sadinpa
New
Reged: 06/03/08
Posts: 4
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Hi everyone - I'm new here and need some advice. I have been separated since August 2007 after 11 years of marriage - I decided to leave my husband and he is still in our house. I tried to keep things amicable at first, but he is a big drinker and started acting erratic, hiding my possessions that were still in the house from me and breaking things. So while he was at work one day, I came in and got my things. You would have thought I cleaned out the house, but I just took what was mine before marriage. He changed the locks on the house and won't let me in.
In the meantime, I'm the only name on the mortgage and am stuck paying 1900/month plus rent for my new place. I earn 100k a year, he earns 25k a year even though he's a college graduate like me.
I want to file for divorce, but he has insisted that he will not give me one, will drag it out, and is entitled to support until the divorce is finalized. PA law says I can move it forward on my own as of August 2009, but I am stuck with this huge mortgage till then. If I file now, I will have to pay him support which will probably be less, but I can't trust him to pay the difference on the mortgage.
I don't know what to do. It seems my hands are tied. Does anyone have any advice - should I file now and be tied to support for an undetermined period, or suck it up till next year then file? He just now called and told me to stay away from "his" house (that I'm paying for) and I suppose I'm all fired up from that, but I don't know what to do. My attorney says to let the house go into foreclosure, but I don't know if I want to ruin my credit.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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Why aren't you filing for a fault divorce now and asking for immediate relief as to the disposition of the marital home ? A court can order the property sold . One of the fault grounds in PA is :
The court may grant a divorce to the innocent and injured spouse whenever it is judged that the other spouse has: Offered such indignities to the innocent and injured spouse as to render that spouse's condition intolerable and life burdensome.
With the income difference it's likely SS may be ordered but it could be less than what you are already paying .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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sadinpa
New
Reged: 06/03/08
Posts: 4
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Would he be able to counterfile fault back at me? He could sort of say the same thing since I made him close his loser business and get a job and he was "stressed" that I made him do so. Or does the person that files get to say whether it's fault or not? My lawyer didn't suggest this, said most divorces in PA are no fault and very few people file fault.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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First of all, he can't keep you out of the house without a court order. You can call a locksmith and get a new key to the house. If you don't file now, any debt that he is charging up is joint debt. File for divorce to protect your assets and to set a time line for debt before the divorce was filed and after.
Right now, he can sell any asset that he wants and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it.
Also, if there is a risk of him damaging the house (the fact that he's breaking things tells me there is), I would move back in(he can't stop you without a court order) and ask the courts for exclusive possession of the house.
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bluenote
Silver
Reged: 12/11/07
Posts: 79
Loc: Murrieta, CA
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If your hubby acts too crazy or threatens you - get a TRO on him and have him put out!
(In Cali) My STBX and I both are still living in the same house while our D is moving forward. I cannot make her leave anymore than she can make me leave.
You file first!
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Beat-Down
Platinum
Reged: 08/20/07
Posts: 223
Loc: Texas
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Are you locked into a lease on the new place? Are you sure that you want a divorce and there is no possible reconsilation? If so then got to an attorney and file for the divorce. Let the court set temporary orders so that he can’t sale, destroy, abuse, etc… If you do file for divorce talk to your attorney about the TRO. Explain to the attorney that you fear that he will not keep up with the mortgage and you are afraid to stay in the home with him. You may be able to stay in the home until the divorce is final. The court will most likely order you to pay spousal support of some sort because of the income differential.
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Don't stop until it sounds expensive!
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Beat-Down
Platinum
Reged: 08/20/07
Posts: 223
Loc: Texas
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Sorry I kinda jumped the gun there.
HELLO and welcome to the site!!!!!
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Don't stop until it sounds expensive!
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ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 145
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Don't assume you will have to pay SS. Prior to my divorce I made $135K and he made $22K. I stayed in the home with the kids, paid the mortgage and all other bills and had an order of protection against him (He was and still is a mentally ill drug addict.) I never paid him temp support and he agreed to no SS after the divorce (he was desperate for the equity from the home out of the settlement.)
If your STBX has a college education but makes so much less, they could have his income imputed higher. Has he ever made more? Is he purposely keeping his income lower?
The other posters are correct in that you could go to your home today, force your way in and start living there again and there isn't a thing he could do about it. However you really should have filed for divorce by now. That needs to happen ASAP.
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sadinpa
New
Reged: 06/03/08
Posts: 4
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Everyone, thank you for all the valuable advice. I will revisit with my attorney the option of filing now. The only thing that gives me pause is that he doesn't want the divorce and will refuse to sign the papers. I know that if I can just hang in there another year or so, I can move the divorce forward without his signature.
I can't move back in the house, he would make my life hell. I am lucky in that I can afford (barely) to pay the mortgage plus my rent. We have no children, so I may very well end up paying alimony. He has never made that much, he chooses to work at low paying jobs although he doesn't have to. He also stands to inherit half a million when his mom dies - I don't know if that would factor into anything unless she were to die before we divided the assets.
Divorce really IS hell. Or at the very least, a real pain in the ass.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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You are establishing a status quo that says that you can pay alimony by paying for both places. Move back in, If he assaults you , call the police and get a restraining order.
Which means you get the house. And he has to find somewhere else to live. And he will have to file for support to get you to pay anything.
Right now, if you stop paying, your credit is wrecked.
If you choose not to do this, then only pay the mortgage and any credit cards that are in your name only. Let him pay for everything else.
One thing to keep in mind is that any debt that he incurs before you file for divorce will be considered joint debt. Which means that if he charges $30,000 on a credit card if you decide to wait a year to file, you are on the hook for that.
As for his being willingly underemployed, you can ask that income is imputed to him based on his college degree and what people with that type of degree make in the area that you live.
And if you do get stuck with alimony (which is likely with the huge discrepancy in income), I would try to make it a condition that should he get that inheritance it stops, has a time limit and that co-habitation (with either gender, roommates count)/remarriage means that it ends. And if he doesn't disclose when it happens and you continue to pay alimony as a result, you will be reimbursed what you paid as soon as you prove when he either inherited the money, acquired a room-mate or remarried.
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