thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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Last evening my husband's ex wife called. She said that their son asked if he could be adopted by his step-dad. In fact, according to her, he has been asking for seven years now. Wow. My husband's heart sank. He said he wanted to talk to his son. Their son was not home.
This morning my husband received an email from his son. It basically said how he never felt like his son (another dagger to my dh's heart), and he really wanted to be a (step-father's last name) than a (our last name).
Then her attorney called my husband at work. He said they were in the process of filing the appropriate paperwork and asked if my husband would be consenting to the adoption. My husband said he just found out and would like to talk with our attorney and his son before moving forward. (not that my husband is even considering terminating his rights).
The ex sends my husband an email saying she hopes he will comply with their son's wishes. Furthermore, he won't be totally removed from son's life as we are still required to pay child support (what a mean-spirited thing to say).
The drama goes on:(!
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1281
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I thought if the step-dad adopts the son, you are released from CS. If the father relinquishes his parental rights, the right of CS to the bio mom also goes away. You can't have your cake and eat it too!
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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I do not know. My husband has a call into the attorney. She also said his last name would not change in the process unless my husband agreed to that is well. I mean we live a great distance from him but contact has always been there. He has never mentioned it to my husband. Not sure why now he, her, they, want to just take my husband out of the equation.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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The other thing I want to add is my husband is a terrific father. He has done everything he can to keep the visitation going, calls, emails etc. But, I feel the mom and step-dad have had much influence over him. Step-Dad has no bio children and they cannot have any (never heard why).
I could understand this if my husband just shut himself out of his son's life. If he did not pay child support. If he just did not care.
Right now all I can do is support and love my husband. He is hurting.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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Ouch. That would kill me. I don't believe he'd be responsible for CS if he were adopted, but I'm sure at this point that's the last thing on his mind.
--------------------
Damn it's good to laugh again.
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hispoohbear
Bronze
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 47
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I have a friend going through something like this. His lawyer told him that he will be released from child support, but that since he has had a lot of contact with the kids the court won't make him stop seeing them. Too disruptive to the kids for him to be jerked away. He has not gone to court yet, so nothing is for sure.
How old is his son? I find it a little suspect that the boy has not spoken this to dad directly. My SD is the kind of kid who will tell each parent what she thinks they want to hear, even if it is not necessarily true. SHe is desparate to please everyone. This may be the case here. Also, if his son thinks he is old enough to make this kind of decision, he needs to be old enough to sit down and have a face to face conversation with his dad. That way he can see the pain his decision is causing. He needs to know how his actions affect others. THis conversation needs to be alone, with out mom present. This may be the only way your husband can feel like he gains the truth of the matter.
You are doing the right thing. Just keep supporting your husband the best you can.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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He is 14. My husband and his ex separated when he was only 16 months old. So he doesn't remember living with Dad only with step-dad (who has been married to his mom since he was 2.5 years old).
I have wondered if she sent the email just to "push" my husband along their line of thinking.
My husband is going to make the long flight to see him this weekend to have a heart to heart. The ex is upset dh is doing this.
Truth be told I have never witnessed my husband and step-son having more than superficial conversations. Granted, they have one on visits as well. So, maybe my step-son felt he could not bring the subject up.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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Chances are that your stepson didn't say he wanted to be adopted by his stepdad. Or they would have had him talk to your husband.
Your husband does not have to sign any adoption papers. Unless his ex can prove him unfit, she's not going to be able to terminate his parental rights.
As for the child support, if the stepfather adopts your stepson, then there isn't any. By adopting his stepson, the stepfather takes on the financial obligation. If your husband decides to let the stepfather adopt his son, then he should make it clear that there will be no child support.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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That is what my husband and I think as well. I mean they talked last Wednesday and the child never mentioned it.
But, what would be the motive for trying to terminate my husband's parental rights? I just do not understand.
She always complains that the amount of child support that is sent is not enough to raise him properly.
Anyhow, she says if my husband contest she will continue to drag him in and out of court until he agrees.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]That is what my husband and I think as well. I mean they talked last Wednesday and the child never mentioned it.
But, what would be the motive for trying to terminate my husband's parental rights? I just do not understand.
She always complains that the amount of child support that is sent is not enough to raise him properly.
Anyhow, she says if my husband contest she will continue to drag him in and out of court until he agrees. [/quote]
All he has to do is tell his ex that if her husband adopts his son, then she isn't getting child support from him anymore as legally, he will no longer be responsible for financially supporting a child who is no longer his son.
If she keeps dragging him in and out of court, he can ask that she pays his legal fees for doing so. If her actions are viewed as frivolous, he just may get that request.
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