lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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I was wondering how this works out, my ex walked out on me, took our son, and I had our daughter. One month later he has a new house, and a new woman living with him who has two children of her own (going through a divorce as well apparently.) through out her divorce, she was deemed as an unfit mother currently battling over that with her ex. 5 months later I end up pregnant, by a different man. SO how does this exactly work out ? My daughter stayed with my ex for 3 months while i didn't have a job, and had no way of supporting myself or my daughter, and he works in the oilfield. I get her back and make a police report seeing that she had two bald spots on her head, and lice (said for 3 months) and a bruise as big as my thumb on her ear. I don't have 3500$ to hire a lawyer. So again, how does that all work out ??
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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I think under Texas law if you are married then you stbx can claim your baby that is due as his even if it isn't. His choice I think. The lice isn't an issue at all. First lice live better in clean her then dirty and it can be very hard to get rid of them. It can take months. The bruise is always questionable but unless you have someone to give a statement as to what happened it isn't even worth bringing up. It is one small bruise. Bald spots can be caused my lots of things including stress. As for the other woman being an unfit mother, that is something most lawers will claim to try and get more in court. It doesn't really mean anything at this point. Adultrery doesn't really mean anything in Texas courts either.
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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Yes, I read all of that in a different thread, what I'm wanting to know more about is that, how does the court justify it ? Technically he was the one to commit adultery by moving this new woman into his house at the second month of separation.. and I'm the one that is pregnant now, and no it's not the stbx's. Thx..
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katiebear22
Silver
Reged: 11/04/06
Posts: 62
Loc: Texas
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It doesn't matter... none of it does. Because Texas is a "no-fault" state, the divorce will be granted regardless, and "community" property will be split. Most stuff would be retro to the date of separation... Your baby is the responsibility of whoever the father is. Do not try to pin that one on your husband because I guarantee you will look like a fool when the paternity test proves it's not his.
Child custody and support are not at all related to whose "fault" it is, and it really won't help your case to talk about him being with someone else now, when you're carrying another man's child.
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"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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lost, I can address paternity issues. Been there, doing that.
STBX is "presumed" father as you are either pregnant during the marriage, or 301 days post divorce. You have two options to take him OUT of that role - litigation to adjudicate the father, or, if he's willing to sign a denial of paternity form, and the bio dad willing to sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity form, you can then submit these to the Bureau of Vital Statistics at the hospital when filling out the birth certificate application, or send with a birth certificate amendment after the child is born.
Denial/Acknowledgement of Paternity forms must be signed in person at a "certified" location. The child support office is an example. They will not send you the form as part of the certification is that you are notified of your options to undo the action, and the timelines for such, as well as what your legal rights and responsibilities are for signing the forms.
Be aware, even if bio dad and you did DNA testing either in-utero (with amnioscentesis), or after the child is born, it's NOT enough to prove paternity without the presumed father's involvement according to the family law code. You either adjudicate, or do the paperwork. In fact, adjudication may require DNA testing if you didn't do it beforehand. Further, there is a list of requirements for a facility that does DNA testing.
Do a google search on Texas Family Law Code and/or the Texas Uniform Parentage Act. The process requirements and certified locations for Denial/Acknowledgement forms is part of the Texas Administrative Code.
It's all there, spelled out in black and white.
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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[quote] Do not try to pin that one on your husband because I guarantee you will look like a fool when the paternity test proves it's not his. [/quote]
Okay I was wondering because he's the one saying he's basically going to use it against ME in court thank you. I'm certainly NOT trying to pin this baby on him I want him to sign the denial of paternity asap, but I haven't told him yet, he just ASSUMES, as to why he assumes I don't know and he hasn't seen me nor any of his family since before i got pregnant I'm 7 months now thanks. I just wanted to know since he thinks it's his ammunition on "adultery" where it would stand if he tried. But it looks as if you are still saying I'm the piece of crap just because i got pregnant 5 months after he walked out on me and my daughter provided, he takes our son. When he had someone else living with him ONE month after. I don't intent on going to court blabbing about what is none of the courts business unless ultimately needed, and I will keep it calm and smooth when if I must answer to it. If something is said about me pregnant 5 months after separation, I will be saying "your honor i was a house wife for 6 years, the man walked out on me, I didn't have a job, I didn't have any support at that point." and leave it at that. Every freaking lawyer I've talked to says I have a strong case and quite of few them say I'm an open book, and I certainly don't offer more information than is needed, IMPO... that is a fact, not "information." so...
