Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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"How about this... you get the divorce going, you do NOT ask for anything more than $1500 per month in alimony, (well, make it more like $2000 per month to account for the fact that alimony is taxable)."
I'm confused on this. The OP has lived in the house for 3 years on her own, although the house does have joint ownership. If she offered to accept $2000 in alimony, the $4500 will end, so it will be a sudden drop of $2500/month. They will make the house unaffordable....unless a trade off of other assets results in the house being paid off. Another odd thing....it appears the house payment/insurance is $2800/month. It has got to be an awful short term mortgage if the balance is only $60K.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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Is the amount that he has been paying court ordered? If so, simply write him back and tell him that he needs to continue paying what he is court ordered to or you will file contempt of court charges.
If not, have your attorney file for temporary support. This way, he doesn't get to decide when he pays and when he doesn't.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]It appears that the tax refund came from HIS withholding taxes throughout the year, since you make very little. If you were separated when he earned this income from which the extra withholding tax was taken, then it is not your tax refund but his, and therefore, he is entitled to all of it. [/quote]
No, he is not entitled to all of it. They filed JOINTLY. He benefited from her exemption and filing jointly.
It is a marital asset and she only took half of it. Which is what a court would have ordered anyway.
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delph1o
New
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 14
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"I'm confused on this. The OP has lived in the house for 3 years on her own, although the house does have joint ownership. If she offered to accept $2000 in alimony, the $4500 will end, so it will be a sudden drop of $2500/month. They will make the house unaffordable....unless a trade off of other assets results in the house being paid off. Another odd thing....it appears the house payment/insurance is $2800/month.
Well, we actually split up about 6 years ago. We were really in debt. I didn't have a clue about finances but I knew we needed a budget. I put us on a budget to pay credit cards, closed accounts, refinanced the house with a 15 year loan at a lower interest rate, and made double payments on the house for a while to get it paid off by the time he retired.That's how he arrived at the 1500 amount for me. Again, the mortgage is on the house he lives in. The yearly amount of 27000 comes from adding up all monthly and annual bills related to the property and insurance...mortgage, longtermcare for both of us,disability,life insurance, property taxes on both properties. So, take 54000, subtract 27000, and then subtract 18000 for me, it leaves 9000 more for him.
BTW, The properties are joint tenancy. We also got a family trust after we split up
I can't stand the idea of giving up this for that, having to sell a house. I just don't want that. I just want retirement, income till then, insurance, me live here and him there...peace of mind.
Sorry, I didn't expect to share all this..you can see I like to clear things up. Could be helpful for people to see all this I guess.
Is there any family code that states division of refund. I also thought that if you file jointly, he benefits and therefore it's 50/50 as a community property asset. But again, there's nothing in writing and it may be better in the bigger scheme of things to let it go and use it as a way to open a discussion for the bigger picture in getting a formal agreement. Having it be about the tax benefits in writing off support for him might be appealing and make him less paranoid and suspicious.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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Ultimately, you have alot of assets, income, a long term marriage,a long term seperation, retirement funds, inheritance funds, 2 houses and other complications. You would need an attorney just to make sure every issue is covered. The easiest way would be to have it all on the table, and mediate the whole package at once, but it will take 2 willing participants for that to be possible. Good luck.
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delph1o
New
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 14
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Thanks. From a relatively small issue to a much bigger one, almost overwhelming. But this has been really helpful and so much to think about. I think the notion of going for what we're doing already makes sense.
You know when I went to an attorney thinking of getting a legal separation because I thought health insurance would stay the same and we wouldn't have to sell our houses she said, Why? If you're legally separated you're married. Get a divorce! I think the more you agree on before the better and it seems you have to stand your ground with an attorney.
So one more question:
Gigi mentioned a separation agreement. Is a separation agreement the same as a legal separation or is it an in between agreement.?Is this something you need a lawyer for and if it's not a legal separation is it enforcable?
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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A separation agreement is enforceable if a judge signs off on it making it a court order.
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delph1o
New
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 14
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When the judge signs off on it does it technically become a "legal separation". I'm trying to determine if they are two different things. Does the agreement stand alone and is enforcable or is it meant to be used as a step in the process of getting a legal separation or divorce. I was under the impression that it's a more interum agreement.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Oh gee... SAM... they'v egot two houses. He's in the one that has the $60K mortgage. Hers is owned outright but nearly worthless when she moved in... unfinished & she finished it up. The $4500 a month that he puts into the joint account is so she can pay the expenses... his mortgage, his utilities and her utilities. Her residence's share of that comes to about $1500 per month, HIS residence's share of that comes to about $3000 per month. The reason so much is placed into tha taccount is that she maintains the mortgages and utilities because he has a habit of forgetting to pay stuff... but the majority of the stuff deposited ther eis going to HIS residence's maintanence that she is no longer taking advantage of the ownership of.
If she divorced him and let him keep the more expensive larger house that has the tiny mortgage balance and she kept the cabin & $1500 a month (plus enough ot cover taxes) it would be a wash for her. He keeps the whole rest of his salary.
OP... check wihth your laweyr about COBRA. It's not JUST for when you leave a job, but also when you get divorced. If his health coverage is through one of his jobs, then when he tells them to stop covering you becasue of a divorce, they are supposed to send you the COBRA information. All you need to do is make certain you've given them the proper address infomration for yourself. But frankly, I'd never just trust this. I'd always call them and let them know I WANTED COBRA, following it up with a letter so they have something in writing... and then make certain do to all the paperwork in thier deadlines... It's like 30 or 60 days... so they can't find a way to deny you.
Better to get it done now when he's in the mood to do right by you on the retirement, than wait just because of the fear of insurance issues... especially when COBRA will allow you to keep the insuracne till medicare kicks in.
Oh, and the thing about your boys treating you better... kids tend to side with an abusive spouse when both are living together, because they prefer the power position. But once you show the power to get out, the ability to respect your position returns. Not that they'll ever trash moneybags daddy... but without him standing over them and looking on as they react to you, they feel more natural in being able to interact with you.
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delph1o
New
Reged: 05/27/08
Posts: 14
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I think COBRA only lasts for three years. Don't know. I don't know how to find out the details of Pers. I know someone who legally separated but continued health coverage. I don't know if he just didn't report it or if it's covered when you legally separated but not in the case of divorce.
I've heard you can have an order to sell the house in the future sometime and that the division is 50/50 if sold and that you can just not sell it. I suppose you can even change ownership to tenents in common . Oh here I go again. Sorry bout that.
Anyway, I like the idea of baby steps, get together and see how close we are on this stuff.
If a separation agreement isn't as formal as a legal separation it could be a way to enter the process without too much stress.
Boy Gigi, you are incredibly good at understanding all this and filling in the blanks. This board is very lucky to have you...so helpful to me.
Funny, when I went to a therapist we concluded he's a narcissistic passive/agressive person. He allowed the boys to abuse me for him. And for myself, a person who grew up being abused by my dad, oh what a combination. I'm better but still badly wired. It's something I accept and have to live with.My one son entered the military and is completely different. The other son moved out for a while, was nice to me, and is back with his dad and never contacts me. I'm not surprised.
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