KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Her's are empty threats. Parental rights are sacrosanct. All he has to do to prevent adoption is withhold his signature. There is no court battle to be fought on this. The answer is a simple "No."
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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DH spoke with the attorney. You are correct. My husband is under no obligation to sign the papers.
Update: Step-son called my husband last night. A very difficult call to say the least. He does want to be adopted by his step-dad. He told my husband that he loves him, and that he wants to stay in contact. But, he never gave my husband a valid reason as to why he wants to be adopted by step-dad. My husband explained what it would mean if he signed the papers. Step-son said this would make him happy.
I guess this has been "brewing" for sometime now. I mean, my husband only sees six weeks every year. They talk just about every week, email and such. But, the bond he has developed with his step-dad, who is there day in and day out, is different than the bond he has with my husband.
Step-dad seems to take his step-parent role very seriously. step-dad is 58 years old and makes around $450k a year. Our household income is less than that. So, I wonder if he is attracted to the money and the material things his step-dad can give him vs. the material things my husband can give him.
Life is hard!
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2210
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I wouldn't give my children up for any amount of money. Six weeks a years, but constant contact from a distance, is a significant parent. Do not relinquish your rights. Explain to the child that you understand what they want, but you love them far too much to ever walk away from them, and you can't legally give them up. If I got the same offer you did, it would probably motivate me to move closer to them, and dedicate more time to parenting.
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MommyButterfly
Bronze
Reged: 02/22/08
Posts: 33
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I can tell you from a child whose step-dad did adopt her, that contact with your husband is still viable. I did spend summers (when older and money was available) with my dad (bio-dad) and he even came to visit sometimes and stayed in a camper in the yard. I feel extremely lucky to been blessed with not only one loving father but 2. I love my Dad (step-dad) and have a close relationship with him.
But once the adoption papers were signed, child support ended. It might come down to having the son talk with the judge-I know that my brothers had too, because the judge wanted to make sure that they knew what was happening and the oldest was about your step-son's age.
I hope this gives a little information from that child point of view.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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Thanks mommybutterfly. My husband wants him to be happy. Step-son called again this am asking my husband not to contest it. My husband even said I do not feel right about doing this. You are my son and I love you (and he added that if step-son did not want to come this summer he would understand).
My husband cannot move at this time. But, he is very involved despite the ex trying to push him out. He flew to his middle school graduation last year. He has gone to where they live to catch sports events, he talks with his son's teachers and more. He is involved. As I said before, since step-son was 2.5 years old he has lived with his step-dad. She portrays my husband as the playmate or the babysitter. We've learned over the years that we are responsible for our own words and behaviors and we not control others. Despite years of going to court, talking to her, etc, she is the way she is. We are below her and why in the world would she want her son around that. Okay so we are middle class. Whats wrong with that? Nothing, but sadly, in step-son's eyes everything.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
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As I read all of this, I am thinking that this woman wants to give her son his last name, but wants you to be the biological dad that pays.
Do you have a mediation agreement in the divorce agreement? Can you insist on mediation between all three parties?
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1281
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Please don't assume that "just because you're middle class" is why he wants this adoption. There could be a number of reasons besides that.
Does their family have more kids and maybe he wants to feel "equal" to them in his step-dad's eyes. Maybe SS doesn't like calling his step-dad "my step-dad" to his friends and wants to call him "my dad". Kids view things quite differently than adults. Maybe your husband could tell his son that he doesn't mind him calling his step-dad "dad" if it would make him feel better. A signed legal document isn't necessary for that.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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My husband and I have four children together. This is my first marriage. It was also the first marriage for my husband's ex's husband. So, they do not have kids. He constantly tells my husband he hates to be around the "babies." So, my husband arrange things for him and step-son to do without any tag-a-longs.
A few years ago he did ask my husband if he could call his step-dad, Dad instead of by his first name. My husband did not have a problem with it (and then he started calling my husband by his first name-hubby put a stop to that).
Step-son is very critical of what we do not have (an in ground swimming pool, housekeeper etc). I understand to a child material things matter, but, I would hope he sees just how much his dad loves him.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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Just an update: Stepson called my husband at lunch and asked him to forget the whole thing. But, if he did not have to come for a visit summer would that be okay.
He did say that he loves his step-dad and feels like he connects more with him.
My husband fears though this is not a dead issue.
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thesecondwife
Silver
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 54
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"Sigh" I just wanted to thanks all those who responded. The ex emailed my dh that all step-son has talked about his step-dad adopting him but now changes his mind. As she put it...go figure he is a teenager.
Needless to say my husband is still going to see him over the weekend. He thinks they need a face to face.
Thanks again...
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