Spookee
New
Reged: 06/14/08
Posts: 2
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I'm currently deployed to Iraq on tour #3. 7 months ago I discovered that my wife of 5 years cheated on me a month into my deployment. We have tried counseling, both stress and marriage counseling, to really no avail. We decided that it would be best for us, and our son, to divorce.
She is now discussing a separation agreement. As I am unfamiliar with a separation agreement, I would like to know more details about it in both a civilian and military context. All my Legal Office here has said is: "Don't agree to it."
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2144
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A separation agreement settles all the issues ( property division , alimony , child custody & CS ) that need to be decided in the event of divorce . It is much less expensive than going to court and having a judge decide . They should be as detailed as possible to prevent future misunderstandings and also be based on your state's laws . You can have a lawyer check over her offer and make counteroffers or request mediation to clear up any disagreements .
Some things to consider :
1. No alimony/spousal support/maintenance as it's a short term marriage .
2. A detailed parenting plan , DO NOT accept liberal visitation as agreed by the parties .
3. CS as per state guidelines .
4. 50% of all marrital assets/ debts .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3219
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You will need a flexible parenting plan, which can get more detailed when you are no longer in the military or a war zone.
As for spousal support, that would depend on your income and her income. 5 years isn't exactly a long-term marriage nor is it exactly a short-term marriage. You could end up paying spousal support for a couple of years. A lawyer in your area, with experience dealing with a military divorce, is a better person to give you an idea of what to expect. Obviously, any assets and debt acquired during the marriage will have to be split. How it is split depends on the state, in an equitable distribution state, it may not be a 50/50 split. In a community property state, like California, is is split 50/50.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2144
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As for spousal support, that would depend on your income and her income. 5 years isn't exactly a long-term marriage nor is it exactly a short-term marriage. You could end up paying spousal support for a couple of years.
>>>>>>>>>> His question was in regard to a MSA , are you saying he should AGREE to paying SS for a few years ?
A lawyer in your area, with experience dealing with a military divorce, is a better person to give you an idea of what to expect.
>>>>>>>>> He's in Iraq .
Obviously, any assets and debt acquired during the marriage will have to be split. How it is split depends on the state, in an equitable distribution state, it may not be a 50/50 split. In a community property state, like California, is is split 50/50.
>>>>>>>>> A state's statutes on distribution has no bearing on any AGREEMENT they may make .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3219
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[quote]
As for spousal support, that would depend on your income and her income. 5 years isn't exactly a long-term marriage nor is it exactly a short-term marriage. You could end up paying spousal support for a couple of years.
>>>>>>>>>> His question was in regard to a MSA , are you saying he should AGREE to paying SS for a few years ?
A lawyer in your area, with experience dealing with a military divorce, is a better person to give you an idea of what to expect.
>>>>>>>>> He's in Iraq .
Obviously, any assets and debt acquired during the marriage will have to be split. How it is split depends on the state, in an equitable distribution state, it may not be a 50/50 split. In a community property state, like California, is is split 50/50.
>>>>>>>>> A state's statutes on distribution has no bearing on any AGREEMENT they may make . [/quote]
Let me clarify in your area. A lawyer where the marital residence is, which is not Iraq.
Whether or not he agrees to SS is up to him, it can be an advantage to him tax wise. They can also negotiate and call it family support and the entire thing would be deductible to him. Of course, it's going to be higher than what child support itself would be.
And one thing that one should do is know what type of state they live in before negotiating any type of MSA. Because some states won't accept anything but a 50/50 split of assets and division. And, yes, I have heard of an msa being rejected by the judge because it wasn't a 50/50 split on assets and debt. And if it isn't a community property state, he's going to have to decide for himself just how much he wants to fight over an issue.
Again, an attorney in the state where the marital residence is will know more of what he can expect so that he can negotiate knowing what might happen if it goes to court.
It's just plain common sense to know that before you start the negotiating process.
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Spookee
New
Reged: 06/14/08
Posts: 2
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Jada and TAG, thanks for the answers :).
To fill in some of the background. I am a state resident of Florida, my son's mother is a state resident of Oklahoma. We were married in Oklahoma.
As far as incomes, debts and assets acquired- well there is really only one at the moment- a credit card that is in my name with a balance that is getting chipped away. She has a truck that was purchased cash in hand during the marriage, and I own a car that I paid off during the marriage.
Now, as to other matters- during our marriage, I have been the sole provider for the family. My finances include 3 bank accounts (1 in which the bulk of my paycheck is deposited, one in which my BAH is deposited- my son's mother's account as I look at it- and a third account which has 250/month deposited in it), and a recently opened day-trading account (only 200 dollars deposited in it so far).
Based upon the insight provided to me in regards to an MSA, I have thought long and hard about it and have decided it is not in the collective best interests of myself, my son and my son's mother (while I am divorcing her, I am still responsible for providing until such a time as it is deemed unnecessary or no longer applicable). This is also after talking again with my legal advisor and my Company First Sergeant.
Again, thanks for the knowledge and insight and advice and if I have any more questions, I will be sure to ask!
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lonelydee
New
Reged: 05/04/08
Posts: 3
Loc: Georgia
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First, thank you so much for your service to our country! My son was born the week we "decided" to go to war so I think about the servicemen and women daily.
Check with your state about child custody arrangements first. When my husband and I separated (in GA) my lawyer told me I couldn't set up any ground rules for visitation, or the safety of my children, so long as we remained legally married. That basically meant he could take off to Canada with them and I couldn't do a thing. I also couldn't force child support unless I really wanted to fight and spend lots of money which wouldn't guarantee anything in a "separation". First and foremost, protect your son.
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