Divorce Support Forums: He will not visit the kids - and they ask for him.

Divorce Support Forums: He will not visit the kids - and they ask for him.

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TammyC
New

Reged: 05/19/08
Posts: 6

He will not visit the kids - and they ask for him.
#205776 - 05/19/08 08:54 AM (216.173.170.178)

My soon to be ex and I are bouncing back and forth with legal paperwork - he has a lifetime of drug and alcohol abuse - and detox, rehab and then more drugs - we have twin two year old girls and he requests 50/50 to avoid child support! Then he throws out a rag wanting emergency visitation stating I am keeping him from the girls....it has not taken much effort on my part. He saw them two weeks after he left and showed up drunk and angry - then two weeks later he calls to find out when it is convenient for me for him to pick them up from daycare.....I said no. And that is the extent of his attempts....no calls, no support, no concern. How do I move past the fact that he obviously doesn't really want to see them or take any responsibility for them? I know his mother pushes him - and she won't even break down and call and ask about them -if I had even once done anything but tried to help him I would feel like I owe them....but he owes us after everthing we sacrificed for him. Also...he has twin boys that he does not miss seeing- he doesn't pay child support and has them 50/50- I see a pattern....meanwhile I have toddlers ripping my blinds down everytime a loud vehichle goes by - asking where their brothers and daddy are? Everything I read says be honest....they do not understand he is gone - they just know he is not there...what do I do? I can't trust him not to be high or drunk around them...how do I make this go smoother for them?

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germangirl631
Platinum

Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 851
Loc: NJ

Re: He will not visit the kids - and they ask for [Re: TammyC]
#205787 - 05/19/08 09:34 AM (63.127.202.141)

Well, he did ask if he could pick them up and you said no. How many times would he need to ask and be told no before he gave up trying?

How does he do with his twin boys? If they seem OK with him, why wouldn't you let him see his girls? I guess we need more information.

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TammyC
New

Reged: 05/19/08
Posts: 6

Re: He will not visit the kids - and they ask for [Re: germangirl631]
#205796 - 05/19/08 10:02 AM (216.173.170.178)

He abused drugs around the boys forever before anyone figured out he was an addict-I made him tell his mother when my girls were two months old. Their mother knew and spoke up after his mother filed for a marchman act order to have him detoxed, then she shared that he had been abusing drugs eleven years ago when they lived together. Their mother is just as bad as he is and is not about to lose her week off just because he might be drunk and driving. Or that he might have them at some drug dealers house because her daughter does drugs with her friends in front of them - so no big deal to her. Very big deal to me...his mistake was telling me all of this...I told him while I was pregnant that I would not put up with it and I was not the same type of person the boy's mother was....my mistake was marrying him in the very religious based rehab he attended for 11 months and believing a drug addict could ever change...I should have waited until he came home because I could have never forseen him doing drugs the one time they let him have a little freedom and not completing the program - I could have saved myself this headache.

And I can not believe any man who beat his wife up again the day he left the house and his daughters would ever be held up with one "no" - if he had my kids I would be calling, and trying to see my kids no matter what...he is too busy getting high to care - they are not his focus because he knows I have them and will take care of them. He doesn't think the boys mother will - because she never has before. That is the difference...my concern is my children...why should I make his problems a priority in my life when he has made my children an option in his.

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chatter box
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Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1186

Re: He will not visit the kids - and they ask for [Re: TammyC]
#205802 - 05/19/08 10:24 AM (66.180.116.13)

I'm no expert and I'm just going to give my 2 cents. He's got a problem and knows it. He knows that in order to see his kids (yours) he would have to face his problem. Avoiding you avoids his problem and keeps the statis quoe. I would ask for supervised visitation. Maybe some how you should let him know that if he resolves his drinking and drugs he will get more visitation.

Your x has a disease and like any disease you wouldn't let your kids around someone that was to ill do cope with the kids or put them at risk. You do not have to tell them what he has but that he is sick and they will have to wait until he gets better.

You need to get court oders in place to protect the kids as soon as possible or you could yourself get in trouble for witholding visits.

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