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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Thanks faith4two, it was your post I read in the first place, and you seem to be paying attention to what I'm saying beside thinking I'm a piece of crap.
The bio father is all willing to sign the paper for his baby, and I really have no doubts that the stbx will sign the denial. Thanks for the inner information, and processes. Like i said last time i talked to the stbx (and haven't since then because he cussed me out like a dog which is recorded on a micro recorder) accused me of being pregnant when he had no ideas. Like it was some sort of ammunition for him in court. So trying to find out where I was standing in that situation if it was brought up, because I'm not a lawyer I don't know how it looks in the eyes of a judge when it's blurted out "she got pregnant by another man!!!" when he had another woman moved in with him a month after the separation. If it all came down to it, the stbx's sister in law at one point out right told me if I needed to bring her into court, she would be on my side, but I don't plan on anything like that going down, she also is the one who contacted ME due to my babies teling me " you need to get your daughter at the very least she's had lice for 3 months he hasn't taken her to the dr. and she's always dirty never has clean clothes on." I told her about the bruise on my daughters ear, and she outright told me, that my son has been having them on his ear as well (3 as a matter of fact to her recollection) CPS was also called on my son on the behalf of the school he was enrolled into, because he kept "having accidents" on himself, and my son was fully potty trained at 3 yrs old knew how to say potty and the works, and apparently, if after 9 months of being in school the school then decides to call CPS on the stbx then what happened? They don't just outright call CPS for nothing in those cases, the childs parents are notifies first, I know and the sister in law knows BECAUSE her son had the same problem, and she was contacted more than just ONCE for the incident, and they never called CPS on her for it either,I'm told to leave this all at the door, but this isn't anger, this is plain and simple fact. if anyone starts with the "he said she said, he did she did" it will be my stbx. Not me, my whole state of mind is " go in get it done we argued enough during the marriage, why keep prolonging it especially when this man thinks he's an innocent angel." Which IMHO, thats why he ran out and got a lawyer because he knows he would, and would be shot down in an instant, and I'm sure with everything he says, his lawyer is telling him to shut up, and let the lawyer handle it. I talk to his lawyer more than he does, I am the one who gives the lawyer the information, and I'm the one his lawyer contacts when he needs information about the children. Now, doesn't that just paint a lovely picture. My only concern about the whole thing is that, STBX's lawyer is an EX judge of a small town/county, who knows all the judges on the golf course.
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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a question about the community property since it has been brought up, He let his truck go back, I let my truck go back, I had a mustang prior to marriage, which was sold because i had no money, there was 2 boats and 3 motorcycles, the verbal agreement between me and him was i get the two boats he gets the 3 motorcycles. I had to sell a boat, for money, and I will most likely have to sell the other boat for money. the only thing there is now, is the house, and I get ALL the letters for it because they can't contact him even though I have given the loan company the address and phone number to the stbx I still get letters. It was foreclosed on, last letter I got stated that the house would be auctioned off last year during november. So what "community property" is there left ? I have a house now that I was lucky enough to run into the deal, and it isn't in my name on the sole fact that I was told he could reclaim it as "community property" but i find that to be completely absurd considering he has a new and better house than I do, and I could turn around and do it to him as well. SO what else would fall under the "community property" ? I already gave him the pictures that belong to his grandmother, I split all of our pictures of our children, and any pictures of him or his family within that picture, his grandmother gave me a ring when we first married because he didn't have any money to get me one, that was returned. His father broke into our house the night that my stbx left *thankfully I called family and they came and got me asap, basically demanded that I get out of the house* whom stole air looms of my mother who had passed away two months ago that was to go to my son and daughter, and completely trashed the house while robbing it. Seeing as all the credit cards were in his name and I was an addition to them, and I couldn't ever talk to anyone without his "permission" or knowing his ss#. That is a responsiblity on his part not mine, btw I shredded them all the second day after he walked out on me. and none of them had more of a credit line than 250 *deletes rant* ... so what other community property is there ? or would be considered ?
