skitch
New
Reged: 05/20/08
Posts: 4
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thanks all! I really apprciate the postings. i have talked to an attorney and he feels he can "get me off" with just 3.5 yrs of spousal support, same as child support.
The concept of being married and supporting someone for 20 years at a pretty decent level of living due to hard work and long hours. Being a loving husband and father. And then being kicked out of your nice comfortable home that my work got us into and made to live in substandard conditions and still supporting the one that is booting you, the one that has broken the vows, is just absurd! No one has mentioned maintaining my standard of living! I am the payor simply for making more money! Absurd! Can you help me with that concept?
Seriously, I want to be able to present that concept to her in a digestable manner, analogy, whatever. I don't want to put her on the defense. I just want to soften her up on this. I apperciate any and all insight to this. I'm not banking my case on it but i do think it will make a difference.
And thanks everyone for your replys so far, it helps, it really does.
Hey, has any one checked out that "spousal support" handbook advertised on this page? I know, that it is probably junk and it's just some opprotunist preying on the hurt and damaged...just wondering.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3218
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[quote]thanks all! I really apprciate the postings. i have talked to an attorney and he feels he can "get me off" with just 3.5 yrs of spousal support, same as child support.[/quote]
I would be very cautious with an attorney who tells you that he can get you off with only 3.5 years of alimony for a very long-term marriage. Typically, alimony goes for 1/3 to 1/2 the length of marriage and with a long-term marriage like yours, it could even be indefinite.
The minimum you would be looking at is 6.6 years unless she agrees to less time. Kentucky does take into consideration the length of the marriage, the standard of living while married and the ability to pay.
You make considerably more than she does. You probably will pay for longer than 3.5 years. What I would definitely fight for is to add the following clause:
Alimony stops upon remarriage, she wins the lottery, and cohabitation (this one is a big one because if it's not in there you may not be able to stop alimony should she live with a boyfriend).
Edited by Jada (05/24/08 09:21 AM)
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2007
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All of the things you listed would be overidden by child support guidelines in my state, if lesser child support was agreed upon by the parties, in lieu of some other money/asset etc. I learned this the hard way. My ex and I agreed that I pay 2/3 guideline for CS, in lieu of the kids being with me 50% of the time (my state gave no credit for time with the NCP at that time; CS was based 100% on NCP's income). This was in the divorce decree, and signed by a judge. Three months later, in CS court, the decree was overidden to full guideline.
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akika
New
Reged: 05/25/08
Posts: 1
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[quote]thanks all! I really apprciate the postings. ...cut for length only...
Seriously, I want to be able to present that concept to her in a digestable manner, analogy, whatever. I don't want to put her on the defense. I just want to soften her up on this. I apperciate any and all insight to this. I'm not banking my case on it but i do think it will make a difference.[/quote]
Hi, this is my first post, I never realized I was getting a divorce till yesterday. I was motivated to register and post because of your post. You sound EXACTLY like you are my husband (except he's not getting "kicked out" and we've only been married 17 years).
I'm adult enough to know there are three sides to every story, so I won't argue your wife's side, it's none of my biz. But I can advise you, after more than a year of personal experience, if your spouse is being unreasonable in his/her demands or expectations, NO illustration or analogy is going to work.
I COMPLETELY understand your desire to make her understand, to see your side, and to come up with some kind of words to get it through to her. I've spent sleepless nights, hours of therapy, pages of journaling, tons of text messages and emails, and hours of fruitless "discussions" trying to come up with some kind of analogy, illustration or brilliant verbiage trying get my husband to understand my points. (Mine is not about money, more about why/how we should work on reconciliation, but whatever). I know - it just seems like this person who used to be reasonable and rational must be in there somewhere and just needs to be nudged awake and made to SEE.
If your wife is like my husband, there is no more reason or rationale. She is not going to be receptive to ANYTHING, even the most incisive brilliant analogy will fall on deaf ears.
I hear you say it's all her fault, but even so, ending a marriage is really painful for everyone involved. Anger/resentment/pain/wounded pride/fear/mistrust make a person hard and "close off." I've finally admitted to myself, I can't "soften" him up. My advice is, if your wife is like that, don't torture yourself trying to find the right turn of phrase to make her see that her demands are unfair.
Look out for your rights, take care of your health. This process is soul-killing and unavoidably unfair. You need to survive. Although your kids are nearly grown, they will always need you.
Edited by akika (05/25/08 05:37 PM)
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