I should have requested that the ex take some classes and then be monitored or observed with the kids before allowing him to have them on his own. Its something I felt always needed anyways but I dont know. Maybe I was just soo burned out when the time finally came that I just wanted it over with and it didnt get put in.
If you truely feel the ex needs supplemental classes or something along that lines where it concerns the kids...get it in the decree. Its a waste of time to try and get it afterwards.
Also, I thought about the overnights thing but its soo well known that its not really enforceable anyways. It would have made my ex more determined to break it had I put it in there.
-------------------- "A man must not deny his manifest abilities, for that is to evade his obligations." ~W.F.~
The thing that sticks most in my mind right now is birthdays. 1. Parents birthdays-do they go to the parent on that parents birthday? For how long? Over night? What happens if the birthday is on a weekday or weekend? 2. Child's birthday-Who holds the party? What about the actual day? My advice-do not commit to a joint birthday party. When my husband and his ex filled out the new parenting plan, it seemed okay at the time. Fast forward 10 months to the actual birthday and we are fighting with her. I don't want her in my house, so now we have to have it somewhere (more expensive). Next year, (still not getting along albeit for a different reason) she wants to have it at her house. I don't want to be in her house, so we try to arrange it so we would not go to stepdaughters big party, but have a small family dinner at home on our next weekend. Ex did not want to give up being able to horn into our party plans the next year, so she had it at a park. Then we had to go and stand around with her and her friends. Plus you don't want the kids to end up with 2 big parties and the parents trying to out do each other every year. 3. Other family member birthdays-grandparents? other siblings?
Just remember that every thing you want for yourself, the other parent will get too. Someone once said on here, to reverse what you are asking for (he gets what you want for you and you get what you want to give him), and see if you would sign on the dotted line. I thought that was excellent advice that in most cases (no abuse, drug use, etc.) would benefit the children greatly. Good luck!!
I have no overnight stays by members of the opposit sex that are not related by blood or marriage when the childrn are present in my decree. So it can and is done, if more people stood up for their morals and held people actually accountable for their actions maybe there wouldnt be half the divorces going on.
The question would you sign this agreement if the roles were reversed is a very good one to ask yourself.
Have you thought about what kind of custody plans you would like to have in place? Think outside the box, every other weekend is not a parent its a big brother or sister. It will also alienate the ncp from the children, this is another problem in most cases. If you expect your stbx to be supportive of the children then they have to be significant in their lives; this is not done every other weekend. Our plan is week on week off, some have balked at such an idea but has been working for the past 10 months so until something breaks I aint fixing it.
College expenses? Who will carry the children on their insurance? Who will claim the kids on taxes? Who will pay out of pocket medical and dental expenses? Who will pay for school supplies and what does that cover? Who will pay for activties outside of school and who gets to decide what they can and can't do? Highly suggest every other year on the kids birthdays (see the above poster for why), in the event you are getting along fine with the ex you can always attend the parties otherwise its best to spell it out. Mediate before litigate is pretty standard now and is infinately better for the children benifit being considered.
Just some ideas, there is nothing to far out there as long as you both agree.
-------------------- Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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