dlktx
New
Reged: 01/18/06
Posts: 13
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I cannot believe what is happening right now. My son is having trouble in school (skipping, violating daytime curfew ordinance) and in the best interest of my son, I asked his father to agree to transfer our son to the school that is in his district. I was told today that he would not agree to this because our son wants to stay at his current HS and his new live in girlfriend really doesn't want our son there. I was told that if he was to do this he would take me court, he would want to be PCP, modify child support, and establish residency. I have no problem with this, but we only have two years left anyway. Why involve the courts (and I'm not after the CS if that's what one might think---its really not about that at all). I feel like this is a way to keep the girlfriend happy and my son, but it is not in my son's best interest. I'm pretty upset that this got ugly between my ex and I when I was nicely asking him to be a parent. Any recommendations or feedback would be so greatly appreciated.
dlktx
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KU girl
New
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 10
Loc: Denver
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I'm very sorry to hear that. Gotta love when grown adults put their wants and needs in front of their (in this case, troubled) children.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1197
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Why do you think changing school would help? Are you sure your son isn't crying out for something he's not getting?
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dlktx
New
Reged: 01/18/06
Posts: 13
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I think he is trying to see how far his Dad will let him go. I don't know. His Dad has painted me out to be the obstacle. I'm the one that consequences, Dad's the one that talks. Mom won't let me but Dad will. One time when my son broke a rule in the house, my ex knew about it and they bonded over it. (I over heard the conversation). Overall however, my ex is a good man, he just doesn't know how to hold the line, but in the last month he has. But our son is excelating. I can no longer allow him to stay at the school he is in and be influenced by the "group" that he is hanging out with. So what am I suppose to do, go to court to discuss reasons why my son's father doesn't want to parent --- he's girlfriend and son said no? that's just too unbelieveable to me. I'm shocked. Looks like my son gets his way again and again is learning how NOT to take responsibility.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1197
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It's tuff when kids hang out with the wrong crowd but he can find the wrong crowd at the new school also. Moving might be the answer but it might just be transfering the problem and not dealing with it. The only real way changing schools will work is if a strong effort is made on everyones part to keep your son on the right track.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 397
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Chatter has a point. One thing I have told my son from day one is that he starts screwing up, I will go to class with him... I will sit beside him and make sure he doesn't skip. And if I have to use what is left of my vacation time after court to do it, I will. I was a kid who skipped. I hung with the wrong crowd. I was mischevious. BUT I was a strong willed person who knew right from wrong, fun from dangerous.... I screwed up and made choices that have made my life harder. I was honor roll, but didn't apply myself and now do not have a high paying career. I will make sure Son has the oppritunity to go to college and beyond. Thing is, I cannot expect any help from ex... I will be the strong one who forces son to buckle down. You son needs to have the law laid down. He isn't going to like it. If dad doesn't want tho help. so be it.. you just have to be the witch... but you will be a witch whose son made it theorugh school and has a future.
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dlktx
New
Reged: 01/18/06
Posts: 13
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I do appreciate everyone's feedback and I've been checking up on him at school, lunch time etc. I think there comes a time in every boy's life where he really needs to spend more time with his father.
Please give me some feedback here. I am worried I have may have stepped over a line here. Not sure. I told my son that I am moving him to a different school district so that he is nearer to my work (around the corner) and so that I can watch over him more easily. My son of course does not want to change schools. I told him that I didn't want him to either, but because of the choices he is making I have to step in. I informed him that his father said he would not help because of his girlfriend didn't want him there more often and that his father is torn. His father didn't even comment when I asked if he would take an extra day during the week to help me and I would consider keeping at his current HS. My ex said that if I forced him to take our son, he would want PCP and would modify child support. Fine by me, but I don't want my son to be in a home where he is not wanted. I certainly don't mean to poision my son against his father, but am afraid I"ll be accused of that. Does my ex have grounds to stop me?
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utdivorce
Gold
Reged: 02/26/07
Posts: 147
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"I'm pretty upset that this got ugly between my ex and I" Pay close attention to "ex." Once you let the cat out of the bag, you know what happens. My ex is barely realizing this ugly fact (son only 3yrs old, though) My honest opinion: Just drop it. If it's only two more yrs, forget about it. Good luck!
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dlktx
New
Reged: 01/18/06
Posts: 13
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what do you mean by "pay close attention to ex"? I do. I listen to every word he says and have co-operated with some of the most hair brain parenting techniques you could think of -- one which was let SON (at age 10) decide if he wants to pass or not (I"m pretty disgusted with myself for that one). I want to understand what you mean by what you said, please.
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utdivorce
Gold
Reged: 02/26/07
Posts: 147
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An ex is an ex. Ever since my ex decided to steal my son's happiness by playing dirty throughout the divorce I no longer see her as a person I can trust. An ex in my opinion is an enemy. You can't trust an ex.
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