taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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sometimes i think that its fear and anger that are mistaken for saddness and longing at what 'should have been'.
i avoid contact like the plague.
i stay in the house, in the car, in the yard.
i pass the phone to the kids.
i avoid contact.
i do not yell.
i do not fight.
i do not respond.
but when my emotions make me THINK im sad...when really im worried about the future i tend to waffle a bit.
i think i get anger mixed up with sorrow.
i think i get fear mixed up with the 'why' questions.
i AM the no contact Queen...and i know that when i fight the contact and come out the winner.
i fought a recent battle within myself and won.
i am, today, Victorious.
taryn...self appointed Queen of No Contact...
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taryn.
Edited by taryn (06/19/08 12:34 AM)
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msty
Platinum
Reged: 11/16/07
Posts: 221
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I humbly submit my application for citizenship.
I think this is the best idea.
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Everything now is as it should be.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2312
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You should be proud of yourself . Most consider avoidance of conflict to be a weakness . Personally , I believe it to be a sign of strength , an ability to lay down one's own self-interest to be proven right for the ultimate good .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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phyzguy
Platinum
Reged: 05/15/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Cali
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Taryn-
I pledge allegiance to thee. Accept me into thine state, oh fair queen.
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Tibi ipsi esto fidelis
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kent
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2993
Loc: a melted glacier
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All hail Queen Taryn! All hail Queen Taryn!
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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1598
Loc: Western New York
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Well then, I'm the princess. But it's a lot easier for me, in that our kids are grown and we have no earthly reason to be in touch. But, I do get sentimental and misty and miss him (miss my intact family) now that all the smoke has cleared. Any way you slice it, it's not easy, this divorce business.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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happytobdivorced
Platinum
Reged: 03/15/07
Posts: 1128
Loc: Hell, USA
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I am your faithful servant! No contact is the only way I have been able to survive the past 2 1/2 years.
Remember "do not feed the beast". That is what I tell myself when I am tempted to give my ex-dick a piece of my mind! If you don't give them anything to feed off of-they go away.
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Message for my ex "I think you know by now, I'm not the person I used to be"
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Mr.Revenge
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/08
Posts: 367
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If I can't be King, I am Prince at the very least.
In 1 year and through 3 court hearings, I have spoken about 20 words to her (all after the April 2008 hearing, and it was about my step-kids I love so much) and she has spoken about 10 to me (same place, except then she walked 20 feet and sucked 'sukked' face with my cousin in the courthouse).
NO CONTACT WITH THE A-HOLES THAT BETRAYED US!!!
God Save the QUEEN!!!!!!!
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abbysfv
Platinum
Reged: 02/13/08
Posts: 732
Loc: LA, CA
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Every time I have any contact with the stbx it just re-enforces the decision to divorce.
Taryn good for you, you don't need the BS anyway.
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My subconscious is smarter.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1338
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Is that BS=
Big Shot? or
Basturd Sukka? or
Bull Shit? or
Big Schlong?
Sorry, I'm feeling feisty today.
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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I don't get all the contact issues. Perhaps I am just a little obtuse on this issue. My ex was the one that wanted the divorce. My ex is engaged to be remarried approximately 2 years after we agreed to divorce. However, there was no abuse or infidelity so maybe that makes a difference but we speak, text, or email at least 4 times a week. I see her at drop off and pick up of my kids and we exchange small talk and even chat from time to time. It never affects me either positively or negatively, its just life.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1338
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lairdude, you're so lucky you don't "get it" or need it. You have a friendly divorce, it seems. Many people here would be walked on, verbally abused, lied to, etc if they continued to have contact with their x. It's demoralizing and definitely slows the healing process.
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ipso
Silver
Reged: 05/21/08
Posts: 81
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Spoken to my ex exactly once after the separation, to ask for tax info in April. Not easy, but man does it simplify things.
-ipso
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One must want nothing to be different... not only to bear what is necessary, but to love it.
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beblebrox
Platinum
Reged: 06/12/08
Posts: 340
Loc: Western Pennsylvania
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WOW, you are lucky. mine calls me almost every other day. she complains i "don't ever call her". she even wants to sit alone in my house on her days off! it's driving me nuts.
