mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Totally surprising. I've been emailing a girl for about a week. She gave me her phone number a couple of days ago and I gave her a call earlier. She was in the middle of something but we talked for about 30 minutes anyways. Well, she just called back (about 30 minutes after getting off the phone with her) and she wanted to meet up. So, we are going to go walking in the park. Should be fun.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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Kingssman
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Peoria Illinois
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excellent excellent excellent.
Remember, don't read into things, dont let your head wonder, try to be yourself, dont talk about the ex unless asked, enjoy a walk in the park, be a gentleman, and most of all don't be affraid of any outcome. Don't be affraid of getting hurt, don't be affraid of hurting her.
Heck even if the two of you don't have chemistry, as long as it was a good time as well as a learning experience, you can walk away from it knowing that you've become a stronger and better person and discovered more about yourself and how to interact with others. Plus you got to try something new 
lets not forget the cardinal rule that we all learned from our divorce experience. Its better to be painfully honest than to be ignorantly blissfull.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Well, not sure how the date went. We went for a walk in the park. I discovered it's a lot harder to walk in a park with winding trails and talk (and look a person in the eye) than I thought. We we walked for about an hour. She had mentioned that she had to take care of a dog for someone before the date, so the date kind of ended quickly. Seemed kind of awkward at the end, so I'm not sure. Interesting girl. Cuter than I thought she would be. I'd be interested in knowing her better.
Oh well, I'm not going to read to much into anything. If nothing, it doesn't matter. I'd blame it more on not being ready then there being anything wrong with me.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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Good for you M. Call her tomorrow and let her know you enjoyed the time spent and see if she would like to do it again sometime.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Well, I had sent her an email afterwards. She responded back that her DSL is causing her problems and that she was responding via her phone, so it was a short message just saying she was having problems. I may call her tonight just to talk. She's a nice enough girl. Would like to learn more about her. We have some things in common. Plus, I'd really like to see her belly ring. :-)
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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Her belly rings? Does it have call waiting and different ring tones.......jeez I craack myself up.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
Edited by numbnms (05/28/08 10:22 AM)
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Don't be surprised at what I'm about to say. at your stage of this, a meetup feels a whole lot more important than it really is. It's not actually a date. It's just a meeting. If she clued into your feeling like it was really a date... in other words, a significant event... well, she might have been a little worried not to go too fast.
A candle that burns too brightly also burns out quickly, you know... but only people who've been dating in the real world for a while will remember that and be able to know whether it's moving too fast. For you, everythign will seem too fast and not fast enough at the same time... everything will be too important and not enough.
You're maybe too fresh from wanting to reconcile. Consider resolving your feelings about whether you CAN reconcile before you figure out whether you want to spend more time with a woman you recently met. And all you did was meet her, talk to her, spend some time with her.
The awkwardness was because you're used to being with someone who goes home with you after the walk is over, who naturally hugs & kisses you if she feels the closeness, who knows the signals when you're "in the mood". You're not used to NOT being intimate with a woman who is the object of your flirtation/interest. So of course it feels awkward. You dont' know what it's like any more, to be interested in a woman and not intimate with her.
Ther'es a wonderful thing about feeling comfortable with someone you've chosen to spend your life with, and you may want that back right NOW... but you can't have it. NOT NOW. What you can have is the learning experience of finding out what it's like to have that little uncertainty, the insecurity of not knowing if she likes you or not, if she wants you to lean in for a kiss, or more. You NEED the experience of getting to knwo each other. rather than trying to find a woman who is ready to slide right into the spot in your bed that was left by your ex.
Right now, at the stage you're in, you're just trying to fill the empty spot. And all that this relationship is ready for is a few talks, maybe a shared experience or two, the development of a friendship.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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You're very right Gigi. It wasn't a date. It wasn't even planned.
As for wanting to reconcile.......nope. She's proved herself to be a shallow, selfish slut. I want nothing to do with her anymore. Do I still think about her? Yes. But I still think about girls I dated in college as well.
