lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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I don't get all the contact issues. Perhaps I am just a little obtuse on this issue. My ex was the one that wanted the divorce. My ex is engaged to be remarried approximately 2 years after we agreed to divorce. However, there was no abuse or infidelity so maybe that makes a difference but we speak, text, or email at least 4 times a week. I see her at drop off and pick up of my kids and we exchange small talk and even chat from time to time. It never affects me either positively or negatively, its just life.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1259
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lairdude, you're so lucky you don't "get it" or need it. You have a friendly divorce, it seems. Many people here would be walked on, verbally abused, lied to, etc if they continued to have contact with their x. It's demoralizing and definitely slows the healing process.
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ipso
Silver
Reged: 05/21/08
Posts: 81
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Spoken to my ex exactly once after the separation, to ask for tax info in April. Not easy, but man does it simplify things.
-ipso
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One must want nothing to be different... not only to bear what is necessary, but to love it.
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beblebrox
Platinum
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 340
Loc: Western Pennsylvania
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WOW, you are lucky. mine calls me almost every other day. she complains i "don't ever call her". she even wants to sit alone in my house on her days off! it's driving me nuts.
It's like; what part of you went and got knocked up by my former best friend, and now i want you the f**k out of my home and life don't you get?
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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I do realize that my situation is different than others on here. I wasn't lied to, cheated on, or otherwise abused and didn't do the same to my ex. She was the one that wanted the divorce so it was sprung on me unexpectedly but when life hands you lemons make lemonade.
Even when we were divorced and still living together I took things for what they were and never allowed myself to get upset about things. I just absorbed them and let them flow through me and then I was done. Yes, it is mostly friendly now that we have moved to separate houses and perhaps we are both more adult about the situation than the ex's of those that continue to have trouble.
I do know that others will only treat you the way you allow them to and if you (the universal you) do it eventually they will have to change.
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Devorah
Platinum
Reged: 07/15/06
Posts: 1992
Loc: Colorado
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Full agreement with Lair...whose words evidence that even when there is physical contact in words, phone calls, whatever- there does not have to be emotional contact. That is us to you or me.
My ex and I do have to talk about a great many details and I appreciate the barometer offered there as to how "tuned in " to him I am; how he can still push a button, create ripples in my sense of esteem or identity. It is painful but necessary to see, for me. As my bf said recently ,"he is going to treat you like a [censored]-sucker for all time". Knowing this to be true- it is up to me to disengage, whether we are talking all the time or not saying a word.
Devie
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anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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it seems there are lots of new citizens,
or potential citizens in the past week.
Welcome!
and please sign in at desk in the castle foyer.
there are some additions
for the forth of july weekend.
first the tiaras are being cleaned.
pick yours up from the maid today after 3pm.
second, whiskey, vodka, juices, and shot glasses
have been added to the wine in the dining room.
third, colorful duct tape has been added to the standard gray.
Polls are showing that colors will encourage usage.
On the rare occasion the duct tape must be used, feel free to use any of the new colors.
Use as much as necessary to ensure your continued 'no contact' success.
Fireworks will be shot over the castle at Midnight.
See you there.
Taryn,
Queen of the No Contact Kingdom.
--------------------
taryn.
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redchair
Gold
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 122
Loc: Boston
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I am IN! No contact!! I vow to simply send papers via mail. I vow to not answer the random emails asking me how I am. I vow if I ever see him again to kick him in the... oh wait, that would be contact.
Kindly hand me some pretty colored duct tape, a glass of wine, and lead me to my recovery!
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1593
Loc: Western New York
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ALL RIGHT-EE. I am now hereby pledging myself a subject of Taryn's in her "No-Contact Kingdom" located in the War Drobe in the Spare Oom.
I will not even send my ex funny forwarded e-mails.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2450
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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[quote]
I will not even send my ex funny forwarded e-mails. [/quote]
wecome!
duct tape has been added to your PC located in the right corner of spar oom.
no more funny emails! Gak! BAD!
from now on forward them to the maid.
she'll get a kick out of them.
here...have some wine...while you you delete his email..
--------------------
taryn.
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