tlv
New
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 9
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I am in the process of getting a divorce. Just a little back ground, I did cheat on my husband, but I an totally in love with this other person. My lawyer told me that I can not see him until after my divorce is final. I have read almost every post on here and it seems like everyone is dating other people before their divorce is final. I just wanted to know how many of you dated someone before their divorce was over and why is it that my stbx seems like the only one that wants to make that an issue. I live in Alabama and not sure if it is a no fault state or not and does it matter?
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 974
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I’m gonna go out on a limb here by saying….
Your hubby is making an issue because the vows actually meant something to him, I’m just guessing though!
Don’t mean to sound snide, but are you kidding?
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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tlv
New
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 9
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If they meant so much to him then why did he not go the marriage counseling the three times I begged him to go with me. When I told him that I felf like there was a problem with our marriage why did he ignore it and say nothing is wrong.
Edited by tlv (05/30/08 03:28 PM)
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aspect
Platinum
Reged: 01/08/08
Posts: 607
Loc: Texas
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Why didn't you file for divorce before cheating on him?
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tlv
New
Reged: 05/23/08
Posts: 9
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I thought it about it many times before but didn't think I could make it on my own. I know different now. I know that I should have filed before but sometimes things just don't happen in the right order.
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startinover06
Gold
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 121
Loc: Michigan
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As one who was cheated on... what is done is done...you cheated and that is that. But, have a heart. None of us are perfect.. but you do need to give him some compassion now.
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"Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart."
Cat
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norcal
Platinum
Reged: 08/24/06
Posts: 974
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I don’t have the answers, but I’m guessing you may. Sounds like your marriage was in crisis and you choose the route of turning to someone else, which right or wrong, is hurtful to the other half of a committed relationship.
I’m not judging you, but would like to point out that a little bit of empathy and compassion go along way, especially when your choices are hurtful to others.
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life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance..
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Solorider
Platinum
Reged: 02/23/07
Posts: 707
Loc: At the bottom of the bucket.
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Quote:
As one who was cheated on... what is done is done...you cheated and that is that. But, have a heart. None of us are perfect.. but you do need to give him some compassion now.
Perhaps...but we are only hearing one side of the story here. He might be a complete arse...verbally abusive, whatever. Most people cheat because the aren't getting the emotional and physical needs met. While we can look at those that cheat as terrible people, unless you know what the other person is like I prefer to not make any judgements calls.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5051
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if the new guy is right for you, he'll still be right for you when the divorce proceedings are over. Lots of people do date before the proceedings are over, but most don't even contemplate trying to meet or date till after the separation.
Turning your husband into a cuckold is not a way to get him in the mind of negotiating anything amicably. Your lawyer is thinking of the process of getting this over with, without turning the expense of it into something bigger than your combined assets would justify. The less amicable it is (because your husband is motivated to be less amicable because of the constant reminders of your cheating), the more expensive and painful and LONG LASTING the divorce will be.
If you want ti over with as simply and cheaply and quickly and happily as possible, then follow your lawyer's advice, and trust that your new relationship is strong enough to survive a few months of separation. If you can't trust it that far, then it's not much of a relationship... certainly not one worth breaking up a marriage over!
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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I'll second what gigi said...if you continue seeing this guy all it will do is upset your husband and make it that much more likely that he'll go on the fight...also, if your state isn't a no-fault state, he'll have the edge in court (which he already does if your state isn't no-fault and he can prove your infidelity).
On your other question, the majority of us here didn't date until after our divorces were final. I know I didn't...
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