buddha1010
New
Reged: 05/25/08
Posts: 2
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I'm a little confused on what to do and would appreciate any advice. My ex lives in Missouri w/ my girls (16 & 18) and I live in California. We were never married. Our financial situation has changed dramatically since our original agreement over 10 years ago. My ex is now working full time and earning a great deal of money, (when agreement was made she was unemployed). I just started a new job after my job of 10 years relocated to another County. I am making less $$ now. I have tried to contact Family Support in Missouri and they said that even though I pay through them, no court order has been made - they wouldn't give much more info and not a lot of help. I see my children maybe 2 weeks out of the year, (if I'm lucky), and would love to be able to spend more time with them, but my ex and her mother will not allow it - at one point my children were living full time with the grandmother and my ex was collecting the support - she did not notify me of this as she does not notify me of any changes involving the children even after repeated requests. My ex also vacationed with the kids about 2 miles from my house 3 weeks ago and wouldn't even let me spend 10 minutes with them even though they were so close. It broke my heart. How do I reduce my support to her now that my eldest has graduated high school? Please help! I don't have a lot of money for a lawyer and any advice would be appreciated...
Thank You!
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husky_tdawg
New
Reged: 05/25/08
Posts: 1
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Hi Buddha,
I'm brand new to this forum, but I've been dealing with alot of BS issues from my ex. Was the divorce filed in California? Were your kids born in California? Were you and your ex residents of California when they were born? If yes to all of those, then I think your best bet would be to file in the state of California.
I live in Washington state, and here they have courthouse facilitators that you can go and talk with and they'll briefly explain the papers you need to file. I'm guessing they have something similar in California. Also, check with the bar association of the county you live in. They'll probably have a program where you can talk to a lawyer for free for 30 minutes or an hour. I feel your pain. Trading the benefits between spending big $$ to hire a lawyer and reduce the $$ that you're being scammed out of is tough, but I'm lucky enough to see my kids on a regular basis.
On the positive side, once your daughter turns 18, your ex-wife will have no say in when you see her.
Good luck!
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buddha1010
New
Reged: 05/25/08
Posts: 2
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Thanks Husky_tdawg.
Yes, they were born in California and we were both residents at the time. She helped her parents move to Missouri and got pregnant by another man and decided not to come back. Another heart breaker...
I didn't know I could do anything in California. I was under the assumption that everything had to be filed in Missouri... She filed through family support in Missouri, but according to the Family Support a court order never took place??? But I pay through them??? I wonder since the court order never took place if I can reduce the payments on my own and if she has a problem with it then she can file a new order? I would imagine that the support would be reduced dramatically given the circumstances. I guess I have to look into that...
I have never been late or missed a payment. I pay for medical, dental and vision. My wife and I also pay a great deal of extra expenses like school clothes, camps, medical copays and ALL travel expenses to and from Missouri. I've always kept up on my end of the bargain yet she tells the kids that I'm a loser and all kinds of bad things. I have made it a point to never discuss my feelings about their mother with them. It's not fair. I just won't stoop to her level. I hope that they will realize one day that what she had said about me is simply untrue.
Just b/c I make less $$ now doesn't make me a loser. I'm really trying to be a good dad, but I can only afford so much. My current wife picks up a great deal of their expenses and paid the support, christmas and birthday presents, while I was out of work. It's really not fair to her to be responsible for kids that are not hers and even though she doesn't say it, I can tell that she's starting to resent it a little.
Bottom line...I want to be looked at as a father and not merely a paycheck.
Again, any more advice will be appreciated.
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Qweenee
New
Reged: 05/02/08
Posts: 11
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Buddha,
My BF is going through this right now but the details are not as bad. He went to the courthouse in CA talked to a family law facilitator, told them what he wanted. He is changing is visitation time and wants his child support amount modified accordingly They gave him a packet of forms with examples. These forms are also available online. He then went back after filling them out online and printing them out, they look over them and tell him what changes need to be made (Although he didn't have any changes to make) and then filed it. They set up a date for mediation and a court date when filing it. If nothing gets accomplished in mediation, then you proceed to court in front of a judge. This would be best for you so you could state you case to the judge of all the issues you wrote about. Along with you paperwork you will submit a statement of declaration. You can write what you are asking for and why. Beings you both were in CA and the kids were born here and you are still here, I would file here. She would have to bring her butt out here! There is also something called alienation of a parent and that is what she is doing. The ex's are not allowed to speak of the other parent the way she is causing the kids to either not want to be with you or having a biased opinion of you. I would make sure I bring this up. Although it is done daily, it might be an issue with the judge!
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katyb66
New
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 9
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buddha,
Since you didn't go through the missouri court for C/S then it sounds like you signed an agreement for support.
IF the original agreement was established in missouri then most likely missouri is where it will need to continue.
Who are you making your checks out to or what is the mailing address? Is the check being made out to Family Support Payment Center P.O. Box 109002 Jefferson City, MO 65110-9002 or to circuit clerks office?
If the mailing address is in California and this being an interstate case you may have to contact the c/s in your county where you reside.
Once you figure out who has jursidiction on your case then you can let them know you are requesting a modification of support.
Here is the link for missouri c/s :
http://www.dss.mo.gov/cse/ap.htm
In conducting the review, CSE decides if a modification is appropriate by determining: (1) if a child support award figured using Missouri child support guidelines differs by 20 percent or more from the existing child support obligation; (2) if a health insurance provision needs to be added to the order. If three years have passed since the order was entered, last reviewed, or modified and either or both of the above criteria are met, CSE will initiate a modification of the order.
Missouri Schedule of Basic Child Support Obligations
www.courts.mo.gov/file/Sched%20Basic%20Child%20Support%20Oblig%2007-01-05.pdf
Hope this helps.
P.S. when you do find out about the ex not having the children (unless you owe back support) then you need to let C/S know so they can direct the payments to where the children are living. Also, the laws in which ever state you figure out is where your case resides about the time the children are w/ you (unless you owe back c/s), during this time once you notify the c/s office of them being w/ you they most likely will stop collecting during that time.
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