ImJenJen2
New
Reged: 06/05/08
Posts: 4
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Perhaps I just can't see the forest for the trees! I could really use other people's input, advice, experience...
Slowly but surely all of the clothes that I buy wind up finding their way to his house and the clothing he sends back with her is stained, worn, and too small. I absolutely want her to feel that she is free to take her belongings(toys, clothes, movies, etc...) with her, since they are HER things, but am having a tough time outfitting two closets! I'm reluctant to tell her to bring back the clothes that she wears over there, as I don't want her to feel that she isn't free to take her things back & forth, and more importantly, I don't want to place her in the middle of her dad & I. I have tried talking to him about this, but he simply denies what he's doing and then accuses ME of holding onto the clothes HE sends over. I can't send her to school in the clothes that he sends back, and yet when I buy her stuff, he holds onto it!
I'm at a loss about what to do... Any suggestions???
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
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Simple, do not send clothes. Simply send an email stating that you have repeatedly sent clothes that were not returned. Given that he now has enough clothes, you will not be sending anything.
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ImJenJen2
New
Reged: 06/05/08
Posts: 4
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Thanks for the reply Jersey Girl!
The clothes that I am not getting back are the clothes that she is wearing when she goes over to his house. He picks her up from school and I can't send her to school in the clothes that HE sends back (stained, too small, etc...)
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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The solution is simple, send her in just the stained and worn clothes that he sends her home in. Don't provide him with clothes anymore. If he can't return them, then he can buy his own. If he complains, tell him that when he returns the good clothes that he has kept you will consider giving him another chance.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Thanks for the reply Jersey Girl!
The clothes that I am not getting back are the clothes that she is wearing when she goes over to his house. He picks her up from school and I can't send her to school in the clothes that HE sends back (stained, too small, etc...) [/quote]
How old is she? If she's old enough, she can be responsible for packing her clothes when it comes time for her to come home.
Perhaps having to wear the clothes that her father sends her home in to school will be enough to remind her that she needs to be more careful with her clothes. If she's too young, then there's not much you can do other than send her to school in clothes that she is almost ready to outgrow or that are borderline unwearable. And no overnight bag.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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A year is to long. She's eight and old enough to keep up with her cloths without putting her int he middle. Mine is eight and she has to do it because I'm in the same boat you are. She's gotta start sometime anyway. To bad he picks her up from school. I would suggest changing that if you can.
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ttina
Platinum
Reged: 02/28/08
Posts: 398
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If he is worried about you keeping "his" clothes, just ask him to send her back in what she wore to school on Friday. This is what DH and his ex do. It works out fine for the most part.... sometimes there is crossover when biomom sends them back and if it were warm on Friday and cool on Monday they have a sweater from her home. We just wash and send back.
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Down
Platinum
Reged: 12/19/06
Posts: 464
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I am sorry that you are dealing with this. The only thing that has worked for me is to buy extra clothes for the kids to wear at their dad's house. I have 3 kids & they stay with him about 9 days out of the month so it saved me the headache of transporting clothes back & forth. Of course it's expensive but I shop at Wal-Mart & Target & such to try to keep the costs down.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3058
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now that summer is here..send her in old stuff and ask her to start bringing a few things back home. Don't make a big issue out of it or tell her you want to wash and hang them up in time for the next school year. A few items each time might work. How many days at each visit is she there?
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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"He picks her up from school and I can't send her to school in the clothes that HE sends back (stained, too small, etc...)"
My daughters are now old enough to manage their stuff. If they can't find something to wear, we problem solve it together. I admit I've gone into these conversations thinking the good stuff was being hoarded at mom's house. I'm not sure that's really ever been the case. Laundry backups, changes of season and active and quickly growing children have been implicated more often.
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picasso
Platinum
Reged: 09/16/07
Posts: 1844
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exact same case with me.
I buy my son TONS of new clothes, shoes, etc. All I get back are the worn-out hand-me-downs from the stbx's sister...all torn up and stained.
Just 2 weeks ago, I decided to buy him a nice pair of leather sandals to wear for the summer. I sent him to daycare in them along with a nice new shirt/shorts set. It was very cute....he looked like a tiny beach-bum..lmao!
That was the last time I saw the shirt, shorts OR the sandals. Two days ago, he comes home in some ratty, dirty, fake-leather (plastic) sandals and tells me his aunt gave them to him. No, really?
I buy him good clothes that look nice on him, and good shoes that he can run around in and be comfortable. I get him back in cheap worn-out crap that I want to throw in the garbage because its either nasty or just plain worn-out.
I'm about to put a stop to it though....I cant fund TWO wardrobes for my son....and somehow all the nice clothes in his closet at MY house has slowly been replaced with the 10-year-old crap from my stbx's sister's house.
--------------------
NO FATE
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juliacinaz
Platinum
Reged: 02/03/08
Posts: 911
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picasso....that is exactly what happens to me. I buy nice stuff and never see it again. I have had to cut clothing off of my daughter because it is so small. She wears a 7 and he sends her home in a size 4 shirt?
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