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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I do not see any real community property wearth dealing with. When did he get the house he is in now and is it in his name? The stuff that you had before you married or you recieved from relatives is yours and always will be. Can you prove those things (pictures)? If so, you might be able to get those things back or at least some compinsation for them. My suggestion for the boat is to sell it. If you hold on to it another couple months the boat season will be over and the value will go way down. If you wait until next spring to list it then you will have to store it and prep it for winter (even in the south). Then you will have to spend more money to clean and get it running to sell it.
One thing that neither of you should have done was let the house go into auction. You both should have deeded the house back to the lender. You wouldn't get to keep the house but at least your credit score wouldn't be so bad.
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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He wasn't cooperative with the house, and I couldn't afford to pick up the 700 payments on it being a housewife and no job at that time, and it was already behind because he put the payment off to buy a lil "travel trailor" you put onto the back of a truck for when he was "out of town working" and they kept coming after me over it because they said they couldn't get a hold on him. Yes I have pictures of what was mine and what I didn't have pictures of my brother can vouch for me saying that it was mine before we married. He tried to get my car but I had already sold it and told his lawyer when he brought it up, "it was mine before the marriage." and the lawyer just said "oh okay what about the boat." and I told him that the verbal agreement was that he got the 3 motorcycles I got the boats, and it was left at that.
I don't know if the house he is in now is in his name, and he got it after he left me like maybe 2 weeks after. There was some other stuff that his dad stole that I didn't get back that was my mothers jewelery, and the new quarters collection that she had been saving for my son it was full to the year 2006, and the video camera that his dad stole from the house, even though he got it back for me, had the tape in it with his dad on it, saying " oh yeah it's good nothing wrong with it." etc.. but I don't know if I can have my stbx reimburse me for such things since it was his dad.
>>>edit<< as for the boat, I plan on keeping it, and it's still winterized, my parents used to own a boat business so I know about it. But if I could sell it for 4k or 5k I most likely would so I could get out of the money slump, I sold the car for "junk" just to pay a freaking light bill and have food.
Edited by lostlogics (06/04/08 03:32 PM)
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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Sounds like your in good hands with the boat. If you were not divorced before he got the house and it is in his name them 1/2 of it could be yours. If he is renting then 1/2 the down payment could be yours. You can get the address for the house and go to the county court house and find out who's name it is in. Ask one of the clerks to help pull the deed to the house.
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katiebear22
Silver
Reged: 11/04/06
Posts: 62
Loc: Texas
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And I would like to add that no one insinuated anything about your personal character. We have all been through (and many still going through) our own things here... Not everyone will agree with you, yet chances are you will find someone who does even when there are those that don't. I was unclear why you were asking about your unborn child, so I simply included my opinion... of course that would have been different had I known that your situation didn't warrant that.
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"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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[quote]And I would like to add that no one insinuated anything about your personal character. We have all been through (and many still going through) our own things here... Not everyone will agree with you, yet chances are you will find someone who does even when there are those that don't. I was unclear why you were asking about your unborn child, so I simply included my opinion... of course that would have been different had I known that your situation didn't warrant that. [/quote]
I was asking about the adultery of him haveing a woman moved into a house at month after seperation, and me pregnant at 5 months after the seperation. as to how justice would be weighed. Because he accused me of being pregnant when he doesn't know anything at all like it was "pure gold" for him during court. But since Tx, is a no fault state it shouldn't matter either way. It's good to read sometimes..
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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[quote]Sounds like your in good hands with the boat. If you were not divorced before he got the house and it is in his name them 1/2 of it could be yours. If he is renting then 1/2 the down payment could be yours. You can get the address for the house and go to the county court house and find out who's name it is in. Ask one of the clerks to help pull the deed to the house. [/quote]
I have a feeling he put the house into his new girlfriends name, or his mothers. He is the one who has the lawyer. I'm the one doing all the homework and studying up because every lawyer i have talked to wants to up the price once they find out about his lawyer. I'm going to try pro bono again after the baby is born, last time I tried the woman said he wouldn't take my cause because I wasn't battered >.< one more question does common law time matter in court ? Because there was one arrest on him for family violence during that period but no marriage cert. the marriage cert. came about 8 months later.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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Yea I was with Kat on that but I just bit my tounge. I wasn't sure what you were getting at. In your case commen law will count. How did he get the money for the house? Remember half of all moneys is yours but so are the depts.
