It's been a tough weekend for me. I started feeling really down last night, coming home to an empty house. I almost cried but stopped myself before it started.
I've known my marriage was over for two years. I've been separated for 14 months and legally divorced for a month now.
The problem is I have involved someone else in my mess. We have dated for six months and he wants to be way more serious with me than I want to be with him.
I told him Friday that I needed some space to get things right in my head. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really love him as a person-- I love the companionship and attention he gives, but I'm not in love with him. I'm also not at all ready to settle again. I need more time to get things right with myself first.
He wants to meet up tomorrow to talk about things. I just want to bury my head in the ground and hide.
I feel terrible that I am going to break his heart. What do I do if he cries? I'm not any good at this-- I was married for six years and I was the one who got crushed, not the crusher. I know how that feels and I hate that I may be doing it to him.
I don't really know what the point of this post is, maybe to ask for advice. Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? How did you handle it? How did it turn out for you?
-------------------- No man is happy who does not think himself so. ~Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
My marriage ended because I was lying to myself by saying that everything will be ok. I kept issues secret because I was affraid of upsetting my mate. Only if I was more honest with everything and more open, things wouldn't have been so painfull.
They say pain exists so it can teach us and strengthen us. Pain tells us that something is wrong, not right, and needs to be fixed. We feel pain when we touch something hot because we are getting damaged. The more pain we feel, the more we can endure as our skin gets thicker and withstand more heat.
Fear is a random precurssor to pain. We are affraid of feeling pain so we have fear instead. Fear makes us hesitate at putting our hand on that piece of metal because we are affraid that it might hurt. While pain may be a definate, fear is not.
Unless we confront those fears we will never know if what we experiance is either pain or pleasure. After all, we can't assume that everything we fear is exactly going to be painfull.
Have your talk. Explain yourself, be honest with yourself. If you hurt him, you hurt him. I too am affraid of breaking someones heart. It makes me feel miserable to do it. But I figured its better to be painfully honest than ignorantly blissfull.
In the end. He should respect you for your honesty. You should also respect yourself for yours as well.
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