As for not being intimate with someone that is the object of my affection. Well, I was married and that relationship was hardly intimate most of the time, so maybe I'm a little used to that? But yeah, I'm not used to that on a new level with a stranger.
Awkward......yes.
Friends.....will have to see what happens. I will probably give her a call tonight just to talk.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Quote:
As for not being intimate with someone that is the object of my affection. Well, I was married and that relationship was hardly intimate most of the time, so maybe I'm a little used to that? But yeah, I'm not used to that on a new level with a stranger.Quote:
LOL... OK... so the sex wasnt' that good in your marriage I take it?
But if it's like most marriages, you get used to being that one person being your one & only. You did NOT have long walks & talks with other women, you know? your walk/talk thing where you maybe flirted a little were (or should have been) reserved for your WIFE... the woman you went home to. And by intimacy I don't mean necessarily just doing the deed, but also ... knowing which bra she's wearing, knowing that she likes to run to the ladies room before dinner to wash her hands... knowing that if a flock of birds is on the path then she'll be queasy becasue she was frightened by the movie "the birds" when she was 15 years old. The intimacy of knowing each other, likes, dislikes, sex habits and NON-sex habits.
You're not used to having a casual, flirtatious talk with a woman whose sex habits and NON-sex habits you don't know. You're not used to the curiousity of the unknown in a potential sex partner. You're not used to the heart-pounding hope that you might be able to kiss a woman when you've never slept with her yet.
BUT you know what I'm saying... I know.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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yeah, I don't know if it's a matter of feeling uncomfortable or as mentioned, am I going to fast, too slow, what is safe to talk about, what isn't. Not only haven't I been in a relationship in 12 years, but I was single for awhile even before my wife.
.......and knowing how awkward I feel about some of this, it really makes me wonder how my wife was able to do it so quickly.....but then, I guess she's a slut and I'm not. :-)
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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Are we talking about the blind one or a new one? Turning out to be quite the little talker. That's great. You deserve bookoodles of dates, and they will come.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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This is a different one.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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You stated you was going to call her last night, did you?
How did it go? Be like Heinz ketchup, take it slow.
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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I did call and left a message. No call back. Not too concerned. If she doesn't call back, that's fine.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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derkacz78
Gold
Reged: 05/07/08
Posts: 190
Loc: MIchigan
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mark,
That is the question of the year for me. How can women who leave their husbands like in my situation and mfergel's situation move on so fast? Cause I can't. I know that I should be saying fu*k my STBX and I am outta here, but why do I want to hold on to hope?
How can they just move on so fast and not even look back?
Then we go out and date, and it just doesn't feel right. That chemistry or heart thingy is just not there.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Wish I knew. What's worse, is that I think it makes us question our worth. How insignificant was I and our relationship that she's able to forget about it in one week? I know, everyone says she was probably moving on while the relationship was still going, but that still is a bunch of crock. How can you sleep with someone, have a child with someone and just forget about it all?
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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What do you know. She called me back this afternoon. I was totally surprised. Didn't think I was going to hear back from her. She said she had a rough week. She was actually on the road when she called (one her way to North Carolina). We talked for about 20 minutes or so. I told her I'd love to get together again when she gets back, so maybe I'll have a chance to get with her this week, as I am leaving town for a week next Sunday. Wish me luck.
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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tookway2much
Platinum
Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 627
Loc: Going toward the light!
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You don't need luck, you have looks and charm.
Go and have a wonderful time and don't give us a
second thought. he! he! he!
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I don't worry about the people in my past. There is a reason they are not in my future.
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julestn
Bronze
Reged: 06/14/08
Posts: 44
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Yeah! I am with you and wishing you for great time!
All the best!
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Dating Tips
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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Quote:
Yeah! I am with you and wishing you for great time!
All the best!
I've asked the adminstrator to delete your crap...now go away
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