hamsterkitten
New
Reged: 05/29/08
Posts: 2
Loc: Iowa
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I'm so torn. Most days I want a divorce, but on a rare occasion I want things to work. My husband and I met in high school. This August will (if we make it that far) be our 5 year wedding anniversary and 9 years together. We have a 2 year old and a 5 month old.
My biggest complaint with my husband is his temper. He has a short fuse and I don't like that he yells in front of the kids and cusses. He's in therapy now and also takes Celexa. But he still doesn't seem to care when he's mad how he acts.
Things were "okay" before we had kids, but once the kids came, I realized what a bum he was! He doesn't want to do anything but watch tv or mess around on the computer. He has a part time job that he loves, but has no ambition to make more money. I am a senior in college and along with that, I cook, clean, pay the bills, mow, do laundry, garbage, dishes, etc. He has nothing that he does unless he feels guilty. Then, I get up in the middle of the night with the baby.
Anyway, I took antidepressants a few years back and have a hard time feeling emotions. But, I don't usually feel anything for him but anger and I just hold it in. When he picks a fight I try to not say anything and hope he'll calm down- which he doesn't.
He thinks it's all my fault we don't get along and says he's only staying for MY DAUGHTER (and not the 5 month old son cause he stresses him out too much) although he used to say he'd never move out because he doesn't want to have to do all the things I do.
If I had a good paying job and daycare, he'd have been gone a loooooooooong time ago, but since I'm still finishing school I just keep trying to make things work, despite the fact he thinks it's my fault.
Any suggestions? Anyone want to chat. I just feel so alone about this. I don't care right now if we get a divorce, because I think it'd be best for the kids not to see this sham of a marriage.
Oh, and as far as sex goes- he's always harassing me for it and I could care less. I have more important things on my mind...
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"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." - Kurt Cobain
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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If you didn't have kids I'd say dump the bum flat...but children throw a whole different angle on things...
A few questions...does he know you are thinking about divorce? If so, does he believe you are serious about it?
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undecided 72
Gold
Reged: 09/24/07
Posts: 173
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O.K. the positive is that your husband is already in therapy, so he is aware that he is not perfect. That is a big first step, as mentioned previously, you have kids, so you will be linked to this guy no matter what. You can't change him, but since he is in therapy that is a good indication that he desires change in himself. I would suggest you go to therapy with him either with his current therapist, or another. As long as you are considering working on the marriage, you need to take the perspective that it is a shared problem, not just his problem. It is possible that your behavior is unintendingly enabling his, that is something that joint therapy can uncover.
You sound like you're close to the end of the rope, but there is still hope. There is nothing to lose in trying some more here, and if it doesn't work out you won't have doubts about whether you tried hard enough.
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 911
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Finish school then leave his bum a55 and move on! You deserve better than that and so do your kids!
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