aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 531
Loc: Texas
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Like just about everything else I do, I jumped into the dating mix full bore. I've been going out on dates a lot. And each time I go out, I'm disheartened about how I feel no chemistry about the person. I'm reminded of how much I miss my STBX.
About two weeks ago, I started feeling down a bit. I was worried that I was going too fast, and needed to slow down. I felt that part of the reason why I wasn't able to form any chemistry with these women was due to me not being over my STBX yet.
So, I kind of stopped dating altogether for a while. Took a short break to kind of get my mind right. And then tonight I went on a date with a girl that was introduced to me by a friend of a friend. We chatted briefly through myspace and saw each other's pictures.
I was actually nervous before the date. My friend had built her up so well, saying how great a girl she was. I was afraid all that would do was set me up for disappointment. You know, someone tells you how awesome a movie is, you go in, and it doesn't live up to the hype?
Well, she shows up and is absolutely gorgeous. Her photo's didn't do her justice. And the conversation was great. She asked me questions about my life, we talked about her. It was a genuine conversation with someone that wanted to know stuff about me. Almost instant chemistry. Everything I was looking for.
We spend about 2.5 hours eating/drinking/talking before she has to go home. We both had a good time and want to go out again.
I feel giddy like a schoolboy.
But I feel scared now. I knew this would happen at some point. I would feel something for someone other than my wife. It's one thing to go out on a date with someone, it's an entirely different beast to go out with someone that you really like.
It's great to finally meet someone that makes me forget about my STBX. But at the same time, it makes me sad knowing that I'm forgetting about my STBX.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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Quote:
It's great to finally meet someone that makes me forget about my STBX. But at the same time, it makes me sad knowing that I'm forgetting about my STBX.
Don't feel bad!! Fugget-about-a! You need to if you want to move on.
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 965
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Oh my gosh it's possible, you can be impressed by a woman!
My take (again feel free to tell me to mind my own business) you're putting unrealistic expectations on yourself and that is what's hindering your progression and the speed at which your heading down the path to a new life......
and actually the women that you've been dating, too.
As I told you, the most stunning, beautiful, intelligent, witty woman will not erase the feelings you have for your ex-wife. IMO that's an unfair, unrealistic expectation you've been placing on these unsuspecting women.
You were in love, shared a life, had children and considered your ex-wife to be your best friend. It takes time to disengage the emotional connection of such a bond and re frame the dynamics for a future relationship. Physically you're disengaged... you live apart form her, you're actively dating and you're broadening yourself with new hobbies. Although with the uncertainty and confusion you've been feeling, I would suggest moving away from the close friendship to more of a business like
connection. Allow the many layers of emotional disentanglement to catch up to the physical aspect. (no pun intended)
Letting go, being healed or moving on ( however you want to label it) is not necessarily the absence of feelings, whether they're feelings of fondness or pain She will always be the mother of your children, accept that you will not completely remove all traces of her existence from who you are and then (IMO) you'll be free!
I'm happy for the giddy feelings! Now who is she so I can check her out on your myspace page? 
--------------------
life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 531
Loc: Texas
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Yeah, imagine that! Someone met my stringent requirements.
I agree with what you are saying. I agreed with it when you said it the first time. Which is one of the reasons I slowed down my dating.
The next two weeks are going to be particularly interesting. My boys will be at her parents. So, there should be little to no need for me or the STBX to communicate with each other. I will try my best to not initiate contact with her. Hopefully, she'll do the same.
I imagine it'll be rough since I'm so used to seeing the boys everyday.
I'll PM you who it is on my MySpace page.
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