bcarter
New
Reged: 06/05/08
Posts: 4
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2nd Marriage, three years. No kids, She has one from previous marriage where she has 50/50 custody.
Not going into why I am doing this but need to plan on how to handle it so that i do not get fleeced. We have a house and a condo (rental property). Both names on both properties though we bought the condo from my parents and a VERY CHEAP price. Have a boat in my name. She can have the house, i just want the condo, my boat, personal possessions and some of the furniture.
Is there any books someone that can recommend so that i can get started now? Any and all advice is appreciated.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 808
Loc: NJ
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You probably won't get much advice here on how to secretly one-up your wife. Most of us here WERE fleeced or cheated on or whatever. So, we're likely the wrong ones for you to ask.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4697
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It's highly unlikely that after a 3 year marriage she COULD fleece you. Why do you think she could? IF it's just wacked-out stuff like celebrity divorces where 3 years gets them a million dollars a eyar for life... well, remember that those situations are very odd.
Unless you're dealing with a mentally ill wife, secrecy is bound to cause more trouble than finding a way to do it up front. let us know what's up and maybe we can help... but beware, if you're looking to cheat her somehow (it's tough to do with just a 3 year marriage, from EITEHR side)... any advice you get on how to do it will probsably be either illegal or ill adviced as a tactic... these kinds of tactics usually result in more expensive litigation than the property was worth in the first place.
Give us a few more details about why you are worried about getting fleeced, and we might be able to help. I suspect eh best help we'll be is to let you know taht some of your concerns are unwarranted and a better tactic to address them would NOT be secrecy and tactics, but rather proper negotiation adn ...
well, consulting an attorney. If you were to really read the books you need in order to properly learn how to initiate and present your case... it'd be 3 years post college study at an accredited law school, and for a situation where you have a realistic worry about being fleeced after only 3 years, the amount of experience you'd need is at least 5 years in doing divorce work... your marriage will be triple or quadruple the length it is by the time you finish getting ready to represent yourself, and by that time you'll understand why even LAWYERS don't represent themselves in thier own divorces.
If I were you, I'd recognize that the amount of money i'm worried about being fleeced over is worth consulting a good lawyer about. NOT a SHARK lawyer who promises the sun, moon & stars with fun & interesting tactics to legally browbeat your wife (or her lawyer) into submission, but rather a GOOD attorney with a reputation as being above board, knowledgeabel and able to get the job done without excessive fees. Check around, find one, and don't be afraid fo paying for an hour's worth of their services to give you some reliable advice on whether or not you nave anything to be worreid about in the first place... and what you need to do to prepare fo the possiibility of nasty litigation in the second place.
If you end up needing a lawyer to protect your assets, it's a question of whether those assets ar eworth it to you. YES, the lawyer will be expensive and you'll have less than you wen tinto it with... BUT... the alternative might be to lose altogehter... And remember, marrying the wrong person is what got you into this... NOT the lawyer. The lawyer is trying to straighten out a situation you got yourself into... and it might be expensive. Why in the WORLD people think they can save a few bucks by getting themselves out of thier own messes... and be more effective at getting OUT of the marraige than they were at choosing who to get INTO the marriage with... I'll neve rknow.
But for now, just find someone good and pay for an hour's worth of their sevices...
PLUS...
Tell us what it is that makes you think you'll lose your shirt after just 3 years. If you've been reading stories of others who got fleeced... if YOU got fleeced after a previous long term marriage, please remember, just 3 years isn't enough time to fleece you in nearly ANY jurisdiction in nearly ANY circumstances. I suppose there would be some, and if you have those circumstances you can let us konw. But mostly... what you've described does not warrant the nastiness that secrecy creates. By being secret you may be making it worse than it ever woudl be on it's onw... but let us know. Maybe there's something really awful that would change my mind about this.
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bcarter
New
Reged: 06/05/08
Posts: 4
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okay, thanks, Guess I am at the wrong place.
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bcarter
New
Reged: 06/05/08
Posts: 4
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Fleeced was more to an overall lose of funds and assets to all parites, i.e. lawyers, wife, etc.
The reason I used the word "secret" is my wife is highly emotional and unstable. I have contacted a couple mental professionals but they said they cannot do anything unless she comes in on her own or is a threat to someone or herself. I think I am getting close to the point that she is a threat to me. Sorry for the confusion.
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bcarter
New
Reged: 06/05/08
Posts: 4
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and I am in South Carolina
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3191
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What you want to do is wrong. The marriage is only 3 years. There isn't going to be alimony. The only issues are dividing up any assets that the two of you acquired during the marriage.
And if the court views you as being deceptive to get a settlement in your favor instead of a fair one, your stbx could end up with everything. Including alimony.
As my former stepfather found out. He tried to pull one over on the judge. He ended up paying alimony to my mother for a year on a marriage that lasted less than 6 months. Had he not done that, there would have been no alimony at all.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2035
Loc: Hell...but im coming back up, ...
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what?
you didnt learn how to get a good divorce from your first one?
Hell,
i'd do much better the second time around!
what kind of [censored] question is this?
be a man,
file for divorce
and get one.
or....go find some balls first.
--------------------
taryn.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4697
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Look, after 3 years, this just is not an issue. There's not a lot to lose. Get a lawyer and file. Find someone who will not promise to fight tooth & nail to the death for everyhting, but rather a lawyer who says, "gee, only 3 years, this should not be too horrifying." And go with that one. If you wait, sneak, hide stuff... it only gets worse. But if you think she'll freak out once she finds out, then make copies of everything important and hide your copies so she can't have a bonfire, and ask your lawyer for help in figuring out how to change the locks & such. You shoudl be able to do this without having to sneak around and make it sound like you're trying to cheat someone... you see how fast people react when they hear a MAN trying to create a safety plan? Like it's something evil and underhanded... you simply want to avoid coming off like you're trying to do that in any way, but are just trying to stay safe from a woman who is on hte verge of becoming unhinged...
Truly, the easiest way to keep a half hinged person from becoming unhinged is to let them in on what's happening rather than trying to hide stuff from them... which makes them react in a paranoid way... but you know, it's not really paranoid to believe people are plotting against you if they really ARE plotting against you... Don't give her reason to think you're trying to hurt her and you'll be better off!
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 971
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Don't listen to these omnipresent, self-serving women and their feminist or legalistic viewpoints, who presume to come to this forum and advise men. If I were you I would do everything I could to avoid exposing myself to the vagaries of modern divorce law and the dangers that it subjects men to. If she has serious mental difficulties, and a judge notices this in court and is angered by it, she could order a mental health determination which could ultimately lead to your wife being ruled incompetent and assigned a "guardian" (one of the judge's lawyer cronies--no doubt yet another woman). You could then be ordered to pay this lawyer, as well as her divorce lawyer, as well as having to pay your own divorce lawyer!
Before even considering divorce I would first buy some insurance, against being cleaned out, by protecting my assets. A good book to use as a basic guide to this is "Asset Protection Made E-Z", available at your library or from Amazon.com. At the same time I would try to get anything I could on her. You might be surprised at how quickly an off-hand comment, assuring her that you "would NEVER reveal (insert embarrassing or legally compromising facts(s) on her) to anyone", will assuage her hysterical determination to "get what I am entitled to". She will get the real, implicit message, and will not file on you--even if the explicit message is exactly the opposite!
Disclaimer: Not legal advice
Edited by jbar (06/05/08 11:44 PM)
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