chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
My xh gets d12 with CP only 1 or 2 times per month for weekend visitation. Parenting Agreeement says for her to go his home every Thursday pm, but due to her medical and physical needs, during school yr. she does not go there. The problem: I am totally exhausted mentally and physically. I need a break. I want to date and move on with my life, but due to d12's needs, I can not. XH left me for a younger Korean woman (my ex-employee/friend/church member)over 2.5 yrs. ago. So now they have freedom to do whatever they want. But they don't want to care for her (because of her handicap-no walking, talking, still in diapers, must be fed, takes about one hour, etc.) Any suggestions?? I would appreciate any help. Thanks
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
|
|
Have you told your ex that to get her on Thursdays?
That is his court ordered time. If you have to hire a babysitter (obviously one who can handle caring for a child with a severe handicap) while you get out, you can ask that he pays for it. If he doesn't want to exercise his time, that is his choice. But he's going to have to compensate you for any extra expense you incur as a result of his not exercising his parenting time.
Does he take his week-ends with her? If so, use that time to do something for yourself that you enjoy doing.
If not, refer to above about Thursday nights.
|
chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
Yes, We talked about it. Her wheelchair does not fit in our cars and if she does not have it, the school bus will not transport her to school on Fridays.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
|
|
Can he come to your place while you step out for a few hours?
|
jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
|
|
That is his issue, not yours. YOu need the break. Is there a caregivers group near you? Your ex needs to take the child and find a way to accomodate that. Otherwise, you need to go back to court, get more support to allow you get respite care.
|
chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
He does not even want to look at me. Our oldest, s17 has to deliver and pick her up when he does take her. I think he feels quilty, but he says it is because I do not accept his new wife (the friend he left me for).I am not allowed to go to my home for the past 10 yrs. (before the affair). Soon our son will be going to US Air Force, so it's really going to be more difficult.Thank you for advice about the babysitter. i never thought about that.
|
chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
What is the "caregiver group"? I live in a small city in NC, and I don't know of any. I need to check into that. Is that like a support group? Do you know if I take him to court, will it cost me any money. He did not pay any CS for over one year, and forced me into an agreement on his terms, and one of those was that I would not take him back to court. I had an expensive, but lousy atty.
|
theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
|
|
What is the "caregiver group"?
>>>>>>>>> try here :
http://www.fullcirclecare.org/nc/welcome.html
--------------------
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
|
|
How did he force you into an agreement?
File for a modification. There's nothing he can do about that. Insist that child support is per guidelines and includes respite care for when he refuses to take his child. I would also insist on it being garnished from his wages.
There's nothing he can do to force you to take less the state guidelines child support. He doesn't get to dictate the terms of the support.
|
Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
|
|
Does your daughter have a social worker? There should be all kinds of services available to your daughter, that would greatly help you out. If you don't, call social services, and set up an appointment.
|
jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
|
|
He may have forced you into an agreement, but the state will not uphold it when he is violating it and not taking his time with his daughter. You need to find out the minimum number the state will give you and then understand that you don't have "normal" and the state will give you more to help offset care issues.
|
chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
Many thanks to everyone for suggestions. Since we do not have a Social Worker, I need to go to DSS and start there. Maybe someone there can help me get more help and especially see to it that XH pulls his share of taking care of d12. Will DSS help me to get more Child Support even though I agreed not to request more. He only pays $1000 a month for 3 children--His salary is $80K per yr. I now realize he really got off way too easy. I was under stress and depressed when I agreed to everything. do you think I can modify that now?
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
|
|
All you need to do is file for a modificatin requesting that child support is set at the state guidelines and that he is ordered to pay a portion of medical expenses for the kids.
Are the kids in daycare? If so and your state is one that adds childcare onto child support, you will want to provide proof of childcare costs.
Have you looked into how much you would get if the state guidelines were followed?
He will probably fight this. But there's not much he can do to stop child support from being set at guidelines. Unless you let him.
|
orbitlynn
Bronze
Reged: 02/22/08
Posts: 25
Loc: wisconsin
|
|
check into respite care in your area. most states have it it is free and does not go by income. respite care is babysitters especially trained to care for children with disbilities so the parents can have a break.
--------------------
stacylynn
|
ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
|
|
It is summertime... there are kids out of school/college. What town in NC (I live there too and there are resources through the major universities) You should be able to get a regular day "off" I would definately talk to the CSE office and see about modification for child support... and you may even be able to get it life long for your daughter because she is not going to magically be independant at age 18. If school isn;t out, talk to your child's assistant in her class, s/he may be looking for a little supplimental income over the summer, this would give you time to yourself.
Good luck
|
chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
I live in Greenville, home of East Carolina University. The problem is paying for the assistant. Today, I asked XH to take d12 for the summer so I can work. He got PO and said that either I keep her 100% of the time --ALL the time OR He and Korean wife would do that but I would never ever see d12 again nor would I get CS anymore. I love my d12, but I need time to work, build my career because unlike "other woman" I DID NOT STEAL a husband/ father with a good job. I have NO ONE who can support me. I must start over and that is what I am trying to do. It is very hard and sometimes depressing, like tonight. Any suggestions? Many thanks.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
|
|
Get a job. But before you do that, hire someone who is qualified to care for your special needs child. File for a modification of child support to have this childcare added on. Your ex may be pissed, but he's the father and he's not stepping up to the plate. As a result of his actions, your expenses will increase. He should pay for that.
|
ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
|
|
Do you have support through the state? Because CS includes child care.... and at 12 most kids wouldn't need it, but with your situation, you can enforce his support to allow you to work.
Don'r listen to his threats to never allow you to see DD.... it is an empty threat and unless you beat the child you have nothing to worry about.
|
chk
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 7
|
|
I think he just wants to shift 100% of the burden on me. He knows that I would NEVER give her up! Totally!! I just need a break especially this Summer so I can focus on my career. She (d12) has a nurse that comes in for 4 hours per day for bathing, feeding, medications, diapering, etc. I am very grateful, sincerely love her nurses, but how can I work just 4 hours per day. Thank you for all the advice, especially the legalities. I need to do something differently. Perhaps I can get XH to pay for half of CC expenses.It definately won't be easy. But I must.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
