mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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Has anyone attempted to do a custody modification on their own with no help of a lawyer? if so, where would one start? can you hire a paralegal to draw up paperwork? what are the rules? any advice would be much appreciated. thank you.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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do you and the other parent agree on a parenting schedule?
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mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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No, at this point it would pretty much be an ambush. He and current spouse are fighting and I spoke to her on the phone. She says they are not doing so well and will probably end up divorced. I know our 13 year old daughter wants to live with me full time. She stated that she doesnt want to stay with her father anymore if her stepmom leaves the home. She has had a horrible relationship with her father for years and we have done counseling for most of those years to try and help their relationship. Her stepmom is the only thing keeping the home sane at this point. We have 50/50 but counselor has said that she thinks child should live with me even before new developements in his home. She feels no progress is made on his part in their relationship. I feel I have a good chance of winning full physical and full legal given all factors. I want to know if it is possible to do it alone successfully. I am a reasonably intelligent person and handled other legal matters in the past on my own with no problems. I have just never handles something this large of a matter where and actual persons fate and living circumstances is concerned. I have heard of lowering legal costs by doing all paperwork yourself and just having an attorney come to court with you to do all the talking. At this point I am just weighing all my options.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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Get an attorney, you can write up what you want but a judge isn't just going to sign off on it if the father doesn't agree to the new parenting plan. You will probably have to go through a custody evaluation, mediation. What you want to do is going to cost a lot of money, take a lot of time and may not change the current parenting plan.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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"I feel I have a good chance of winning full physical and full legal given all factors."
What are the factors? In my state, unless there is severe neglect or abuse (accompanied with police reports and criminal conviction as substanciation), it is difficult to change physical custody, and nearly impossible to change legal custody.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Yeah, unless both parents agree on the modification, you're going to need the help of an attorney. If cost of an attorney is the issue and you have an aptitude for legal thinking, you can potentially keep billing in check by doing the legwork for your attorney. With each step, just ask, "Is this something I can do myself."
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mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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the factors are that her counselor believes that a change in custody is a good idea for the childs benefit and should have limited time with father. Also, fathers brother was just paroled for sodomizing a 16 year old girl and a 7 year old girl. As part of his rehabilitation and "norming" back into society, father has taken it upon himself to have paroled sex offender hang out, watch movies, go to ball games with family, etc. around our child even though it makes her uncomfortable. I put in a call to his parole officer and expressed my concerns, since then contact has been less with minor child. Also, she is a very intelligent child and wishes to live exclusively with me. She is subjected to second hand smoke at dads all the time and has had numerous lung/chest/throat infections over the years. Thanks for all the information, i fully intend on there being a trial. Also, father and stepmom are divorcing, hostile living enviornment. No abuse, but kids know what is going on.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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First of all, who is the counselor that says you should have custody? If not court appointed, what they have to say means nothing. A GAL will be appointed to make a recommendation....and whoever is the better actor often gets custody. You have 50/50 now. In my state, 50/50 is never awarded, but given when both parties agree. In other words, 50/50 from a trial is not a possible outcome. Either you or or him will get custody. Divorce and second hand smoke will carry no weight. If the brother is "eyes on" by your ex or another person, that will also carry little or no weight. You could need deep pockets if your ex fights the custody, and you've got to hire the best, and take it to the end, or you lose.....just a forewarning of what might be to come. Good luck.
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mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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Im in Missouri. Seems as though nothing carries any weight other than full on abuse. Thanks for your imput though.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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Given your child's age, her wishes may be taken into consideration and you would be awarded more parenting time, so it would no longer be 50/50. But joint legal isn't going to change.
Since the uncle is a convicted sex offender, you can get it in the court order that the he cannot be around your child. At all. Especially since his victim was a minor child. Doesn't matter if he's eyes on by another adult. He's a danger to the child.
Secondhand smoke, since you didn't have a problem with it when the parenting time was first established, there's not much you are going to be able to do it now.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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You have a lot going on here. You should be having this discussion with your attorney, not with us. What has bearing in these cases varies with jurisdiction to the extent that advice we give may send you off on the wrong track. Visit a lawyer (or two) and get a relevant assessment of your case.
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mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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Thank You all so very much. I was getting slightly discouraged. The second hand smoke wasnt an issue when we divorced in 1997 but I along with the whole country have become more educated about that since then. Also, prolonged exposure has caused recurrent infections. Proving there is a link though??? not so sure. She protests it and asks her dad and stepmom to please smoke outside now that she is older. The dad simply states that she is not being fair to him, it is his house. I realize the dangers of it and so does she. My point is she is getting older and should have some say over her health too. If they refuse to stop poisoning her with cigarette smoke, she should be able to say I dont want to come over here anymore until you take that outside. I am going to speak with a few attorneys though and see where to go from here. Thanks for all your help, wish me luck!
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1365
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Get a signed letter from her doctor stating that her health is affected by being in an environment where people smoke. This should come from the doctor who has been treating her for the various respiratory infections she has had this past year.
My son had reocurring sinus infections from the time he was 3 yrs on. Afer his 6th sinus infection, his doctor asked if either my husband or I smoked. We both did. He then instructed us not to smoke in either the house or our cars. He in fact stated that we shouldn't even smoke in our cars when he wasn't with us, as the affects from smoke can and do linger in the upholstery.
We certainly didn't mean to affect his health and stopped smoking in both the home and cars immediately. This was early on in regards to how 2nd hand smoke can affect others.
I do believe it can be brought up as an issue. Clearly it is affecting her health, and needs to be addressed.
Good Luck,
Nish
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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"The dad simply states that she is not being fair to him, it is his house."
That is about the most selfish thing I've read here this year. Your ex sucks.
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mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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my thoughts exactly, thats why he is the ex of many other women as well as me. I also appreciate the advice on getting a letter from the doctor. I will contact him, it hadn't yet occurred to me to do this since i have been wrapped up in all of the details as a whole and trying to nail down a plan of action. Thanks so much everyone, you guys are very supportive!
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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Forget about changing legal custody from joint to sole , instead concentrate on changing apportioned parenting time as it's not necessary to show a significant change in circumstances for those purposes . You should be able to seek more time for yourself especially if the court finds the child's wishes compelling .
2007) Change in circumstances need not be substantial for modification of custody to accommodate changes of scheduling parenting time between mother and father. Russell v. Russell, 210 S.W.3d 191 (Mo.banc).
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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mommaselina
New
Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 15
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thank you so much!
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