drive in the country. It's nice to have a friend to share a meal and a good laugh with. We had a good laugh yesterday when I slopped my bourbon-glazed pork chop all over my shirt. LOL.
I agree with Rob that life's too short. You could choke to death on a pea at your next meal. I have no time for nor interest in dragging around a bunch of anger and animosity toward my X.
Background: married 15 years, no kids, no infidelity, abuse, etc.
I'm sure that makes a HUGE difference in the ability to remain friends. [/quote]
Who wanted the divorce you or her?
Is she dating anyone new?
If she was would you still want to hang with her?
To be friends that hang out the answer is NO, but I would like things to remain civil. If I see her in the supermarket I don't want to have to avoid her and go down another aisle
I would rather just be able to say hello make some small talk and leave.
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SetterMama
Platinum
Reged: 02/24/07
Posts: 808
Loc: Toronto, Ontario
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Not being friends doesn't mean that you have to hate her/him or feel any animosity towards them. No need to waste any energy. Getting to a point where you feel truly indifferent about them is the goal for me.
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He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. ~ Lau Tzu
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happy2bme
Platinum
Reged: 03/28/08
Posts: 219
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
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[quote]Not being friends doesn't mean that you have to hate her/him or feel any animosity towards them. No need to waste any energy. Getting to a point where you feel truly indifferent about them is the goal for me. [/quote]
Agreed. In a perfect world we would all be best friends... oh no wait! In a perfect world there wouldn't be things like infidelity and divorce.
There's a big difference between indifference and wishing someone ill. Indifference is definitely the way for me to go.
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No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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Good luck with taht friendship thingy. Let me know how it turns out.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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PinkRose
Platinum
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1754
Loc: Not sure!!!
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I think it is good to have indifference but are you
are really friends with people that you have an
indifference feeling? I treasure my friends. I consider
someone that I feel indifferent about as an aquaintance.
I guess I still have some bad feelings.
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I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
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mrpat
Platinum
Reged: 09/12/07
Posts: 2618
Loc: Michigan
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No friends don't let friends do this kind of thing. Again good luck but I'm with Pink..........If you ain't acting like a friend than who cares. My ex will never be my friend ,she is however still a burden.
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People don't care how much you know.........until they know how much you care.
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HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2615
Loc: Wisconsin
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"Who wanted the divorce you or her?"
Honestly, it was pretty much mutual.
"Is she dating anyone new?"
Not that I am aware of.
"If she was would you still want to hang with her?"
Probably not. It would be at that point that I would vanish off the face of the earth.
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 823
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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[quote]I would NEVER be friends with my stbx. You just don't treat your friends the way he treated me. The emotional abuse, lies, and deceipt are just a few of the many reasons why I would never be his friend. And, I'm with you PinkRose. His emotional abuse at the end of our marriage has forever changed the very way I look at the world and people in general. Friends should be in your life to support you, to help make you a better person and you for them. I can't be friends with somebody who beat me down and destroyed the very thing that I held most dear in my life. He doesn't deserve my friendship. In response to your question, I guess it would all depend on how YOUR marriage ended. If it was mutual and there was no cheating or abuse in any way, then maybe I can see where you guys can be friends. But, if there was any type of emotional abuse or cheating, I just can't see how being friends would be a possiblity. [/quote]
What Books said!!!!!
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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WhatNext
Gold
Reged: 10/11/06
Posts: 198
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[quote]"Who wanted the divorce you or her?"
Honestly, it was pretty much mutual.
"Is she dating anyone new?"
Not that I am aware of.
"If she was would you still want to hang with her?"
Probably not. It would be at that point that I would vanish off the face of the earth. [/quote]
So then it is just a matter of time until you stop being "friends" that hang out together.
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