Tranquility
New
Reged: 05/22/08
Posts: 22
|
|
Ok, my boss and I are pretty good friends and extremely attracted to each other. We joke around at work a lot and even go to lunch or have a drink sometimes. We are not at all compatible for a long-term relationship (I thought he was 15 years older, but found out it's closer to 20), but today we discussed a "FWB" type relationship. I have had this type of relationship in the past(ex-husband and I had a somewhat open marriage for about 5 years). The thing is, I'm really into my career and kids right now and don't necessarily have time for a real relationship. Relationships between managers and workers are pretty common in our field, so it wouldn't really be a problem if anyone found out, other than a little elbowing which we get anyway. I've only been separated since January and divorce was final about a month ago. The marriage has been over for years. I'm just getting tired of the lonely nights and trust him to be discreet and not get too involved. Is this a good idea? Has anyone else had this type of arrangement and how did it work out?
|
theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2190
|
|
The question to ask is how your work relationship could be affected if the intimate relationship doesn't work out .
--------------------
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
|
Tranquility
New
Reged: 05/22/08
Posts: 22
|
|
Don't really think it would be a problem. Neither of us are involved with anyone else, we both understand that a "real" relationship is not feasable (his kids are almost my age), and we've even discussed that things would have to end if either of us started developing feelings or decided to pursue a relationship with someone else. Worst case scenario is that one of us would have to transfer to another site 3 miles away and I have no problem with that if it became a problem.
|
Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
|
|
Remember the old saying- Never mix business with pleasure...
Dating a co-worker, especially a boss, is a virtual minefield. Others at work will likely think you are getting special favors from him at work, and if the relationship doesn't work out, there will almost certainly be conflict there. It's easy to say neither of you want anything serious and you can back out if it gets too serious, but that's when it is most difficult to leave a relationship, and one or both of you are likely to develop feelings for the other one...
|
Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2279
|
|
I agree 100% with Armour.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3345
|
|
What happened to those relationships between manager and employee when the relationship ends?
Sleeping with your boss can cost you your job. IMO, not worth the risk.
|
taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2258
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
|
|
you are taking a pretty big risk.
in a number of ways a bigger risk than he is.
first, like you said he's considerably older than you,
so he's getting the better end of the bargain in that area. (even if he's hot...the fact remains)
second, he's the boss and this Will come into play at some point. in spite of what you currently think now, the odds of this affecting your job in some way when it ends are above 50%.
third. if he's suggesting such a thing with you how do you know he doesnt have these little liasons all over work, that would be a bit gross.
forth. you didnt say if he was married or not (if so...walk...no run)
fifth...while he SAYS it would be fine if one of you walked what he REALLY means is it would be fine if HE ended the FWB relationship. it WILL be an issue if YOU end it once it starts.
now you have to figure out a way to end it before it begins.
with out it affecting your job already (you really did take a risk here!).
Tell him you decided you cant be a FWB with him because you are too worried you might develop feelings for him. That while there are some people you CAN be an fwb with because you KNOW you wont become emotionally attached, you think you will with him!
this will feed his ego while letting you walk away, HOPEFULLY with out any negative consequences.
it does, however, sound as if you have already kind of choosen to pursue this FWB thing with him. If at all possible try to avoid this!
let us know how this all plays out.
what you decided and how he reacts and all.
good luck.
--------------------
taryn.
|
Tranquility
New
Reged: 05/22/08
Posts: 22
|
|
Quote:
What happened to those relationships between manager and employee when the relationship ends?
I've seen one where the manager was transferred, another where they just continued to work together and everyone pretended nothing had happened and a couple where they ended up married. I'm sure there have been a few I didn't know about that ended badly. But, these were all actual relationships. Definitely not what we have in mind. This abstinence thing just isn't working for me and I don't want to go into a string of one night stands. We're close enough friends that I trust him, but we know there's too much in the way of a relationship.
|
Tranquility
New
Reged: 05/22/08
Posts: 22
|
|
Quote:
if he's suggesting such a thing with you how do you know he doesnt have these little liasons all over work, that would be a bit gross.
forth. you didnt say if he was married or not (if so...walk...no run)
I don't think he does-there are only a few women where we work. And no, he's not married or attached in any way.
I think you are right, though.
|
taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2258
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
|
|
Quote:
[.
I think you are right, though.
yeah. but it still sukks though!
what are you going to do?
--------------------
taryn.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
