taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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i guess i really want to know how long until im going to get ditched. LOL.
i probably mostly need guys' input here,
cuz im a girl...DATING guys and as i girl
i really dont know what the answer is...
So i go out with this nice guy who kind of likes me.
But im not that into him. He's alluded to a zillion more ideas he has in the near future, so im sure ill go out with him a few more times.
Now I just want to be FRIENDS, and i dont want to hurt his feelings (this really is NOT going to go anywhere) SO there can be no sex.
Meanwhile, sigh, someone i dated before, that I liked, wants to see me again.
Thing is im PRETTY sure, he'll play me again,
but im curios if his 'lines' are lines or what so im willing to take the risk (guarded though!)
Now i was involved a bit with this guy before but i want to test the waters and see what the deal is.
Now i am aware that neither of these situations is probably a good idea.....but im still going to proceed (with caution.)
Here's the deal though.
How many times can i go out with either of these guys before there's the sex issue?
I cant really sleep with either of these guys if im going out with both of them, because THAT is GROSS!
I cant sleep with the first guy...cuz that would be mean.
and
i need to wait to see if the second guy is playing me before i decide what im going to do.
So how many dates?
or
How long can 2 adults date before this becomes a problem?
taryn....a bit old fashioned in thinking sex should not be casual and refuses to date more than one person once that line has been crossed...
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taryn.
Edited by taryn (05/27/08 06:59 PM)
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2348
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You shouldn't screw either one of them because you don't like guy number one, and #2 played you before.
Let's say they're both sane though; 14 hours.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Date as long as you choose without sex. That's your choice. And if you're looking for ways to explain this that don't involve being a religious fanatic, just smile sweetly and tell them that you don't have sex unless you're in an exclusive relationship. And let it hang. If they push, saying they WANT an exclusive relationship, tell them that you're not ready for that with them yet. No need to tell them WHO else you're dating, but if they ask, be honest that you're not exactly sitting around pining for them when they disappear for weeks at a time.
Now, as for being played... that kind of depends upon how played. It's kind of normal for people these days to date more than once at a time and keep their options open with everyone until they choose one or the other, and then letting the others hang for a while. It's ridiculous, but Miss Manners' guidelines on how to handle multiple dating situations did not really contemplate the advent of the internet and people who hop into bed on date number 1... or others who call it a date when all they're doing is having coffee with someone they think is cute.
Relationships are harder to define these days so I am more willing to be forgiving on minor missteps at the beginning.
Heck, being a recent divorcee still not completely finalized, dating one guy you're not that interested in and another you're worried about because of how he played you before... I'd suggest that there are probably people who think YOU have done wrong, played someone, etc. Defining these things these days is really hard... so reserve judgment until you figure out for SURE that the one you think played you was really doing something wrong (and if so, is un-repentatant about it). There's not a one of us who have ever been perfect in our dating... so if you liked him, give him another chance. Maybe he'll redeem himself.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Quote:
You shouldn't screw either one of them ....
well,
yeah...i know.
im just asking hypothetically (mostly).
i hope it's a while cuz the first guy does fun things so id like to go out with him a bit before he figures this all out (or gets ticked)
and
i WANT to go out with the other guy..
cuz im stupid and curious,
BUT I dont want to
make a poor choice until im sure i have my head on straight.
why cant the first and second guy just be ONE guy that works for me!?!
dating is a quandry.
oh well, such is life.
you watch the
second guy will blow me off
and
the first guy will just bug me to death.
and then ill end up not dating out of
sheer frustration.
and this will be a non issue.
LOL
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taryn.
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Kingssman
Gold
Reged: 05/09/08
Posts: 131
Loc: Peoria Illinois
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hmm gosh....
I know some situations that once sex is involved, they're gone. Or once sex is involved they get clingy. (i've done both......)
meh, dont do either of them and remain friends until you know which one is willing to stick it out for you.
I married my one night stand and 10 years later she left me for another man :-P
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 911
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Do whatever you want with whoever you want. Because you will learn from the experience either way. Just do it all safely. Maybe you should play him?? I mean WTF?
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Post deleted by taryn
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taryn.
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 635
Loc: Texas
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I think that if you have no interest in guy number one you should stop going out. Especially if he's paying for the dates and thinks it's going somewhere. To do otherwise is just mean.
Now, if you are paying for the dates, then that's a different story altogether.
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phyzguy
Platinum
Reged: 05/15/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Cali
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If you want to be friends with guy #1, you need to be honest with him and pay for your end of the outings. That's what friends do.
If you want to get played and hurt and feel rejected, then by all means have fun with guy #2.
/just sayin'
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Tibi ipsi esto fidelis
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Quote:
Now, as for being played... that kind of depends upon how played. It's kind of normal for people these days to date more than once at a time and keep their options open with everyone until they choose one or the other, and then letting the others hang for a while. It's ridiculous,Relationships are harder to define these days so I am more willing to be forgiving on minor missteps at the beginning.
>>>>>>good point. im not really sure what 'played' is,
and quit possibly i was not Played, necessarily, but i Did kind of fall for a mess of what he said.
then...bamm...he was gone. LOL. such is the dating game. I admit to have done similar things myself...well, no. i NEVER say implying or direct things i dont mean.
It's interesting you bring up the "not hearing from you for weeks". LOL. It could have been days between conversations then a string of days or weeks with talking every day.
I dont know if im cut out for that kind of dating.
but that is the adult reality until someone decides what they want.
Heck, being a recent divorcee still not completely finalized, dating one guy you're not that interested in and another you're worried about because of how he played you before... I'd suggest that there are probably people who think YOU have done wrong, played someone, etc.
>>>>>>withOUT a doubt! but im being careful not to be leading anyone on. mostly. even IM not sure if i agree with all my decisions. in fact im sure i dont.
but i am NOT a player. i tried, it's just not me. sigh. what can i say. LOL.
reserve judgment until you figure out for SURE that the one you think played you was really doing something wrong (and if so, is un-repentatant about it). There's not a one of us who have ever been perfect in our dating... so if you liked him, give him another chance. Maybe he'll redeem himself.
>>>>>>> well, this is the only guy i really ended up liking. i have NO idea why. it just was what it was.
He has apologized recently, with some possibly valid explainations. so we'll see.
i must admit...i kind of HATE liking someone and caring.
i really dont handle it well and become a bit, i dont know...attached.
i may STILL not be ready to casually date someone i get feelings for.
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taryn.
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