akc1956
New
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 4
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Just married a wonderful man that has been divorced since 2005...He retired from a federal job due to several doctors recommendations...and his ex agreed to the retirement...He was in a terrible mental state when going through this divorce and she took avantage of it fully...
She gets half of his retirement..will receive half of his life insurance and looks like he is ordered to pay for Spousal survivors benefits...Then she took him back to court and got another $100 amonth in maintenance...this all happened in Kansas...She makes more money monthly than he does...he is living on next to nothing while trying to he on SSD...We live in AR...He also had a terrible lawyer back then , who has removed him self since from practice...Is there anyway we can get a lawyer down here in AR to set some of these provisions revoked??...He was and still is not able to mentally handle the stress and paperwork that is needed in doing tis process but I am...Any advice???...akc1956
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3457
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You said:
He was in a terrible mental state when going through this divorce and she took avantage of it fully...
She gets half of his retirement..
My response:
She didn't take advantage in this case. At least half of any retirement savings that were acquired during their marriage is hers. They split a marital asset down the middle.
You said:
will receive half of his life insurance and looks like he is ordered to pay for Spousal survivors benefits...
My response:
If there is spousal support or child support awarded, this is normal.
You said:
Then she took him back to court and got another $100 amonth in maintenance...this all happened in Kansas...She makes more money monthly than he does...he is living on next to nothing while trying to he on SSD...We live in AR...He also had a terrible lawyer back then , who has removed him self since from practice...Is there anyway we can get a lawyer down here in AR to set some of these provisions revoked??...
My response:
He's not going to be able to get the asset division revoked. Half of the retirement is hers. No way around that one.
Now, the alimony part can be addressed. If he is on SSD, he can file for either a modification or a termination based on a substantial change of circumstances. Whether or not he gets it depends on how the divore decree is worded.
You said:
He was and still is not able to mentally handle the stress and paperwork that is needed in doing tis process but I am...Any advice???..
My response:
He's going to have to find a way or nothing is going to change.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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on the off chance that this isnt a 'troll' post or whatever im going to answer...
if he isnt mentally up to readdressing these issues why do you care? if he wanted to deal with them he would figure out a way.
bottom line...money that you feel should be YOURS in YOUR (newish) marriage is NOT there...instead it goes to his exwife.
THAT is called the results of divorce.
sometimes you GET,
sometimes you GIVE,
sometimes it's fair,
usually it's not.
how did you not know this stuff when you got married?
it's just money....focus on your marriage and the relationship you and your husband have and let this other stuff go.
honestly!
(i get the feeling YOU want what SHE is getting...or will get, but maybe not...anyone else get that feeling from the OP?)
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taryn.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 757
Loc: PA
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i sure hope she only got 1/2 the retirement she was "entitled to." In my case i worked 7 years at my job before marrying my wife and of course shes only entitled to year 7 thru year of divorce of my job. Not 1/2 my entire pension.
so many people say '1/2 the pension' is theirs and that is not the case unless you started the marriage and job at the same time
just a nit pick but an important one to be sure.
if she makes more than him that indeed he had a bad atty. hopefully the maint. is modifiable to where you can proves she makes more and maybe his extra amount will stop.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote]
if she makes more than him that indeed he had a bad atty. hopefully the maint. is modifiable to where you can proves she makes more and maybe his extra amount will stop. [/quote]
Plus 1
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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akc1956
New
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 4
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I am not a "troll" as thought I might be....I am a very happy wife and was aware of what had happened to him to an extent before we married but found it hard to think that our "justice" system would be so unfair in this matter...You do not know all the facts so I think that you can not factually base you beliefs of me or on this subject...I just came here asking some questions and know feel like I was questioned on the reason for being here....I hate to see anyone mistreated...or what I think might be mistreated...that was why I was asking the questions...It sounds to me like there are a lot of bitter people folks on this forum who like to judge on their past experiences in life...
