Miss Brooklyn
New
Reged: 05/22/08
Posts: 1
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How can I go about suing my husband's mistress for her part in destroying my marriage. I just found out 4 weeks ago that my husband had been having an affair for 1 1/2 years and may possibly have a child with this woman. We have been married for 6 years and have 3 children. I only found out because a letter from a child support collection agency came in the mail. I don't even think he would have told me if I didn't see the letter. I really don't know what to do. I feel trapped. I just had my third child in Oct 2007. I really need someone to talk too. I can't even tell my family or friends about this. I feel so betrayed and used. He claims he cheated because we were having problems at that time and he didn't know what else to do. I never even knew we were having problems, because he never talked to me about them. He would get mad be silent, then later on get over whatever he was mad about and just have all these mood swings. I did everything I could to be a good wife and mother. Now that I found out about the affair he wants me to stand by his side and act like nothing happened. I wonder if he would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot! Any advice would be appreciated. I live in GA.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1010
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I don't have any good advice for you, but wanted to tell you you're not alone. It's amazing the things spouses can do and think they'll get away with it. I wish I had something more to offer you.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Adultly is not a crime so you won't be able to make anything stick on the mistress. You're anger is probably misdirected. Your husband is the one who needs to answer to you for this.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1007
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"...legislation was enacted to abolish the right (In Georgia) to bring an alienation of affection lawsuit.":
http://marriage.about.com/od/legalities/a/alienation.htm
I guess this means that a person can work all of his life, to scrape a little money together, and his or her spouse can then be stolen by a gold digger who expects to share the wealth of the party who generated it--with the party whom he or she has stolen--after the inevitable divorce. And you can't even sue the thief!
I must remember to add this to my arguments against "community" or "marital" property!
Edited by jbar (05/23/08 01:31 AM)
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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Aleination of Affection suits are costly and hard to win. You would have to prove you had a viable marriage before this person interfered. You would have to prove this person's actions ended your marriage. It is costly to litigate. Contact a lawyer in your area for more information.
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coyefish
New
Reged: 05/24/08
Posts: 7
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look up the law in some states , look up alienation of affection!!! you can sue her
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5049
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Here's the problem: You don't even have a clue if she knew that he was married and not separated or anything else at the time she slept with him. Did he take a DNA test to prove that the child was or was not his?
Now, you don't have hte right to sue a third party for alienation of affection in Georgia any more, but even if you did, you'd have to prove that she knew you were married to him and that her presence in the situation destroyed the marriage. I gather that he returned to you after the affair was over, or else she'd not be suing him for child support, would she? He'd have already been supporting his 4th child.
He's an idiot, by the way, to have unprotected sex with a different woman, already having three children of his own, unless of course he's a millionaire!
But everyone is entitled to a mistake or two in life. His is a doozy, but if you and he are both willing to work on it, you can get past it. He needs to learn, obviously, how to express his feelings rather than simply walking out & having an affair when he's upset about something. And significant counseling will be needed. You have had the ability to completely trust him ripped away ... so it's a question of whether you are able to find a way to resolve this for yourself.
Can you live with a man you can't trust? Can you find a way to trust him enough again to get past this?
Is he a good father? Is he a good provider? Are you employed and able to make it on your own if you decided not to stay with him?
Your next moves in life will depend upon the answers to those questions.
First and foremost: You need to be able to support yourself if that situation arises. So if you're still with him, make a plan. Figure out how you're going to do this if he continues to be a dog sniffing after every butt he sees. Do you need an education? A license? Experience? Figure it out. If you were a stay-at-home mom before, you might not be able to afford it now. You might have to build experience as an employee so that you won't be too far behind if the marriage crumbles. And if he's opposed to that, the fact that he has another whole child to support as a result of his infidelity should certainly convince him that maybe a few more bucks coming into the household would be a better idea than having the luxury of you staying at home and doing the cooking & cleaning & laundry.
To do this, the way your household is organized will have to change. He MUST participate more. This might be just the type of thing that would get him more engaged and more likely to TALK if something is wrong. It's a tough thing for both people to change and accomodate a situation like this, but it can be done. Others have done it.
SECOND: You need to get counseling... both of you. individually and as a couple. To decide whether you want to stick with it, whether you CAN stick with it. How are you going to work out parenting, and how are you going to handle being a stepparent to a new baby as well? He is this child's father, so there is a responsibility to be involved in this child's life. It's awful, but ...
