rdpotter
Silver
Reged: 02/01/06
Posts: 97
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Ladies on this site, or gentlemen if you would like to comment:
It has been eons since I have been on the dating scene. What are the rules ? So far, I can see, is that guys say a lot of things they don't necessarily mean and you would be a fool to take anything seriously. I find that kind of sad. I don't play games and I almost always say what I mean. The result is that I'm getting slaughtered in the dating arena. Any help and advice would be appreciated from someone who has done this for a bit. HOw does one go through this emotional minefield or do you have to approach it with your head only ? God, I don't know how people do it. It drains me and I don't think my skin can get tough enough fast enough. The last rejection really smarted because I just didn't see it coming. Nothing in our conversation hinted at that. And I don't mean on-line dating. I just can't do that right now. I mean just people you meet randomly and really hit it off. Do you just learn how to do this like any other life skill or are there ways to make this easier ? sometimes I would rather sit home, watch TV than go out with face the dating hazards. I know there are nice guys out there. I've met them. Of course, most of them are already attached but it's comforting to know they exist. I never go out with the intention of looking but sometimes you meet someone and there's lots of chemistry so if someone can help me out, I would really appreciate it.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I hear you. It seems like women want a guy to be honest and be himself, but when you do that, they act like you aren't exciting enough. It's like they say one thing and do another......wait, women would never do that. :-)
But seriously, I don't think women (or men) really give each other enough time to really know each other. Even online. You read a profile and think you know everything about the person and have decided already whether to contact them or not.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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if it's fun and casual it seems to last a bit longer.
there has to be chemistry too of course.
i think a lot of people get turned off by hearing too much
'drama' or 'ick' during dating.
i REALLY kept things light as possible.
and i found i appreciated the same.
it wasnt until dating someone for a while that bits of the 'real' stuff comes out.
the other think i noticed is boredom!
lots and LOTS of boredom is part of dating.
LOL. i asked questions and showed interest in stuff that made me want to grit my teeth i was so bored 
i dont think there are dating rules,
there is just dating....drama, boredom, dumping, dumped, and SOME fun thrown in the mix until you hit it off with someone.
hang in there.
OR
take a break from it all.
that's what ive done and believe me
once i get back out there the first few times WILL be
a disaster because im so totally out of practice.
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taryn.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Maybe I should offer myself up as a practice date. You know, I could take you ladies out and this way you could see what dating is like again. :-)
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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rdpotter
Silver
Reged: 02/01/06
Posts: 97
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you're funny mfergel. You're on if you're ever in Canada. We can check out the polar bears. haha I noticed you said "ladies". Casting a wide net aren't you ?
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ATVILLAS
Platinum
Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 2331
Loc: West Palm Beach FL
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rdpotter
What part of Canada. I lived in the Ottawa area for many years.
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Help someone smile today!!!
Welcome to paradise!!!
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Quote:
Maybe I should offer myself up as a practice date. You know, I could take you ladies out and this way you could see what dating is like again. :-)
that could work,
but i have to tell you
mfergel...once i get my mojo back...i might make you CRY! LOL
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taryn.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Quote:
Quote:
Maybe I should offer myself up as a practice date. You know, I could take you ladies out and this way you could see what dating is like again. :-)
that could work,
but i have to tell you
mfergel...once i get my mojo back...i might make you CRY! LOL
Bring it on. Let's see what you got. :-)
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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[quoteBring it on. Let's see what you got. :-)
damm it!
im STILL in my 'no dating' phase and i cant break out of it.
give me a few more weeks.
junish.
then we can go on a few practice dates to get my mojo back.
then...yes....you might just cry....
have a nice night mfergel!
it's good to see you able to joke around,
even for a second!
every day, minute and second is one step closer
to healing and feeling better.
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taryn.
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is it over
Platinum
Reged: 11/19/06
Posts: 331
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First.. figure out what you want. If you want sex or just fun.. admit that to yourself.. and then you don't have to waste time worrying about whether he pays his bills on time, and you can focus on whether he will suck your toes or not.. LOL. KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
People in general appreciate honesty, but like Taryn said, that doesnt mean they need your life story (thats what we are here for). If u think u are ready for something serious, don't fall too fast. Take your time. If its meant to be, it will come. You don't have to rush it. Its really not that bad being alone.
