mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3214
Loc: Florida
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a$$hole, (obviously I will insert his legal name)
After the abuse that our son J suffered at your hands during the Thanksgiving visit while he was recovering from major sinus surgery, the fact that you had not requested E to go for this summer if she would not babysit for you and did not ask for visitation with her, the fact that you skipped the Christmas visitation without any communication, the fact that you failed to provide me with any specific information so that I could responsibly and appropriately help put a court ordered plan in place and the fact that you have not made the appropriate request for mediation through FOC for summer visitation I had to make plans for the children this summer with the understanding that you were unwilling to make appropriate arrangements to see the children in a supervised situation.
Further you only received 4 weeks of visitation last summer for J, of which E only stayed 6 days with your permission...you did not send J to a licensed daycare 4 times per week as previously court ordered, you did not refrain from mixing alcohol with your prescription drugs, you did not seek appropriate medical attention for our son and returned him with a raging sinus infection, you did not return all clothing sent, and in the other past visits you have had, you have proven to be unreliable, shown to disregard your sons medical needs by refusing to fill prescriptions and follow his pediatricians orders and you have been abusive. Specifically the last visit you had with the children, CPS documented the childrens fears and began an investigation both with FL & MI and the walk-in clinic doctor confirmed contusion/bruising that resulted from your hand. It is also questionable whether you are still seeking the counseling that you are required by court order to continue. For these reasons, unsupervised visitation and extensions of additional visitation beyond what you've had before would be highly inappropriate as they would expose our children to further abuse.
You may take one or both children for supervised visitation on August 1st through August 10th, which includes J's birthday, if and only if you obtain the appropriate mediation through the FOC so that both the court and I might be assured that the supervision available for the children is appropriate and an order is written. As I stated several times in conversations with you, I want the kids to be able to have visitation time with you and I want them to be safe and feel safe while doing so. I will not allow you to intimidate me through harassing phone calls or threats, you need to go through the proper avenues which in this case is the FOC. I will be available by phone for whatever date a conference is scheduled through FOC.
Sincerely,
I'm probably going to send it out tomorrow and of course send a copy to FOC as well. I was still hoping to put it off as long as possible so that he could not get a mediation date quick enough to take anything but what I'm offering. He stated today that he would be requesting a court date from FOC, I'm sure he meant mediation and my request will probably come around the same time as he is too lazy to get up in the morning and go down so he will wait until his day off on Friday.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5052
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Great. Add, maybe as a P.S.: "Please send a copy of the conversation you taped between us earlier so that I will have it for my records if I talk to the FOC about our need for mediation. If you can download it from your DVR onto your computer, I can probably take it as a file attachment to an e-mail rather than go through the trouble and expense and further delay of sending it through the mail.
Thank you."
Also, you might want to break up the first paragraph into numbered items just for clarity. I spend my life editing (never do it online for this forum, which is why some epople have trouble reading my writing online, but I refuse to do stuff that feels like work when I'm just taking a break from work, you know?) and when there's a long list of complaints like this, it helps to break them down and number or letter them, or use them as bullet points. Something like, "I've already made plans for the kids for this summer because: (1) your last visit resulted in a CPS complaint, (2) you didn't do this (3) you didn't do that (4) you don't want E unless she'll babysit (5) you appaerntly have no plans for supervision as required (6) E is not a proper or appropriate supervisor and should not be required to travel to you to work for you as a babysitter (7) etc., (8) abuse (9) not following the courts' instructiong, (10) not taking all your aacatino last summer (11) not having appropriate supervision last summer (12) returning E early last summer (13) missing christmas with both kids without notice this past year (14) etc., (15) etc., (16) etc.... "
And THEN put together a paragraph that has nothign to do with the individual complaints, but rather draws the conclusion that he's not done what he needs to do in order to protect the kids and make them safe, that you've been trying to tell him that you want to encourage visits but he's not been doing what he needs to do to make that happen, and etc.
Just A TINY bit of reorganization... just for clarity... is my suggestion.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1044
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I'm too numb right now to comment on your letter. I just wanted to commiserate with you on these suky situations that happen. When does it get easier???
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1580
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Dear EX:
As per our court ordere agreement, we were required to work with the FOC to mediate summer visitation plans. To date, you have not gotten this arranged. However, I have the following grave concerns about visitation this summer. Specifically,
1. Thanksgiving, 2007: Our son J suffered multiple instances of abuse at your hands during the Thanksgiving visit while he was recovering from major sinus surgery, 2. You have documented that our daughter was not to visit this summer unless she would babysit for you
3. Christmas 2007: You skipped the Christmas visitation without any communication.
4. You continue to fail to provide me with any specific information so that I can responsibly and appropriately help put a court ordered plan in place for visitation with BOTH children.
5. You continue to threaten legal action, yet you have not made the appropriate request for mediation through FOC for summer visitation.
Given all of this and the fact that it is now Juen, I had to make plans for the children this summer. I did this with the implied understanding that you were unwilling to make appropriate arrangements to see the children in a supervised situation.
Further complicating this situation is your demand for five weeks of vacation disregarding that you only received 4 weeks of visitation last summer for J. Of that time E only stayed 6 days with your permission. During that time, you did not:
1. Send J to a licensed daycare 4 times per week as previously court ordered,
2. Refrain from mixing alcohol with your prescription drugs.
3. Seek appropriate medical attention for our son and returned him with a raging sinus infection
4. Return all clothing sent, leaving me with considerable extra expenses.
Finally, in the other past visits you have had, you have proven to be unreliable, shown to disregard your sons medical needs by refusing to fill prescriptions and follow his pediatricians orders and you have been abusive.
Specifically the last visit you had with the children, CPS documented the childrens fears and began an investigation both with FL & MI and the walk-in clinic doctor confirmed contusion/bruising that resulted from your hand. It is also questionable whether you are still seeking the counseling that you are required by court order to continue. For these reasons, unsupervised visitation and extensions of additional visitation beyond what you've had before would be highly inappropriate as they would expose our children to further abuse.
However, I recognize how important a relationship with you is for our children. Accordingly, I am agreeable that you may take one or both children for supervised visitation on August 1st through August 10th, which includes J's birthday, if and only if you obtain the appropriate mediation through the FOC so that both the court and I might be assured that the supervision available for the children is appropriate and an order is written. As I stated several times in conversations with you, I want the kids to be able to have visitation time with you and I want them to be safe and feel safe while doing so. I will not allow you to intimidate me through harassing phone calls or threats, you need to go through the proper avenues which in this case is the FOC. I will be available by phone for whatever date a conference is scheduled through FOC.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5052
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OOOOO... JERSEY... I LOVE that.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1044
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+1 Jersey Girl
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3214
Loc: Florida
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Thanks everyone...I'll work on rewording it!
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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If we're still talking about the same certified letter, I think I'm on record opposing any substantial response. You are not on defense here, he is.
That said, I like the original version better. One is tempted to try and read it without taking a breath. And that's impossible. And that's fun for me. I'm easily amused.
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