mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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It states this exactly:
5/29/2008
Holly,
I want to have the children for summer parenting time from The third Saturday in June to the first Saturday in August every year
Sincerely,
A$$wipe.
**Since when does hand-writing a note and sending it certified make me obligated? Not to mention never before has he asked for our daughter, always for our son only and I have 21 voicemails that all state that he wants visitation of son with no mention of our daughter.
What is he trying to pull now? How am I supposed to respond when there is no court order and all previous court orders state that extended summer parenting time will be mediated by FOC?
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MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 376
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Reply with a certified letter of your own.
Dear A$$wipe,
I want a new BMW and a french manicure this summer.
Sincerely,
Holly
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
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Only response is that per your agreement, there is no scheduled or obligated summer visitations past 2007. State that you are waiting for a meeting to be scheduled for mediation with the FOC to deal with future summer visitations.
Stick to the business like PER the Agreement - nothing else.
Certified is nothing. Send yours back certified as well.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Although he is Mr. A$$wipe he is still Dad to both kids and didn't put offensive woring in his request. What is your problem letting the kids spend some summer vacation with their father? At best they will be happy, at worst they will see Mr. A$$wipe for themselves.
You're not obligated to anything other than the business agreement you signed. You can spend money and litigous time and go through court if that's what you think is best for the kids. Or you can be reasonable, just keep it business, and agree. The court will not refuse him to just spend time with his children.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Although he is Mr. A$$wipe he is still Dad to both kids and didn't put offensive woring in his request.
**Yes, he stopped referring to me as dirty f@cking c@nt when the court didn't look upon that very happily
What is your problem letting the kids spend some summer vacation with their father? At best they will be happy, at worst they will see Mr. A$$wipe for themselves.
**They've already seen a$$wipe for themselves...just ask my daughter who at age 13 was drilled about being a virgin and threatened with being taken to a gynecologist to have her hymen examined to prove that she was lying, or when he dragged her through the house because she didn't get her shoes on fast enough. Or ask my son who was smacked upside the head during the last visit while he was recovering from major sinus surgery, or the time before when he was thrown across the room and into a wall then sent home with a sinus infection, or the time before when he was sick with croup, severe adenoid infection, sinus infection, tonsillitis and his father refused to re-fill his prescription for antibiotics and took him swimming in 60 degree saltwater and then replied when asked why he didn't refill the prescription "I was going to beat him twice a day but since he was sick, I only beat him once a day."
(quote)You're not obligated to anything other than the business agreement you signed. You can spend money and litigous time and go through court if that's what you think is best for the kids. Or you can be reasonable, just keep it business, and agree. The court will not refuse him to just spend time with his children. [/quote]
The reasonable thing is to go through the court to address the matter...that's what the court order states, all future summer parenting time will be mediated through FOC...it's not about spending money as we don't use attorneys for that particular process, what it IS about is keeping my children safe. EVERY visitation has some type of abuse and my ex refuses to follow most of the court orders that are put in place to PROTECT my children. I'm not being unreasonable and I do want my kids to have a good relationship with their father but I want them to have their SAFETY above all else. I'm not scared that he will kill them, but do try and weigh the damage done against the right for him to see his kids. It's a hard thing to balance. I WILL NOT send them without a court order however as then he is not required to send them back.
Do you get it a little better now?
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Although he is Mr. A$$wipe he is still Dad to both kids and didn't put offensive woring in his request. What is your problem letting the kids spend some summer vacation with their father? At best they will be happy, at worst they will see Mr. A$$wipe for themselves.
You're not obligated to anything other than the business agreement you signed. You can spend money and litigous time and go through court if that's what you think is best for the kids. Or you can be reasonable, just keep it business, and agree. The court will not refuse him to just spend time with his children. [/quote]
It is not unreasonable for a mother to want to protect her children from an abusive father.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
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Mistake,
Those of us who try to remember the history didn't need the summary. We know the pain you have gone through and what you have done to protect those kids. Those of us who don't care to try to figure out the picture didn't deserve it the info - they only take what justifies their bitterness anyway.
