Can't believe it. My first post and worked hard on it but it disappeared when I clicked continue.
Oh well - will try again and make it shorter this time.
Married over 10 years with kids. I tried to make it work. Tried hard but my wife didn't seem to care. Guess it was too little too late. Much of the fault lies with me. I was sooo immature when we married and had very low self esteem. I married her to fill a need. A need no one could fix but me. She was the powerful one in our relationship and over time I began to resent that. I felt controlled and, well, like a little kid being told what to do by mom.
This was all below my conscious level and I denied my feelings. I didn't know how to stand up for my wants and needs and communicate. Instead I just withdrew and tried to hide. The only place I could feel powerful was at work.
We have been in therapy for 2 years. I have also been for a year on my own. I have made great strides on my own. Done everything my wife has asked for. But she has been rejecting my work and saying its not enough. I really tried hard sharing some things that were very difficult to say. She didn't care.
I feel so depressed, lonely, worthless, unhappy and anxious. But I also feel relief and happy that I am no longer stuck in limbo. Every time I tried she said it is not good enough. How do you live with these feelings? Do they go away? When? Is it normal to have so many different feelings at the same time?
Im sorry you have found these forums for the reasons you have but welcome none the less.
Your feelings are natural we all had/have them. Those that ended up divorced felt them just as those that ended up working things out. Remember you are human you made and will make more mistakes in life, it's just the way we are. You however have recognized your past mistakes and taken action to try and prevent making those same mistakes again and that is something a lot of people never do so you need to commend yourself not admonish yourself.
My story was similiar in the respect that I to had communication issues, I to worked hard to change some of the habits I knew all along were not healthy, I to had to endure the "I'm sorry it's to little to late, I don't believe the changes you have made are real" it's heart wrenching and a huge blow to work so hard to change and have the one person you want validation from about those changes to reject you.
To answere your questions about do they and when will they go away. Who knows? everyone is different. Some people are able to move on and be happy, some wallow in self pity forever it really is up to the individual. For me personally the feelings I have for my ex are still there bubbling under the surface just waiting for an excuse to resurface. They do not however continue to control my life, I made mistakes, I recognized them, I corrected them, that is the limit of what I have control over.
When you say the limbo is over what did you mean? Be warned divorce is a gut wrenching soul destroying process that could have only been devised by satan. Make sure you have friends and family that you can talk to about what is going on, you are going to need the support.
Read some of the threads in the other forums get and you will understand you are not alone in this process, nor is your situation as unique as you think. There are a lot of people around here that will offer really good advise and are better at consoling than I am.
Thoughts and prayers are with you my friend.
-------------------- Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
Thanks for the thoughtful response. It is comforting to have my feelings validated. Having never been through this experience I have no baseline to compare.
The limbo comment was indeed in reference to a divorce. My wife contacted an attorney during our therapy phase (I did not know this) and wants a divorce. At this point so do I.
I can't see how to keep trying when she doesn't want me to. I can see how divorce will be gut wrenching. I plan to continue to see my therapist and rally the friends and family for support.
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