My ex husband, who used to go DAYS without saying more than 2 words to Delaney, has suddenly decided that he needs to speak to her a minimum of two times a day. She's getting really irritated (she's 6). He calls once in the afternoon while she's playing with friends, then again at bedtime. Is She keeps asking me to say something to him but I don't know that it's my place. What are your thoughts?
This is hard for parents to deal with. I used to be the NCP and just never understood and often blamed my X for not letting me talk to my daughter. I've now tried to encourage my daughter to call her mom (got her a phone) but often my daughter would rather play (she's eight). I will try to get her to call when she isn't doing something. Like riding in the car or after a bath, just before dinner. This is hard for a NCP to take and understand. This is something I would never be able to talk over with my X and she will just have to deal with it. My daughter will check her messages when she wants. I do understand that a private phone is not your solution but in some ways your going to have to be the responsable party on your side of the phone and encourage the talks. Twice a day isn't bad.
You could ask him not to call while she's playing but promise to call just before lunch or before dinner and report to him how she's feeling, what she's having to eat, who she's playing with. It keeps the NCP feeling connected. It rips them apart when they're apart for so much and I can certainly understand why he finally decided to just start calling. And a bedtime call is absolutely appropraite for the same reasons. Just a little "I love you", or "good night, I'm thinking about you", or "make sure you say your prayers"... whatever is the bedtime routine from the NCP is worth a thousand words. Consider finding a way to make it a short call and part of her bedtime routine.
You need to walk a fine line. Once a day to say goodnight is great. But, if he calls while she is playing - ask if she can call back in 30 min or while she is waiting for dinner.
Calls are important, but they don't get to be a leash. You need to balance that while he might have been a different parent before the separation, he may become someone different now and give him the room to do it. You can't complain that he never talked and then complain that he talks too much.
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