dmc
Platinum
Reged: 06/28/06
Posts: 2948
Loc: Pennsylvania
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If you have known someone for a few months, are dating, but not exclusively, and decide to become intimate.
Is it overstepping to ask him to let you know if he decides to be intimate with someone else at the same time.
Would like to know what you think...........
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Donna
Touching Someone's Heart for a Mere Second Can Touch Their Soul for a Lifetime.
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kent
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2992
Loc: a melted glacier
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I am old fashioned in this area -- I would not be intimate with anyone that I am not in an exclusive relationship with, so I think it is TOTALLY reasonable to know.
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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 635
Loc: Texas
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Think diseases and how easy they are to transfer from person to person.
That should help.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1281
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This is not overstepping. It is your right to know.
As a matter of fact, ask BEFORE getting intimate. Why get intimate with someone who could possibly be doing that with other people? You're setting yourself up for heartbreak (especially since you used the word "intimate" and not sex) and possible diseases.
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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Agreed....a condition of intimacy definatley should be exclusivity on both your behalf...
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boobaa
Platinum
Reged: 05/02/06
Posts: 3392
Loc: Aurora, CO
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This is not overstepping, but neither is it a 'right' to know. And this is coming from someone who is essentially "situationally celibate."
Look - this is the same type of stuff that gets people to forums like this in the first place, D - it's all about the quality of communication that goes on, prior to the boots-knocking. If you're not on the same page, you don't really know until you get to that part of the story, you know? I mean, if someone is in it just for the sex, and possibly manipulative about it, well then they're either going to be evasive or dishonest - or accuse you of 'overstepping,' which is a load of crap. It's a matter of being on the same page. That is it.
If you decide to be intimate, and THEN ask the question, if you're not on the same page, then you're not on the same page - plain and simple. If you decide that your hormones and errogenous zones don't really give a rip, at least you can go to bed with that person and know that there are aspects to your situation (I hesitate to call it a relationship) that are not in sync.
I hate to make it that simple, but it really is. You know me well enough to know that I have never had a "sleep-around" phase. But if I connected with my inner man-[censored] and decided to adopt a Tony Stark lifestyle, any woman I slept with that asked me that question would be well aware that in my book, everyone has the right to cultivate experiences as they see fit - in other words, if I'm now a field-player, not only would I not send a mass-email out to everyone saying "just so you know I've decided to get jiggy with (insert name here)" - I would not expect a woman I was interested in to afford me the same notice.
Long post short - your initial statement was 'dating, but not exclusively.' That means different things to different people. For many people, the 'D' in dating could just as easily be an 'M' .
oh, how I do amuse myself. . . .
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My religion is simple. My religion is kindness.
- Dalai Lama
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 708
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Going to step out there on this one, for me it is really simple and there is little room for error.
If/When I decide it is that time, if I am not comfortable enough with that person to ask questions then I had better rethink whether it is the right time, but honestly no questions would really need to be asked as I would be in an exclusive relationship. I don't do the one night stand thing. Women are to precious to abuse that way.
just my take.
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Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2348
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My boyfriend sure did address this very early on:
I remember him saying to me, "Can we only see each other?"
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