You know that you need to do this. Let the FOC get this together, your ex doesn't get to dictate it.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Physical abuse should be easy to prove. If the kids will speak up it's a clincher. Have you seen a forensic psych? Doc proof of abuse, report & testimony from psych, motion for supervised visitation, possibly compel him for counseling if he wants to see them again. I can only imagine how terrifying a huge angry man must be to a small child. Have you motioned for RO? Why have you letting this go on? Knowing this IMO I would politely tell him the FOC story while you get your case in order. I would make other appointments for the kids during this summer and insist that less than 30 day notice of summer vacation requests is unreasonable, in mid July of course.
Biter? Yes. But it's more benign than angry.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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"What is he trying to pull now?"
Who knows. I personally wouldn't waste any brain cells on it. And I wouldn't go to the trouble of responding to his letter. Just continue in good faith to try and work out your parenting time dispute.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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You said:
Physical abuse should be easy to prove.
My response:
Really? Physical abuse doesn't always leave marks.
You said:
Why have you letting this go on?
My response:
You may want to read some of her history before making remarks like the above.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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[quote]You said:
Physical abuse should be easy to prove.
My response:
Really? Physical abuse doesn't always leave marks.
You said:
Why have you letting this go on?
My response:
You may want to read some of her history before making remarks like the above. [/quote]
You'd think that it would be easier to prove, if the kids were believed and the marks were visible by the time I got them back, if there were marks in the first place. This is where the frustration comes in...if he has child for several weeks but only leaves scratches, bruises or marks during the first week and doesn't follow court order to bring child to daycare then by the time the child is back they are gone so the proof is gone. There have been several times that there hasn't been any marks left...doesn't mean the abuse didn't happen. There has also been at least one time where an officer refused to look at the scratches and bruises on my daughter and from 1300 miles away I could not do anything other than to make sure my daughter was safe at that very moment.
The children have disclosed the abuse to two family counselors, one who believed them and helped to document it and one who was ex's counselor who told the kids they were lying...the kids have also disclosed it to one police officer who then lectured dad and daughter about better communication and "behaving" without making a proper full report...and the kids have also disclosed it to a CPS worker, which has ended up being their word against his with no outcome as of yet.
He is ordered to continue counseling, whether he does it or not I really don't know. Even if he does, he obviously told a previous counselor that what the kids were stating was a lie...so that's pretty pointless anyhow.
His daughter confronted him and he stated that he would not discuss "discipline" with a child.
He's in denial.
I'm frustrated and just trying to keep the abuse at a minimum since I'm powerless to stop it entirely.
I'm debating between doing nothing in regards to his letter, or replying in the context that Gigi suggested on the other post...
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movingon2
Platinum
Reged: 12/06/07
Posts: 209
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Mistake#2:
he is not worth the price of the certified postage. Ignore him.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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I would go with Gigi's suggestion.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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"ex's counselor who told the kids they were lying...the kids have also disclosed it to one police officer who then lectured dad and daughter about better communication and "behaving" without making a proper full report...and the kids have also disclosed it to a CPS worker, which has ended up being their word against his with no outcome"
And you wonder why I'm bitter about evil people being able to manipulate this system, the mental health workers and police? I have said it before, the only place you will find justice is in the dictionary. With certain types of people the mafia had better solutions. Your X would be pursuaded to keep his hands to himself if he knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end!
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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[quote] With certain types of people the mafia had better solutions. Your X would be pursuaded to keep his hands to himself if he knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end! [/quote]
He was abused as a child by his father...but he thinks that as long as he isn't punching the kids in the face with a closed fist that anything else he does isn't abuse. Sad isn't it.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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While no one would ever say I was physically abused, the verbal abuse was horrific. It has taken me years to get those tapes out of my head.
I agree abuse doesn't have to leave a physical mark. There are all types.
While I do not know your history, it seems to me unless, it is an official document from the court stating a change in visitation, the certified letter is useless. You could reply that when he gets a law degree and becomes a judge you might listen, lol.
You know what is best for your children. Sounds like he doesn't but wants to execute his rights without going through the proper channels.
I hope your children have a great summer whether they see Dad or not.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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[quote], the verbal abuse was horrific. It has taken me years to get those tapes out of my head.
[/quote]
no KIDDING.
those tapes play loud and clear in my head no matter how much therapy, how many books i read, or how much i try and replace them.
they play and play and play.....
--------------------
taryn.
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