Oh.. some of us ladies get lonely.. and we are flattered when a decent guy asks us out. But instead of worrying if he likes you.... take the time to figure out if you like him. Don't go to drag races just to please someone. I promise you.. its not worth it. Don't start out by compromising.. because he doesnt know you are, and he will think you like drag races or go carting. Be true to yourself. If you want a mate.. a partner who is better matched to you than the one that landed you here, find someone who you genuinely have a good time with.
Uh.. as I write this I am sitting home alone.. lol.
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Kingssman
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Peoria Illinois
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For some reason I have a tendency to get along better with women than I do men. Perhaps its from my upbringing of 4 sisters and 2 female cousins.
I make friends easier with women. It's embarrasing that I invited 8 of them to my wedding and only 4 guys.
Course being a married man I backed away from those friendships (not to make the ole wife jealous).
Now that I'm divorced, I kind of opened myself back up. Not keeping some of those old friends so far out of reach. My online friend and I got little closer as I opened up my personality to her more.
I even encountered an old college friend whom we've been spending some fun time together with, plus practice my dating and flirting skills.
I'm hoping I'll find the one with that special chemistry that we hit off so very well. I haven't done the online dating scene fully yet, but hopefully once I get practice I'll jump into that pool of fish.
Oddly enough, I do picture my next wedding to have groomswomen on my side instead of groomsmen, since lately thats whom i've been connecting again frienship wise.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 635
Loc: Texas
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Rules for dating? How bout some observations and tips instead?
1. If they seem crazy on the phone, it's a good indicator they are crazy in person. Probably not a good idea to invite them to a concert, and then uninvite them once you've met.
2. Telling someone that you are still in love with your wife is a great way of getting yourself out of future dates with that person.
3. Don't be afraid to be nervous. I've found most of my dates are equally as nervous if not more. Just relax and be yourself. That's who they'll eventually get to know anyway.
4. If you have allergies, take your Allegra before meeting someone at the Starbucks patio.
5. Surprisingly, driving a car with a big penguin on the side isn't as embarrassing to your dates as you might think.
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rdpotter
Silver
Reged: 02/01/06
Posts: 97
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I totally agree, Isitover. No, life isn't too bad being on your own. In fact, I am really enjoying it. I was in a committed relationship for 25 years for crying out loud. I can handle some time alone. But out of the blue, sometimes you meet a man that you really like, that makes you feel great and there's lots of chemistry and you realize that it has been so long since a man made you feel special and you get your hopes up. When it comes to relationships, my head seems to shut down and my heart takes over. It's not about the physical with me although I have to be attracted to him. It's so much about personality and the way he treats others. I totally agree, take your time, don't compromise your needs and wants. I feel like a newborn in this game though. It's weird, it feels like when you are going after that job you really want. You have to go through a ton of interviews and get rejected over and over again or you realize it's not right for you and you leave, before you get where you want to go. But over the years, I have learned that a job is just a job. It's hard for me to be as thick-skinned about a man I care about. Sigh, I guess I better learn or as Taryn suggests, take a break. I don't do casual well. I guess that's why when it does happen, it hits me hard.
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rdpotter
Silver
Reged: 02/01/06
Posts: 97
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ha ha aspect. you make me laugh. You're well on your way. Women love funny men. Keep it up Kingsman. Lots of great relationships between men and women start off as friendships. I think it's one of the best ways.
Taryn, you make me laugh too and you're right. It's okay to take a break too. Although I am not sure I can sit there and be bored out of my mind, I might just fall asleep or make some excuse and scadaddle out of there. Nothing does me in faster than a man or woman who likes to talk on and on and isn't interested in what you have to say. This is definitely an activity not for the faint hearted.
Now I know we're all kinda in the same boat.
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Kingssman
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Peoria Illinois
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so far the hardest part I still find after having my heart ripped out and head split open from the divorce is erasing all those past memories with the ex and treating a girl as something new, not comparing with the old.
OH well.
either I can try and have a nice date with a decent girl from a christian dating site or have hot meaningless sex from adultfriendfinder, any cup of booze from the two will hopefully numb the pain.
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