travis
Bronze
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 38
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ok... so i would assume that step parents really have no rights but i am having problems with my ex not letting my wife pick the children up from daycare and bring them to greet me at the airport as i come off the plane.
note
1. that "daycare" is provided in her house by her mother
2. ex says she doesn't have problem with new wife
3. mother of ex (daycare provider) says to wife what a blessing she is and how my daughter speaks highly of her
4. the new wife is only trying to pick the children up on days or times that i have parenting time anyway.
5. after getting off the plane, i go straight to pick them up since they can't come to the airport
obviously there are some personal issues going on but how do i enforce a natural event for a family?
this isn't the only problem we are currently having. i'm about to find myself back in court defending the current parenting plan as the ex is trying to decrease my time (or more acurately - prevent an auto increase based on children getting older) with the arguement that the childrent are not developmentally ready.
anyway... any thoughts? pick my battles?
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 53
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These are always tricky situations. I am a step-parent of ten years now and some things are easier than others.
Like your ex-mil, my husband's ex mil feels the same way about me. She has told my husband (and me) on several occasions that she feels I am a great match for him (and very respectful of her daughter).
Maybe you ex feels it is your responsibility to pick up the children and not your wife's.
My husband's ex "interviewed" me before we got married (engaged at the time). She made it very clear what she wanted my role to be.
Even now when there have been times that it would be much easier for me to pick him up from the airport, my husband finds the way to do so. The ex insists upon it.
Battles will change over the years. Trust me I know. What to keep in mind is too keeps things peaceful for your children. In the end they are the ones that count. I have learned an unhappy mommy can make things miserable for everyone.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3136
Loc: Florida
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Is it a matter of her wanting the extra time with the kids instead of having a step-parent get the time?
Are you flexible in any other matters? Meaning if someone needs a later drop-off or pick-up is it something easily planned or does that never happen or a pain?
Is she paying for the daycare, and are you paying a portion? Would it increase the costs if your wife doesn't pick up the kids?
Is it a control issue or is there a reasonable explanation?
I'm just thinking about reasons WHY your ex would not be willing to work together in the manner of letting your wife pick up kids...
I don't remember any specific times that my ex's wife picked up our son, there were several times that she would drop him off but I wouldn't have a problem with it unless it was interfering or making something more difficult with my family.
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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travis
Bronze
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 38
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it really isn't a matter of extra parenting time for her as she would normally be at work. when i wrote the parenting plan i was specific that the hours from 8AM to 5PM were daycare hours and are available to either parent if possible. Since I travel, I usually don't go into the office on days that I return so I typically pick the children up a couple hours earlier than my scheduled time. All I am asking is that the wife pick them up so they can greet me at the airport. i think it would be a good thing for the kids to experience this again as they have done this during the marriage. note that my ex has offered to bring them to the airport at one point.
i am usually flexible with other matters. for example, i was going to pick the children up early one day but the mother wanted to see the children first so i said i will pick them up later.
the cost of the daycare is not affected by picking the children up early. i pay to the ex half of what it would cost to have the children in a licensed day care even though her mother is wathching the children. with the execption of some weeks where the children are with either me or the ex for vacation or holiday.
personally i think it's a control issue. she's pissed that she has to share the kids with me let alone with another woman. i'm trying to be understanding but it isn't easy when i know the issues have absolutely nothing to do with chldren unless you account for the fact they are missing out something fun with daddy.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4836
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You know, I've had friends with this problem and what was driving it was the grandparent. THe grandparent who was jealous of the kids' time, wanting to not disrupt her own schedule (despite that if she were REALLY a daycare, the parents would be allowed to pickup at ANY time of the day they chose). The grandparent didn't think of it as providing daycare but rather her own parenting time with the kids...
And it got worse when the grandparent heard only her child's point of view about the divorce & new life of the other parent, and took sides & such. And if I remember (it was several years ago), the grandparent ended up funding her child's attorney to fight on that issue.
In the end, my friend figured it out and worked it out with her ex that his mother needed to BACK OFF... and somehow it happened that the grandma was put in her place.
It's interesting how reading this thread brought that situation to mind, because it was a while ago & I only kind of heard things third or forth hand in that situation ... not like it's at the top of my memory banks, you know? So I thought maybe I should mention it... as a possibility. Just something to think about.
Maybe if it's a remote possibility, it would help to work to get Grandma on board with the plan, rather than springing it on her like you would with a normal daycare facility?
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Starion
Gold
Reged: 03/04/08
Posts: 122
Loc: South Florida
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IMHO - this isn't about a steparents right - it's about yours. You have the right to your kids at XX time whatever day that is. How or who picks them up is your decision - not your Ex's.
IMO you tell - not ask - your Ex that your wife will be there at the assigned/agreed time to pick up the kids. She is to hand them over or face the concequences of denying court ordered visitation. She has no right to tell you who is allowed to pick the kids up unless they are a convicted child molester or something. Hand the kids over to your assigned person (which is well within your rights) or face court action. Period.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3234
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[quote]IMHO - this isn't about a steparents right - it's about yours. You have the right to your kids at XX time whatever day that is. How or who picks them up is your decision - not your Ex's.
IMO you tell - not ask - your Ex that your wife will be there at the assigned/agreed time to pick up the kids. She is to hand them over or face the concequences of denying court ordered visitation. She has no right to tell you who is allowed to pick the kids up unless they are a convicted child molester or something. Hand the kids over to your assigned person (which is well within your rights) or face court action. Period. [/quote]
That will only work if it is the correct time (in court orders that have times specifically spelled out, that is). If it is early, then there is no contempt of court.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4836
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[quote]That will only work if it is the correct time (in court orders that have times specifically spelled out, that is). If it is early, then there is no contempt of court[quote]
This is the case here, if you read what the original poster said... so it is not a problem, he should be allowed to have anyone pick up the child as per the decree, but the problem is that the daycare provider (grandma) is not going go let his wife do it (whether she's acting on own and told his ex to tell him that the wife can't pick up the child, or whether she's acting under instructions from his ex, we don't know).
If they were using a third party paid daycare provider, there would be no question but that a parent or the parent's designee could pick up the child whenever they wanted and the daycare provider would never be asked to act as policeman in enforcing provisions of the decree. The only reason this kind of drama is possible is that the grandmother is being allowed to act as daycare provider.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 397
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Why not put the children in a traditional daycare?
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travis
Bronze
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 38
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gigi has the right of it. but the final decree is coming from the ex. i have voiced my opinion to have the children in regular daycare and she is going to fight it.
she has filed a petition to modify support which address several issues one of which is to keep her mother as daycare provider. she has filed the petition based on the fact in the orignial order i get one extra overnight with the children starting May 2008. she's claiming the children aren't ready and is filed the petition to stop the increase in the original parenting plan.
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