Divorce Support Forums: Father Knows Best

I understnad being frustrated at your constitutional rights being violated... though JBar has always ALSO framed it in the "women = evil, women want all our money and the government lets them get it" kind of way...

My current frustration is at the fact that there's almost never a thread in DivorceSupport forum which deals with father's issues, where he doesn't put in his two cents about property.

There are a numbers of father's rights groups which actually discuss father's rights without trying to confront their own personal concerns about money. I even know one group where, if you post on there with a complaint about how child support is sucking you dry and you need to get out of it... they'll slam you with questions about how often you're seeing the kid and whether you're thinking of the child's needs or just your own desire for a new... whatever. These are GUYS doing the slamming (I know some of them personally), and they get VERY frustrated when they see someone coming online to make a stereotypical complaint against financial issues when the issue they're trying to confront is how to be a good father in a separated household. And how to get the courts to ALLOW them to become that.

I'm frustrated that the DivorceSUpport forum, because JBar just won't let it be, can never have a discussion of parenting by fathers, without having his personal issue of community property enter into it. I've seen him advise fathers who wanted to find a way to get more time with thier kid, on how to divert thier money to an offshore acount and/or move away (from the kid) to a country where they'll get the house in a divorce (he's not figured out that you can't force a divorce decree in a foreign country to be honored by a property recorder's office here... but that's another issue).

If someone popped in that that kind of inane talk to poor fathers who probably do NOT have lots of cash to hide in offshore accounts, who are struggling to make ends meet and figure out how to spend time with the kids while working 3 jobs to pay for RAISING them... well... he'd be flamed off the boards there.

This forum has many more resources, much broder information base... members who are on other sides of an issue, so a discussion of father's issues would be very valuable for the insights that some others could provide on it... But if we keep insisting on diverting every conversation about men's issues into property saving conversations... well, it's almost become comical, it's that ridiculous. JBar has become a charicature... well, he became that a long time ago... a constitutionalist (which I am one, so don't shoot me for saying that... I'm just not a charicature of one)... isolationist, deadbeat, emotionally abusive man who thinks up ways to get his wife committed so she won't take his precious income earned during the marriage.

I am surprised that the men of this forum never speak up the way they do on that other forum, and tell men who say, "I impregnated a girl and now she turned out to be a bad mother, how do I get out of paying child supprot"... to go fly a kite because men like him make the rest of you look bad. I'm wishing that the men on this forum would stand up and say, "Jbar, shut up already. If you don't want a woman to share your stuff, don't marry her, or divorce her as soon as you figure out that you value your stuff more than her. You're making the rest of us who want to do right by our exes look like jerks, and attitudes like yours make it harder for good people to get the right thing to happen in the courts.".

I'm just surprised that one one but me has ever said that attitudes like his hurt the whole cause... that ONE person who is that vocal and wrong-minded and money-grubbing can undo 100 guys who walk into court and do NOT try to hide money, cheat their wives, embarass them into silence or send them to live in a third world contry with no means of support.

OK, I'm just frustrated today... having read some wonderful views of fathers who really want to keep the focus on good fathering, who, if they succeed, will do WONDERS for all the other issues you have otu there...

I mean, you DO know that if the father's rights group get the 50-50% shared parenting plans to be the norm in this country, that there will no longer be the huge disparities in what women take out of a divorce versus what men take? Becasue women will be told to go back to work... that they have JUST as much time and opportunity to get good jobs... that the men have JUST as much right to the marital home for teh kids to live in 50% of the time... that the men have JUST as much right to the furniture, cloting, etc...

YOu DO know that political movement, REAL political movement, starts with people who resolve the most inequitable, easiest to sympathize with issue... and the fatherhood issue, the shared parenting one... IS the most sympathetic because in this country where everything is "for the children", it's a good idea to align yourself with what's in the children's best intersts, and the job is as small as making everyone understadn how important fathers are? You DO understand that the cause of a guy wanting to keep everything that was acquired during th emarriage and tossing his wife out on her ear is not exactly as sympathetic?

Sigh... Sorry... Just frustrated that a good thread was hijacked...