It's like; what part of you went and got knocked up by my former best friend, and now i want you the f**k out of my home and life don't you get?
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lairdude
Platinum
Reged: 12/27/06
Posts: 331
Loc: Illinois
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I do realize that my situation is different than others on here. I wasn't lied to, cheated on, or otherwise abused and didn't do the same to my ex. She was the one that wanted the divorce so it was sprung on me unexpectedly but when life hands you lemons make lemonade.
Even when we were divorced and still living together I took things for what they were and never allowed myself to get upset about things. I just absorbed them and let them flow through me and then I was done. Yes, it is mostly friendly now that we have moved to separate houses and perhaps we are both more adult about the situation than the ex's of those that continue to have trouble.
I do know that others will only treat you the way you allow them to and if you (the universal you) do it eventually they will have to change.
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Devorah
Platinum
Reged: 07/15/06
Posts: 1992
Loc: Colorado
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Full agreement with Lair...whose words evidence that even when there is physical contact in words, phone calls, whatever- there does not have to be emotional contact. That is us to you or me.
My ex and I do have to talk about a great many details and I appreciate the barometer offered there as to how "tuned in " to him I am; how he can still push a button, create ripples in my sense of esteem or identity. It is painful but necessary to see, for me. As my bf said recently ,"he is going to treat you like a [censored]-sucker for all time". Knowing this to be true- it is up to me to disengage, whether we are talking all the time or not saying a word.
Devie
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anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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it seems there are lots of new citizens,
or potential citizens in the past week.
Welcome!
and please sign in at desk in the castle foyer.
there are some additions
for the forth of july weekend.
first the tiaras are being cleaned.
pick yours up from the maid today after 3pm.
second, whiskey, vodka, juices, and shot glasses
have been added to the wine in the dining room.
third, colorful duct tape has been added to the standard gray.
Polls are showing that colors will encourage usage.
On the rare occasion the duct tape must be used, feel free to use any of the new colors.
Use as much as necessary to ensure your continued 'no contact' success.
Fireworks will be shot over the castle at Midnight.
See you there.
Taryn,
Queen of the No Contact Kingdom.
--------------------
taryn.
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redchair
Gold
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 122
Loc: Boston
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I am IN! No contact!! I vow to simply send papers via mail. I vow to not answer the random emails asking me how I am. I vow if I ever see him again to kick him in the... oh wait, that would be contact.
Kindly hand me some pretty colored duct tape, a glass of wine, and lead me to my recovery!
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MarMcMar
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 1598
Loc: Western New York
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ALL RIGHT-EE. I am now hereby pledging myself a subject of Taryn's in her "No-Contact Kingdom" located in the War Drobe in the Spare Oom.
I will not even send my ex funny forwarded e-mails.
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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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[quote]
I will not even send my ex funny forwarded e-mails. [/quote]
wecome!
duct tape has been added to your PC located in the right corner of spar oom.
no more funny emails! Gak! BAD!
from now on forward them to the maid.
she'll get a kick out of them.
here...have some wine...while you you delete his email..
--------------------
taryn.
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CityGirl
Platinum
Reged: 06/11/08
Posts: 926
Loc: Texas
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I'm trying to join Taryn, but mine calls me at work because he knows I won't answer the house or cell phone. But this time he claims he signing the divorce papers (he even had the gall to ask me if he should get a lawyer or not and I told him "I don't know, if you want to spend money on a lawyer, get one")! UUUGGGHHHH!!!! But, I'm hoping that will be the last time ever I have to talk to him. Now, if I could just get him out of my head!!!! Where's the vodka??
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newlife123
Gold
Reged: 11/04/07
Posts: 188
Loc: phila suburb-PA
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I'm in, can I bring chocolate? A girl has needs if others aren't being met:)
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aramis_wc
Silver
Reged: 12/20/07
Posts: 64
Loc: California
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As a aimless wanderer in the wilderness of your kingdom, my liege...... It is good to see that the realm is strong.
Once in awhile, I come back to town to see how you all are and re-new myself in the struggle that we all face. It's been awhile but it's good to come back and remember the good fight for independence!!
