Divorce Support Forums: how many dates/how long until sex is EXPECTED?

Agree: you should really be up front with guy #1; who knows maybe he likes hanging out and being friends with and will still want to do the 'fun' things without the hang ups or stress of dating.
>>>>>> i decided this is what im going to have to do.
im going to lay it on the line. but somehow figure out a way to say 'youre a GREAT hang out friend' and i want to keep it friends...with OUT hurting his feelings. i mean if I liked someone and they said this to me..i would be SO hurt! but, i just cant lead someone on.
i am not cut out to be a feeling hurter!
i gotta figure out how to address this really nicely so i can keep a hang out buddy! and be a nice hang out buddy my self.

Guy2 : should probably be avoided. Explanations are just excuses no matter how valid. If I am remembering correctly this is the guy that would disappear for days at a time with no contact and not return your calls? No matter how busy someone is how long does it really take to pick up the phone and I got your calls Im sorry I don't have to chat right now but I will call you later tomorrow.
>>>>>wow! how do you REMEMEBER this kind of detail people write about. yes it is the same person. and im thinking you are most likely correct.

Blunt time so you have been warned before reading further.......
If a guy calls you every few weeks and apologizes for not calling more often, you accept this and go out and he 'gets something' guess what? You are a booty call, nothing more, he was horny and your name was next on his rolodex.
>>>>>>>that particular relationship was not set up like that, and for a time WAS a decent deal..then bamm. it was done. and now, yes there are 'reasons'. and i hear what you are saying.

Now to answer your origonal question...how long before sex is expected? The simple answer is sex is never EXPECTED by me. If it happens it happens because we both wanted it at the same time.

>>>>>for the rest of this ive done some soul searching and made some decisions.

1. i am not going to date and sleep with someone who i just want as a friend, because i feel obligated. and especially not if that person likes me more than a friend, because then I would be the mean person.
so im going to have to figure out a way to spell it out.
like i said earlier.

2. i am not going to sleep with someone i LIKE who doesnt show me that they are into me as much as im into them. becasue then ill get MY feelings hurt.

3. i am now past the FWB stage. dont know when that happened, but it did. and even then i was exclusive. because otherwise that is just gross. once either of us went out with someone else we wanted to pursue the FWB thing was to end. instead i just got sick of the whole senario and i bailed.

3. im finding i might have abnormally high expactations for what i need from a 'relationship' (whatever that is!lol i probably still dont know)
BUT regardless. im not going to have any sex until the relationship is feeling pretty solid. and by solid i mean i need to see the person is into me....saddly i want some kind of contact (im, email, calls) every day...or MAYBE every other day. even if it's a quick check in. not at first, but once things move on a bit. otherwise, i am the kind of person who doesnt feel 'valued' without a bit of pursuit. this might be asking too much of guys. but if so. i guess ill jsut have to deal with it.
once i feel like someone's priority..THEN the sex thing will come into play.

im past all this casual sex concept stuff unless it's an obviously stated thing...like im going to say to guy #1..i just want to be friends.

i can only be an FWB with someone who i dont really care about, and im done wasting my time on those kinds of 'relationships'.

think im a biotch now?

and...i dont think guy # 2 is going to pursue me they way im going to need. so that will be the end of that. damm.

thanks everyone.

t.

...who is thinking i should probably avoid the dating scene a bit longer....

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taryn.