thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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I am new here so please forgive me if I say or ask something that has been addressed before.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we have children together. He has been divorced for 12 years from his first wife. Their son is 14 years old. She is also remarried to a gentleman 21 years her senior and very well off.
It was an amicable divorce but she tries to dictate the relationship between father and son (a very long story). Anyhow, she emails me instead of my husband with request (usually for money or to "gather" information. I am one of those step-parents that takes the step back. I honor and respect the fact that she is his mother and my husband is the father. However, I am tired of the emails. I have asked her to email or call my husband. DH has done the same. I do not want to be in the middle of anything. She recently sent me an email concerning my husband paying their son's vacation expenses ($2500). I mean this isn't a vacation he is going on with my husband but rather with his mother and step-father. When I send my usual reply of, please take this up with (husband's name), she gets down right vicious. Am I in the wrong in not responding more to her emails? My husband says the same thing I will respond (and he does) but then she starts the threats against me, our children, going to court etc.
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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What kind of threats does she make?
I think your husband needs to step up to the plate, be a man and lay down the law with his ex, telling her if she needs to talk, she talks to him and him only...
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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Believe me he has put his foot down more than once with her. After that for awhile she will talk directly with him and then before you know she is sending me an email.
Threats: I will call your boss and tell him you are not paying child support (totally untrue).
I mean it is so child like. I mean my husband has been very reasonable in all aspects. He is firm but not mean spirited. She on the other hand can be very mean.
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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You are probably best off to just ignore her...don't take her calls, don't answer her emails, ect. Just let your husband deal with her. If her threats actually start to become harassment, you can deal with her in a legal manner at that point...
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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Block her e-mail address from your e-mail address. You have already told her repeatedly to contact the father. Now prevent her from being able to contact you and put you in the middle. If she calls when your husband isn't there, don't answer.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Believe me he has put his foot down more than once with her. After that for awhile she will talk directly with him and then before you know she is sending me an email.
Threats: I will call your boss and tell him you are not paying child support (totally untrue). [/quote]
An effective response is: Okay, cause me to lose my job and your child support goes down.
Not to mention that if she continues to harass you and follows through with contacting your husband's employer, a restraining order may be called for.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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Unless it is court ordered, your husband is responsible for $0 of the vacation costs.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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Thank you all for the replies.
I did not even think of blocking her email address. Brain freeze, lol!
No, vacation costs are not included in the divorce decree. Two years ago when they went back for a child support review, in which it was increased by a $100, the only other thing changed was the transportation cost (they live very far from us). It used to be my husband was 100% responsible and now she is supposed to cover half the cost (but still does not).
Thanks again!
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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I would just forward the emails to your husband. Don't even read them. Blocking is fine too but you probably don't want to be confrontational with her; she is probably someone who will feed off of that.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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Food for thought....I forward all emails to my husband and it is very obvious that I have when he responds instead of me.
I guess I just do not understand how something can go from amicable (she cheated, she left, she remarried (first)), to mean spirited. Plus, it has been twelve years. Their son was 16 months old when she walked out. Over the past several years she just seems to have more and more issues with my husband. I stay clear of the drama (as much as I can) but hate to see it unfold time and time again.
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Armor
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 438
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There is probably some resentment that has grown over the years on her part about another woman helping raise her child, I think that is pretty normal in step parent situations. That is probably what compels her to interfere and harrass you.
I think about all you can do is continue not to deal with her, and every single time she gets upset about it, your husband needs to re-enforce to her that all issues dealing with the child are between him and her, period. Hopefully she will just give up on it.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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While I agree with you, it would seem that after all this time she would get over it. I do not try to parent her son. I do not even attempt to step into her role. Now when she says I know zero about parenting I do take exception. I mean my husband and I have children together. The ex and her husband have chosen not to have any children. I think that is where the resentment lies. Ex (my hubby)moved on and had more children. She moved on and did not. Stepson is her one and only. Quite sad, because we seem him about twice a year and it seems he really would have liked to have siblings that he could grow up with. But, she make it sounds like being an "only" child is the greatest thing and anyone who has more than one is low class. But, I am getting off topic here. Thanks again for the responses.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Relations with my ex have their ups and downs. My wife supports me by reminding me that fighting is what we do and that I do have choices that I usually don't see when I myself am in the thick of it.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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To make it more obvious that you do not want to be in the middle, when you forward them to your husband I'd cc them back to the biomom as well.
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