Not quite sure where to post this. Everything just came to a head yesterday, and my husband moved out. We've had problems since the beginning, but alas, I was young and stupid and married him anyway. Now we have 3 children, not yet in school, and I have been home for 3 years with them. We weren't wealthy to begin with, now we're going to be in a very tight situation.
This is all so new, the wound is so fresh. In all honesty, this is as much my fault as it is his. But this situation has begun to hurt my children. I don't want them to hear their parents fighting with one another and being hurtful. That is how I grew up, and I know that experienced has helped me to screw up my own marriage.
I haven't told anyone what is going on. My married friends all seem so happy, and we've always been that couple that airs our dirty laundry. My best friend is married to the best friend of the man I broke up with when I met my husband. And we've drifted apart anyway. I serve in a position at my church that I'm afraid I might lose if they "find out about the real me." I've drifted away from my single friends because we really don't have anything in common anymore.
And then there are my parents. My mom stayed with my abusive father all of my childhood, thinking it was the right thing to do. I've tried to forgive my father for being abusive (he eventually got help) and my mother for staying with him, but I'm still hurt.
We are close, and I find myself turning to them more and more recently. They are the only ones I'm really honest with. I'm so embarrassed about my marital situation. I feel like I should have known better. My mother keeps calling me telling me to think things through for the sake of my children. Like her? And my husband has started calling them!!! I feel betrayed by all of them.
Anyway, I'm sitting here feeling terrible, crying my eyes out and totally neglecting my children. And my 4-year-old is the only one consoling me. Now I'm screwing him up too. I need to talk to someone. I need someone to tell me it will somehow be OK, even if they're lying. And maybe I need someone to kick my a-- and tell me to get myself together for the sake of my children.
You can always post here for support. And, maybe you should look up an old friend that used to always be there for you and bounce your situation off them. Many times it's good to get an outside opinion. They are unbiased and can see everything more clearly than the ones in the midst of it all.
I will say my sister encouraged me a lot at the beginning. She was probably my greatest supporter. Then, there is a guy at work who has been through the wringer with divorce who I have consulted with a lot. He understands where I'm coming from since his ex wife is a lot like my stbx husband.
If your church can't support you for getting a divorce, then shame on them. We are all sinners. Including those that run churches. I can see them not tolerating adultery, but a divorce is necessary in many occasions. They can't condemn you for that!
One of my problems that lead to my divorce was not talking about my marital problems with friends all along. Yes, they all seemed so happy in their lives. But it turns out, they all have their own crap going on that they deal with. No one's life is perfect. Please don't rule out talking to your "happy friends" just because they seem happy.
You could also consider finding a counselor. They might even have them at your church. That's a great source of strength during a divorce.
Sorry you're in this situation. There are many others here who will empathize, sympathize and whatever else you need with you.
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