NO-I DO NOT WANT WHAT SHE HAS!!!!!...I could care less...God takes care of me and always has and will in the future...I do not need the money she was awarded to be happy or live...I just hate to see anyone who had worked hard all their life not represented in a court matter and taken advantage of in my way of thinking...Maybe she is entitled to what she gets...if so more power to her and may she be blessed and have a long happy life....As for me I go on with life and enjoy everyday, as it is a gift from God....
I do, thank the ones that responded to my questions without snide remarks and questioning my reason for being here....I would have felt the same was about anyone that I thought had been taken....even the ones that "judged" me...Judge not lest you be judge is my motto and what I was taught....
I will not be posting on these forums anymore since it is not what I thought it was...it seems that mainly it is for hateful people, full of spite and anger to blast others...I do not need that....Ofcorse as the case there are some good folks on here that are hurt by others...
Well, I have said my thoughts...not I will go on with my beautiful day, and love my husband, wish all of you the best...and well sign out never to open myself to your rude posts again....I am thankful after 22 years of an abusive marriage I am not judgemental and openly try to hurt others feelings...based on my past experiences in a relationship...akc1956
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3457
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[quote]I am thankful after 22 years of an abusive marriage I am not judgemental and openly try to hurt others feelings...based on my past experiences in a relationship...akc1956 [/quote]
You may want to rethink the above statement. Because your post reeked of judgement.
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akc1956
New
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 4
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That is your opinion....and like mouths all folks have their opinions Our country is based on that right...do you not think that your response to my post was not judgemental??...This banter is childish...I have other things to "busy" my mind with than trying to bash people on computer forums...akc1956
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3457
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[quote]That is your opinion....and like mouths all folks have their opinions Our country is based on that right...do you not think that your response to my post was not judgemental??...This banter is childish...I have other things to "busy" my mind with than trying to bash people on computer forums...akc1956 [/quote]
I didn't say that my post wasn't judgemental. Nor did I preach about how you shouldn't judge others and then go on to judge.
You did that. I just pointed it out. And you judged me childish for pointing just how much your post made you look like a hypocrite.
What was that you were saying about judging others? Oh, "Judge not lest ye be judged yourself".
What an accurate statement. Don't you think?
BTW, I am still not making any claim that I was not making any judgement at all.
Considering that is just what I did in this post.
At least I admit it. How about you? Are you capable of admitting that you did exactly what you chastised someone else for doing?
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akc1956
New
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 4
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I am sorry Jada if I came across as being such...Yes, I have no problem admitting when I am wrong...more problem realizing that I am ever within my rights...I am human and I reacted as anyone or anything would that felt like they had been jumped on...Again, I am sorry...I do not intend to judge...akc1956
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1365
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Jada,
Doesn't the fact that she took him back to court and was awarded an additonal $100 in maintenance indicate that spousal support is modifiable?
If it wasn't, then she couldn't have gone to court and been awarded the additional $100. Or am I missing something here?
Just Wondering,
Nish
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3457
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[quote]Jada,
Doesn't the fact that she took him back to court and was awarded an additonal $100 in maintenance indicate that spousal support is modifiable?
If it wasn't, then she couldn't have gone to court and been awarded the additional $100. Or am I missing something here?
Just Wondering,
Nish [/quote]
Yes, it does. Just because she was able to modify it doesn't mean that he will be able to eliminate it, that depends on how the court order is worded. It could be set up to where the amount is modifiable to a certain extent but that it is indefinite and that part is non-modifiable.
Either way, the poster's husband is the one who is going to have to take action to find out one way or the other. Given that he is on SSD, I don't think he would have a problem eliminating it. But that depends on the wording of the court order.
One thing for sure is that it isn't going to stop unless he deals with the steps necessary to stop it.
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Nish
Platinum
Reged: 02/18/07
Posts: 1365
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Thanks Jada for the clarification. I understand and agree that the poster's husband is the one who will need to decide if he is going to pursue attempting to have it adjusted down.
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