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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No one is a piece of crap here. Some people, when trying to relate, feel their own pain and/or conviction a little stronger than others.
A poster, I think it was BillWebb, said something that really hit home for me - you're either here for validation or forgiveness. I thought that was a profound thought...
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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He works in the oilfield and makes very good money, he has no money issues besides the fact he doesn't know how to maintain it, he's always had someone take care of him being it his mother, grandmother or girlfriend. Many times I felt more like a personal accountant than anything. I do realize half of his debts are mine. With knowing that the common law will count, I think I will try the pro bono again on those grounds. He had a PR bond for that and hauled off to north carolina until his family paid his debt on that round. I don't know what else he's been racking up on since I wont talk to him anymore, and it sounds like I can't get around it even thought we've haven't lived together for 11 months. Amazing if he wanted to get this woman pregnant she would have no problem putting his name on her childs birth certificate (if the case were to arise), but yet I get pregnant and I need his "denial" of paternity, to put the real fathers name on it.
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lostlogics
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 20
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*shrugs* On that note I suppose it's for validation, as for I didn't do anything wrong for forgiveness. I'm an emotionless blob for this man. But IMHO I don't think so either, I've had a couple lawyers tell me I am an open book. Because the first thing that comes to my mind is, "get the facts out, then sit around and explain my "justifications of anger" I guess I'll put it that way. Which is why I think I'm here to vent, and add just one more story to the board, and see what help I can get from that, as well as maybe helping someone in the future. Some people learn from their mistakes, others learn from other peoples mistakes. This man had me as an emotional blob for 5 1/2 years with all of his mind games, I literally thought I was the complete problem as to why he acted towards me the way he did, even though I handled all finances and was the one to make sure everyone was provided for. He thought his whole role in life was to work and have tons of kudos and be treated like a king for.. THIS ?!? no no, that's being an adult, not doing anything extraordinary. The one thing I learned from this whole experience, is... Never get married. Live together, let the court see it common law, but DO not sign that piece of paper, and DO not change your name on your SS#. The man didn't finally decide to walk out on me until the state forced me to change my name on SS or loose my license, which I have to do some more research on. (I say finally, because I had my suspicions that he was cheating on me while gone to work for 8 to 16 days at a time, but I never had any proof.) I mean, come home 4 hours from the time you should be home, when I know you're comeing home because you tell me you are, and then get on my computer to look at [censored], and singles ad's from the place you're working out of, or on a couple of occasions me wakeing up to hearing a porno playing on TV, oh and the never endless " you're paranoid, you're jealous" Well thank you for that insight mr. know it all, i would say after being gone for 8 days you would come home and wake your wife up who might actually be wanting such a thing for so long. Not to mention you go to a convention for buisness, the first night was told to come up, at 12am, "heck no the kids are sleeping I'm tired, I will come tommorow." just go to the next day and find out there was some "woman" running around the whole hotel they were staying at the night before and you have 25 guys there all talking about while slobbering arse drunk, talk about furious, then I throw the "oh come on pls it's been so long" play, and a shower is needed before I'm touched ??? ... WOW i didn't want to be touched after that display, and he has to wonder why ? Yes well, whatever floats your boat. Not to mention a couple times he called me from his work, DRUNK, and had buddies popping off in the background. I wasn't paying attention to the one in the background because I knew he was drunk, and anyone who's been around drunks, know.. that they just blurt random and stupid stuff off at any given moment, yes okay, but when I *don't* hear something.. and everyone goes quiet for a minute or so, then I start to pay attention, okay time flies, then all of the sudden i hear " no this is *myname*..." and his buddy reply with " but I thought you said you was done with that f-in B*****" WOAH red flag. The second time he did this, I brought up my car that he had bought me(because I didn't have a car that would start if I needed to take the children to the hospital ?(which I had to do twice and call my mother at 11 & 12 at night) she came and got me and let me use her car.) which he drove to work, and I ended up having to borrow my brothers truck!!, to tow it home because "the ubolts are snapped." Well!!! I always did wonder how such a thing could happen when that car was in perfect shape before it left the driveway... OH.. could it be the slip of the tongue of the friend that " NOOO man!! you jumped it off that dirt pile remember !?!?!?" well... I officially think beer has it's purpose in this world. Sorry that is a rant, but... if anyone has any insights as to what I could do with that bit of information in court, I'd appreciate it.
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