What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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I filed, she got an atty, and a month later after her calling him to find out what is up, she only just this week turned in her intake form with general info.
So will her atty request all my financial stuff and then say he wants $$$$ from me or should MY atty be calculating stuff and then me offer $$$$ to her side?
Personally, I'm assuming her atty would ask for more in an attempt to negotiate down but i know for a fact if i start low it's gonna look insulting. Plus id rather see where her cards lay. I dont wanna offer something that she may have forgotten about (doubt it but you never know).
So who is supposed to do what? I hate the waiting.
I should note that when i hired my atty they said when they file if she didnt hear back in the alotted 10 days she would contact my wife's atty. Well of course my wife's atty never did anything even after 10 days and of course my atty did nothing either
is this normal to say one thing then have atty do another?
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Yes, unfortunately, it is fairly common for you to have to prod your own attorney when deadlines approach. Don't be shy about keeping things moving.
In the early stages of negotiations, you should not concern yourself with how you think an offer will be perceived. You need to start by asking for what you want. Even if you get laughed at, it sets the table for negotiation towards fairness. (If you open with something you think is fair, negotiations will only lead further from a fair resolution not towards it).
The person who is most motivated to resolve the issues under dispute is usually the one to make the first move. I made the first move on finances. My Ex made the first move on our parenting plan.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5178
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[quote]
The person who is most motivated to resolve the issues under dispute is usually the one to make the first move. I made the first move on finances. My Ex made the first move on our parenting plan. [/quote]
Given your sitaution and the fact aht she has no interest in finalizing this, leaving, ending the marriage, I'd expect that if you do NOT make the first move, then it'll be a stalemate and you'll be married forever!
EEEEK.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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[quote] You need to start by asking for what you want. Even if you get laughed at, it sets the table for negotiation towards fairness. (If you open with something you think is fair, negotiations will only lead further from a fair resolution not towards it).
[/quote]
so basically i should ask for the stars and settle for the ground, right? :)
since she isnt packing i did all her fragile stuff since she bought bubble wrap...taped a post it to the top of each box with the contents on it so she would know what it was.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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[quote]so basically i should ask for the stars and settle for the ground, right? :)[/quote]
I'm not advocating playing games. I'm suggesting you need to communicate clearly what you want. Don't do any negotiation in your head before you start negotiating aloud. Does that make sense?
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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1. An attorney is only as good as their client.
2. Your attoney has many cases, you only have one. Save money and stay on top of it or mistakes will be made. Don't overstep.
3. Make a wish list for your lawyer of what you want.
4. Make a bottom line of what you would settle for to avoid a long expensive court battle. Tell your attorney if you trust him/her to fight and not just give it to her lawyer.
5. Best to make offers when you have some positive momentum on your side.
6. Try to get partial settlement signed asap. ie parenting plan, or CS, etc.
7. A GOOD mediator can really help, court appointed ones are cheap.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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[quote]
2. Your attoney has many cases, you only have one. Save money and stay on top of it or mistakes will be made. Don't overstep.
[/quote]
see this is what i worry about. At this point i'd love to say ummmm my wife was served a month ago...should we be doing something and do you need any kind of financial papers from me?
but to me that sounds bossy! like i'm telling her her job.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Overstepping is to not follow her advice, or do anything without informing her first. Overstepping could be arguing endlessly with her about strategy, if you don't agree to that extent get a new atty. Bossing is telling her what to do, not asking. Keeping in close contact with her paralegal, following and getting copies of all docs, doing whatever you can to assist and save money will not piss her off. Ask her if it will, tell her you don't want to run your case but want to be very involved. Think of yourself has her paralegal's assistant. Most attorneys need all the help they can get, and good legal help is very hard to get!
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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well i called an left msg for my atty and said her atty is soooo slow and i wanted to know if i should be gathering financial data or what can i do?
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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ok called again today..the assistant told me that she is going to type up a letter and list of stuff that is needed and mail it to me. I asked her when and she said by tomorrow. So we wait
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Daily contact/stay on top. 1-3 sentence email or 2min. phone call. That way no charge. sux eh?
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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[quote]Daily contact/stay on top. 1-3 sentence email or 2min. phone call. That way no charge. sux eh? [/quote]
dont have her email..would be nice though..i wouldnt mind paying for that at all. At least there would be contact.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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Email the paralegal unless absolutely necessary to speak to atty. Paralegal will forward to atty if necessary. Call the office and get the email address, send thankyou to paralegal. Attorney is not bothered unless important. Ask them to forward you anything they receive on your case, that way it doesn't get put in a stack on a chair in a room...
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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welp, i may not have gotten the best but she really didnt get the best. She left an admittedly 'fake' message to her atty saying she needs him to call her and that she has to get out of here! all sounding sad etc
he still hasnt called in 2 days.
so maybe he's tired of dealing with her too and ill wind up getting the better end of this stick
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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well i found out my atty was on vacation this week but she still emailed me! So maybe things are going ok. My wifes atty is coming to the house today so hopefully she will get the answers she needs. He's more responsive since she learned how to email him. bypasses his sec'y.
And my atty is gonna try to set up a meeting with all of us to discuss things since my wife is leaving in a few weeks.
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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[quote]1. An attorney is only as good as their client.
2. Your attoney has many cases, you only have one. Save money and stay on top of it or mistakes will be made. Don't overstep.
3. Make a wish list for your lawyer of what you want.
4. Make a bottom line of what you would settle for to avoid a long expensive court battle. Tell your attorney if you trust him/her to fight and not just give it to her lawyer.
5. Best to make offers when you have some positive momentum on your side.
6. Try to get partial settlement signed asap. ie parenting plan, or CS, etc.
7. A GOOD mediator can really help, court appointed ones are cheap. [/quote]
you need to send this to my wife...her atty is beyond dreadful..withholding documents...not calling her back etc etc..here's the latest
today on the phone my wife said she left msg with her atty to get his ass moving on stuff... then i mentioned the letter my atty sent on july 19 and i wondered what she thought of it.
she said WHAT letter...so 2 weeks went by and he didnt even tell my wife that he got a financial package from my atty (stack of documents included too) and she said no wonder you think i'm lying when i said i have no idea about alimony...i told her id make her copy of the letter since her atty wont lol...i said see, i have your best interest at heart, he doesnt. And isnt that sad that i'm informing her more than her own atty. ugh
.....i told her i offered 600 month....... i said hey if you arent ok with it tell me what you want, we need to start fighting about it.. but point is we need to start talking!
So basically to date her atty has not asked me for a single thing, acknowledged receiving my atty letter to my wife..gave her a copy of the letter or attachments. And not responded to most calls. He WAS here one day AFTER he should have gotten the letter from my atty so he's really a nut job
i hope i can turn this into my advantage. But i told her i'm looking out for her more than her own atty! hopefully this helps me in the long run and her atty just accepts my offer to get rid of her
she said she cant afford to get another atty so this is good news..she's stuck with him! but this may also last forever :(
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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What will I lose
Platinum
Reged: 05/21/07
Posts: 764
Loc: PA
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any suggestions how for force the opposing atty to act/react or even meet with one's spouse? her atty is extremely non responsive and she wont breath without his approval..kinda sad but thats the situation i'm stuck with.
i know they can ignore me for 2 years here in PA but my wife has told her atty she wants this settled fast but he simply wont respond to her. How can i force him and her to respond to me?
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call me WWIL...PA resident 39 year old , married 11 years, together 12...splitting in 13th year.
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