leesie
Bronze
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 27
Loc: Wisconsin
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Im flying out next week to see my children, and I was told that I would be able to take the kids back with me. But now he is claiming that since he has petitioned the courts for sole custody that I cant take them (even though the tickets are already purchased) and if I fly out to see them, He will do everything in his power to keep me from seeing them.
Thats not legal, is it? I cant get ahold of my atty since she is on vacation until friday, and Im panicing because I bought these tickets, and I want to see my kids! Its not like at the end of the summer I can withold the kids from him! Thats illegal, so why can he think he can do it to me? The only order we have is one that states we have joint custody of our eldest... but our younger child there is no order for...
Help!
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I can't live within you-- David Bowie
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 876
Loc: NJ
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would think that normally, a parent can't withhold children unless there is a court order stating that they have a right to. Some of the other members might have more insight into this. I just hope everything works out for you. Anxiety is a b!tch to handle.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4839
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OK, how is there a court order for the oldest but not the youngest and how is it that you're so far away from him & then that it takes a flight to get to see them? Was there a final divorce decree? Is this a temporary order? Is your move away pretty recent?
Were there any agreements between you & him in writing about what time you were to get?
OK... with the oldest, since there's a parenting plan, he can't change it without court order or your agreement. If the plan said you were to have the child for the summer, then that's it, he has to give the kid to you. Take a copy of the parenting plan with you when you go to pick up the kids.
If there were any changes to the plan or written agreements (even in e-mails from him) that he was going to let you have them for the summer, then you can try to enforce that.
Finally, maybe the way to go abotu this is to appeal to his parenting instincts about what is best for the kids... to spend time with you since they'v enot seen you in a while. If he has it in writing that you'll return them at the appropriate time... maybe it'll be OK. Have you asked him exactly what his concern is about them spending the summer with their mother? Maybe he just thinks they shoudl go to camp with thier school buddies and maybe you can find a way to negotiate that for them to be able to participate.
if it's just that he doesn't want you to ever see them again just because you moved away, it'll look really bad for him. The courts recognize that kids need both parents, and the refusal to negotiate a reasonable solution will look really wrong.
Good luck and let us know how this works out.
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leesie
Bronze
Reged: 05/28/08
Posts: 27
Loc: Wisconsin
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Well, sadly, I am a foolish woman. You see, my ex and I had a baby, (unmarried) and we raised her together until she was two. Then, I finally left (as he was physically abusive) and we had a long drawn out knock out of a fight which resulted in me having primary placement, and a restraining order on him until our daughhter was 4. Well, my ex went through court ordered anger management, and when he could talk to me again, he used our daughter as a reason why we should "Give it one more shot". And me, being foolish, young, and stupid, agreed. We got back together, he immediately wanted a baby.. and I became pregnant within the year. Then, all the old habits began to set it, and he hit me-- once-- and I was out the door, 8 weeks pregnant. We have had shared placement of our eldest per court order, but our youngest, we have just followed the same rules .... we wouldn't seperate the children. 8 months of sharing both children, and I get an oppertunity to move and take a scholarship at a great school across country (this is for grad school mind you, and scholarships for my line of study are rare and few and far between), and my hubby got a job offer so I wouldnt be alone. I asked the ex if I could take the kids, he said "yes" and the day I am ready to go... he refuses. He says he changed his mind, and wants the school year to be done. I said that was fine, it was only for about a month. We agreed that I would come back to see them (And I have, twice).
And now this. Im in a precarious situation... I have to admit, I am in an odd place. My ex is a good father, despite being a terrible partner. I dont want to just go out there and snatch the kids, but at the same time, I dont want to not see my children. He has pettioned the courts to have sole custody and placement, which I am terrified of him getting. If he is so resentful of me, how can he be trusted to uphold a court order?
I know this is all very personal and likely tmi, but it give you a better insight to the situation.
*And for the record, while I have been gone 6 weeks, I have flown back twice, now planning my third trip for next week. I also have dished out 1500 to him for CS, and spent an additional 500 on the kids clothes/food/diapers etc. when I was out there. I even went as far to pay his cell phone bill because he claimed he was going to get it turned off-- And Its my only way of contanting my eldest everyday to talk. So I didnt just dissapear*
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I can't live within you-- David Bowie
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2126
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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whatever court order there is stands.
i am Sorry.
If you didnt have a court order to move and take the kids then i dont think you CAN take them.
on the flip side if HE doesnt have a court order to KEEP them when he is i dont think HE can withhold them.
wow.
you'd almost have ot move back and 'redo' this,
keeping your court order in place until you get a new one.
this is a little bit confusing....
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taryn.
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