Mark is strong.....Mark is wiser.....and I owe it all to the glory of No Contact!!!!!
Set me up a shot and a beer......to independence day!!!!
Aramis
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Loneliness - I can live with..... Stupidity is something I can't....... Aramis!
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scbeck
Platinum
Reged: 12/29/07
Posts: 894
Loc: New Brunswick Canada
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I believe I have been an alumni of the kingdom(queendom)for a while now but I have had a few slips off and on. Right now I kind of have to make contact to hand off my daughter for his visitation for the summer. It is her first visit with her dad since we separated 8 months ago. He will have to sign an agreement with pick-up and return dates and I am afraid getting that signature will lead to a fight. If he doesn't sign I have been instructedby my lawyer not let my daughter go and yet he still keeps saying he will not agree to a return date. And my 13 year old daughter tells me she is going weather I like it or not and I can't stop her. God I hope this doesn't get messy!!! This is what contact does to you!!!!
Once this necessary crap is done I vow once again to be back to NO MORE CONTACT.
Christine
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This is the first day of the rest of my life. Or maybe tomorrow will be.
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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numbnms,
this is your personal invitation to my country...
you missed the fireworks on the forth,
and the maids shining the tiaras,
but it's still a nice place to be.
leave your cellphone turned off and at the door.
--------------------
taryn.
Edited by taryn (07/08/08 06:57 PM)
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2509
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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Bumping for Mr. Revenge....
where you at????
get this bonfire going, dammit!
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taryn.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1309
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I'm in 11 days now
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Mr.Revenge
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/08
Posts: 367
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Bonfire scheduled for Friday night...my daughter has to be there...it will be in the "NO CONTACT" courtyard. All are invited (BYOP..."Bring Your Own Pee).
I have not, nor do I intend to, read any of the cards or letters within which I spilled out my heart and soul...I started to read one of the flower cards the night they "appeared" and I felt like an A-Hole.
I placed my heart upon a chopping block with faith and loyalty, only to find out I was married to a heartless, feelingless "Butcher". (If a true "Butcher" is reading this, no harm intended...you get my analogy).
Anyhoo, bonfire ready to go Friday...I feel like such an ass for leaving myself so vulnerable to such an uncaring, unfeeling "thing" that I thought was my "partner" for life!!
Live and learn.
NO F-ING CONTACT!!! NO F-ING WAY!!!
PLEASE GOD, help me make this end. Enough is enough!!!!!
Bonfire Friday night...I think it will be outstanding to get rid of my heartfelt thoughts upon which I received SHIT!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry...little venting here).
I TOAST TO "NO CONTACT" and our Queen taryn.
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CityGirl
Platinum
Reged: 06/11/08
Posts: 926
Loc: Texas
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[quote] I feel like such an ass for leaving myself so vulnerable to such an uncaring, unfeeling "thing" that I thought was my "partner" for life!! [quote]
Mr. Revenge, you are not an ass. I think you are amazing. Your tbx will one day realize what a fantastic man she let slip out of her fingers and she will regret it. Don't let her spoil things for you in the future. I know TONS of women who would love to be treated and loved the way you apparently did. GET THAT BONFIRE GOING, but don't lose you!
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Mr.Revenge
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/08
Posts: 367
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CityGirl,
Thank you. I have not found "me" yet, but I think I'm just around the corner (hoping). I think I hear me laughing...almost forgot what that sounded like.
Bonfire Friday night...feel good about it, but at the same time it feels so much like I poured out my heart and soul to someone that just took it for granted and took me to the bank.
Burn Baby Burn!!!!!
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phyzguy
Platinum
Reged: 05/15/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Cali
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OK Taryn-
This time for reals. It's impossible to be No Contact when the stbx still lives in the same house. She is leaving tomorrow at 4:30pm. I'm going to get out of town with my little sister and crash at a hotel or something. But, from then on out, it will be NO CONTACT. I will still have business to take care of because of the house. But if we walk on it and let the bank take it, then there is NO REASON to talk to her.
So Taryn, here I am. Keep me in line. The next few days/months are going to be hard. Hand me the brain bleach.
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Tibi ipsi esto fidelis
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