THIRD: you will need to get legal help ... or rather, HE will need legal help... to figure out what to do about the serious problem of him having a child, a child support obligation, and probably wanting to take care of his emotional responsibilities and be a PARENT to this other child... it means spending the next 18 years havign to deal with this woman at transfers of custody. You will have to find a way to get over it for the sake of the child. And if you're lucky, she'll be a decent human being who didn't know he was married at the time and did not engage in a long term affair and does not choose to continue to have a relationship with him but will do so for the sake of the child... if you're not QUITE as lucky, she's a nutcase who he will be embarassed about having been with and the regular contact will just make you look like a saint in comparison and he'll work that much harder never to make this mistake again.
Good luck and let us know how things are going, what choices you make.
But a lawsuit against her ... that's not one of your choices.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5049
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I wanted to add one more thing: An affair is often the REASON for a divorce. It's the MOTIVE for the victim spouse choosing to make it a miserable, nasty divorce. But that's pretty much all it is. From time to time, there are states (and Ga may be one of them if I recall) where you are allowed to claim that he had "fault", being that he committed adultry, and as a result, you deserve more than half of the accumulated property. So if the two of you have accumulated a lot of STUFF... been building a good retirement fund or getting a lot of equity in the house, for example, while having those three babies... well, you may be able to get more than half of the stuff. But if you don't have so much stuff, starting world war three JUST for that is not helpful. It just ends up hurting the kids in the long run becasue you've got to find a way to stay a co-parent with this guy for the next 18 years EVEN IF you divorce him... so getting this angry, starting a war over it... it's useless and even harmful.
The only other thing an affair sometimes does is expose the children to an inappropriate morality. This is very rare because kids don't really understand what sex is (and SHOULD not understand it), and so the issue is whether the presence of this other woman in their lives makes mommy angry, and they get distressed over the anger... and confused at the fact that a new friend (they SHOULD have no understanding of sex and infidelity, so this is JUST a friend, to them)... is making mommy so angry. It's generally not a good thing to let yourself get crazy over it during a divorce unless your kids are being exposed to sleepovers with the new lover ... especially if the sleepovers take place before the divorce. Or if teens (who are just LEARNING the issues of what sex is and the morality of it) are being exposed to improper sexual relationships... overnights are OBVIOUS to them where they are NOT so obvious to pre-teens ... to the little children, an overnight is no different than their own sleepovers with friends in their own back yards, but to a kid who is old enough to ahve had the "sex talk"... a sleepover should be clear, and the parents' choices in what kind of morality to teach the kids will be worth thinking through.
Generally, the ONLY thing an affair does is provide the motive for the marriage to split, the motive for anger, the motive for starting world war three during your divorce. It's not usually a way to get a really good settlement, more money, or any o the things tha tpeople think it'll get them... and even if you DO get more money during the divorce because of the infidelity, the amount of money is NEVER enough to make up for the anger and fighting, the aftermath of world war three... and is SELDOM enough to compensate for the extra lawyer's fees needed to FIGHT world war three during the divorce.
If you choose not to stay with him. Consider going to counseling to figure out how to get past this so that you can find a way to a good relationship as a co-parent, rather than using the affair as an excuse ot start world war three... JUSt understadn that it's your reason for the divorce... and does not need to be a reason to totally trash your lives.
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lonelydee
New
Reged: 05/04/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Georgia
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I just saw this on Dr. Phil about "alientation of affection" which is legal in several states. The lady on t.v. was ordered to pay 50K to the "wife". Of course, she was fighting it because she said it was "his" fault because he never told her he was married (they had a long distance relationship). Also, once she dug around, she found out their marriage was in turmoil/lots of counseling before she even came into the picture. In the state of the "wife" though, all of that previous marital stuff didn't matter in court and she was able to sue the third party. I guess it just matters how much of a fight you want to put up.
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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I can't imagine any sane judge would find for the plantif in a case like this. After all, the cheating spouse is far more to blame than the other woman/man. I doubt very seriously she forced him to have the affair in any way. Your best bet is to try and hit him as hard as you can in the divorce if you live in a "fault" state...
The only people out there that really have any real legal recourse are the ones who's spouses or "other woman/man" happen to be in the military. Adultry is a UCMJ punishable offense, and they do tend to take it pretty seriously. I saw a few people get in quite a bit of trouble over it when I was in the military...
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